Nothing To Lose
by anime-obsessedP
Summary: My life sucks. Got a selfesteem of zero, an IQ in the negatives and more bad qualities then I can count. Plus I live with 5 perfect without trying brothers and being invisible is normal to me. But whats with this military dude practically stalking me now?
1. Damn

**Nothing To Lose**

By: Me! Special little seven year old me:D

**Um...hi everyone! This is my second story!...hehe...I'm soooo happy...but unfortunately for those who wanted a sequel to my last one...this is not it:P I worked on it but then got distracted by this one so it's on hold for the moment, but enjoy this on while u wait...haha. Enough talkie talkie onto the story!**

**Disclaimer: me own...um...not Tala...not Enrique...not Maxie...not Johnny... not Kai...but he's mine! got it!...haha..not beyblade...not the summary...made by my friend, but i came up with the plot this time!...ahem...not the song, Nothing to Lose by Billy Talent...not anything -cries-look what u ppl did! i'm crying now! i wanna own something! i feel so unloved! someome love me! (jeez so desperate sounding-.-:P)**

**Chapter 1- Damn**

_Need more friends with wings  
All the angels I know  
Put concrete in my veins_

Another day, another disappointment. I'm cold, wet and not to mention my supposed "friends" just ditched me. I've known them since when? I was six and they ditch me for some guys they've known for six seconds? No, wait they started to make out with them within six seconds, within six minutes they told me to take a hike cause they're going to some party. Why am I so surprise? It ain't the first time. What I don't get is why the hell did they ask me to come to the mall with them if they didn't really want me around? Oh, wait how stupid of me, cause they wanted me to hold their crap. Sigh, why do I always go then? Oh! Oh! I know the answer to that too! Cause I'm an idiot… Okay, why do I keep asking questions then answering them! God, I'm starting to annoy myself.

Now I'm walking 'cause no one would come get me, actually I never asked but I don't except them to. Just my luck too, halfway through walking home it starts to rain. I need to get myself some new friends! Yeah, not going to happen. I've been telling myself to get new friends since…well a very long time. About . . . eight years still hasn't happened. The fact of it all is that I'm not able to makes new friends … or new good friends. Heh, I'm not good enough to get actually friends, just the kinds that use me then throw me away, like a piece of garbage.

Have you ever seen the show _7th heaven_? They always have these corny, happy little endings. Everything always works out with this little lessons learned. All wrapped up nicely. I want that, those stereotype-totally-obvious-overdone-endings. I mean they're really overrated, but doesn't it just make you happy to see them? I want those friends and family that are just _always_ there for you. Ones that never leave your side. I've _had_ all sorts of friends, some nothing like me, one completely like me. But in reality it doesn't matter what they were like 'cause in the end they all left. The more you like someone, the more time you spend together, the more it hurts when they leave you hanging. To put your trust into someone, is to set yourself up for disappointment . . . simple as that. That's why I don't trust the "friends" I have one bit, cause the moment I start to, they'll drop me like we're playing Hot Potato and I'm the potato or they'll stab me in the back, over and over 'till I can't get back up.

Okay, I really don't want to think about anything anymore. I have bad friends, end of story. I just want to get home. I can do it! Just another . . . uh ten blocks? Hurray!

I banged on the door to my house, dripping wet from head to toe. I could hear people on the inside but no one answered. Damn, I picked a bad day to forget my keys. Open! Open! Open! DAMN IT! I ran out onto the driveway, looking for an opening, an open door, a window, a tiny hole I could crawl through, anything! Nothing …what a surprise. I ran around back, thank god! Thank god! Kitchen window…OPEN! Who leaves a window open when it's raining? Wait...who cares! I just want in! Damn those idiots inside!

I tried to pull myself up and in the window. This is one of those times I wished I was tall instead of 5ft...who am I kidding? Not even 5ft. Plus the water didn't help much either.

"Ahhhh!" I yelled as I fell down…again. Great, now not only am I cold and wet but also muddy. It just _had_ to be muddy right below the window. "Okay, okay I can do this! One more time! Up…and…in-ahh!" I forgot one little step, fall flat on my face, on the other side. "O-ow"

"Smooth move," a voice came.

"Ow, can't you see I'm in pain! Hello? Help your little sister up!"

"Nah, I'm busy," he said then went back to fixing himself a sandwich.

How typical. "Why didn't any of you idiots open the door?"

"Could have but watching you try and climb through that window was just so much more amusing. "

There I go again, asking questions I already knew the answer to. I saw that response coming... "Well what a great brother you are." I said then stomped out of the kitchen.

"I opened the window for you, isn't that good enough?" he asked and took a bite out of his sandwich...then spat it right back out again. Did I mention I replaced the ham with two week old ones? Can't you just feel the love in this house?

Anyways so out of the Kitchen, through the dinning room…

"Yo, you're going to bring the house down!" My brother commented, as the walls shook as I walked.

"Can't you see we're busy? Did you not read the 'Do Not Disturb Sign' on the door?" My...ahem...other brother said.

"Screw your sign!" I yelled...then saw their dates... "Oh, and you two look very pretty...Very blonde... like the girls..."my voice suddenly turn sweet.

One of my brothers, shook his head, and signaled with his hands to not finished the sentence. The other glared at me, he knew I was going to finish the sentence and he was basically saying 'I'm going to beat the crap out of you later.' Well ya know what? It's worth it! I can NOT spend another dinner with two extremely mentally challenge bimbos, that say the words 'totally' and 'whatever' every five damn seconds, and only talk about hair and makeup, Like I give a damn.

"The girls? What girls?" See now if I was just talking about _my_ life, these two girls would probably have told me to beat it by now, but it seems I have caught their attentions with this topic.

"The girl these two invited over last night. They stayed pretty late..._Studying_, or so my brothers said."

"What girls? We've been dating them for weeks now." one of them said confused... yes the types of girls that date my brothers get confused **very** easily. Hello? Do I need to spell it out for ya?

"Oh, well I wouldn't know anything about that..." I shrugged as I left those two and their dates. I soon heard lots of screaming...more like screeching...and what seemed to be a cups of water splashing all over my dear, dear brothers...I see they weren't that dumb, they managed to connect the dots I had so conveniently placed. Pay back is so sweet. I'm wet, their wet, all is right with the world...for now.

Out of the dinning room, through the living room…

"You're tracking mud everywhere! Mom's going to kill you!" Wow, I'm amazed he noticed...usually nothing can distract him from his precious video games.

"No, mom's going to kill you," I purposely rubbed my shoes on the carpet a couple more times, then left, leaving him to clean up the mess.

Out of the living room, past the front door, up the stairs and finally into my room..

First thing I did was blast Evanescence's "Lies" song.

"Hey! I'm on the phone in here!"

"Then take it outside!"

"I was here first! Get out!"

"This is my room too. You want to get away from the music then be my guest and leave." Trust me I only act, talk, and yell back like this at home and only to my brothers...and only sometimes. School is a whole other issue...

He rolled his eyes, "Jeez, someone's PMSing-… huh? No, no! Not you! Nothing, nothing, I wasn't talking to no one," he said leaving the room and continued talking to whoever the hell he was talking to.

...Yes, that's right. I'm nothing, I'm no one. Just your damn sister! Whatever, in this house I'm invisible, unless I get into someone's way or they want something from me, same at school too.

I am the youngest of six kids. SIX! All guys except me of course, though sometimes I'm not too sure, considering I spent a better part of my life actually thinking I was a guy. I used to be this cheerful, easy going, free-minded, naive, happy-go-lucky child, so basically I was extremely stupid and extremely optimistic. I'm still extremely stupid but now I'm extremely pessimistic but what can you expect when I live with five hormone-driven-egotistical-smart-ass-teenaged-pains-in-the-butt who just love to be superior, who just love to hover over you and really rub into your face just how much better they are compared to you.

The eldest is Tala, the one from the kitchen, fixing himself a sandwich, and watching me fall threw a window. How nice of him. Redhead. Hockey. Obsession: girls.

The second, Enrique, only ten months younger then Tala. The one gesturing me to not finish that sentence. Pfft, as if. Blonde. Immature. Obsession: Girls. Both entering their final year of high school.** (They both in the same grade, cause they were born in the same year. Tala sometime in Feb and, Tally in Nov-ish)**

Johnny, entering second last year of high school. The one that's going to beat me up later... Redhead... more like hothead. Football. Obsession: Girls.

Max, entering second year of high school. Blonde. Video Games. Cute, innocent looking but no better then the rest of them. Obsession: Girls.

Rei, my twin, though we do look alike except height-wise, the similarities end there I assure you. Entering high school. Born fourteen hours before me so thinks he's the boss of me. Black haired. Guitar, drums, drawing you know artistic stuff. Obsession: Girls…or one girl in particular. Mariah, Mariah, Mariah! Drives me crazy! He even says her name in his sleep!

As you can see they're all obsessed with girls…guys and their damn testosterone. They're also all smart, straight 'A' students without even trying. Pisses me off, damn show-offs. 'They have the potential to do great things' or so the school council said.** (AO: hehehe she's said damn like eight times so far:P)** Tala, basically anything the hell he wants. Enrique, politics, Lawyer…anything to do with debating, he's immature so doesn't ever give up till he wins. Johnny, businessman, I can see it now, he's gonna own a hell-of-a-lot of this town, if not all of it. Max, engineer, designing and building the latest cars, planes, space crafts or whatever. Rei artist, painting, drawing, architect...musician, when he can ever convince mom to let me, which will be never.

And then there's me, barely passing, struggling just to be considered average. No talents, no future. Well I like Martial Arts, Karate, Fencing…basically anything with fighting, but what career am I going to make of that? It's not like I can open a Dojo or anything, no management skills. It's not like fighting is some sort of all mighty talent, anyone could do it and anyone could be good at it with enough practice...well anyone but me.

It's like by the time I was born there was no more talent to give out, it's all been used up on my oh-so-wonderful-brothers. Usually when your not smart your suppose to have looks or be sportive, but I got nothing. English, math, science, art, sports, I suck at it all and to top it off I'm uuuuuugly, have no interesting personality or quality at all. I will never get a guy to so much as look my way, not that I really care anymore, I've accepted it or as much as a person can accept the fact that they'll live and die alone. I can picture it now, bitter old lady in a run down old house littered with cats, yelling obscenities, and scaring away the neighbor children. What a bright future I have ahead of me. (**Hey, that doesn't seem so bad! Watchin the kids scream and run away would b fun! And who doesn't love cats:D)**

We're all born so close, there's no more then one year before my mom spat out another kid. It's like all of a sudden my parents wanted kids so over four years had six of them! Not that they were really planning on me, they wanted one more kid and I kind of just tagged along with Rei.

Okay, no more talkie, talkie. I need a shower before all the guys rush into the bathroom-

"No! I need the bathroom! I have a date tonight!" Max's voice yelled from the other side of the door.

"Yeah, and I have four! Move it!" Then sounds of Max and Johnny shoving each other was heard.

"Gotta pick Mariah up in thirty! Need the bathroom!" Rei joined in.

"No way! I was here first."

"No you weren't!" The fight basically continued like that...

"Hey, cool it. The three of you! I know how to solve this..." Enrique cut in.

"You...Have a solution?" the three of them asked at once.

"I'm smart!"

"No one's denying that. You just have a tendency of not using that brain of yours." Rei commented.

"Hey! That's not true..okay maybe last week when I fell on that thing...and on Tuesday with that long...pole-thing ...and this morning with the table-"

"Let's not get into that, what's your supposed solution?"

"Easy, I was put onto this earth before all of you, so I should get the bathroom before all of you."

"Like hell that's going to happen."

The fight continued 'till a loud 'SLAM' was heard followed by everyone yelling, "TALA!" Happens everyday. Sometimes I wonder if their IQs are really as high as they say. Everyday they get so caught up in fighting with each other, they forget that Tala's just going to come along and take the bathroom.

Well, I'm not going to get in there anytime soon. I'll just sit here..wet and covered in mud. You'd think with some many people living under one roof, we'd have at least two bathrooms. Damn, it's getting colder. **(That makes nine)** Oh, and did I mention that tomorrow is the first day of school? First day of Highschool for me actually.

**That was rather pointless but it's an intro to her life:P hope y'all enjoyed it...now...R&R! Puhplease?** **Kai doesn't appear till a couple chapters from now... but I'll have him and Tala do my author's notes next chapter! Kay:D Just cause I love em so very much! Don't I Tallya-niisan?**

**Tala: I'm not a gurl! Stop calling me that!**

**Awww don't b so grumpy Tallya! -pats on head- good boy.**

**Tala: -arms crossed, sulking face-**

**How cuute! i lub u Tally! -hugs- but I lub Kai more:P**


	2. Unseen, cast aside, Forgotten

**Hi everyone! I'm back again! And posting this instead of doing my drama homework:D  
****Tala: if you don't have a job for me here I'm leaving.  
****Yes, yes we start now...uh...where's Kai?  
****Tala: he said this was crap and left.  
****What! He was kidnapped?  
****Tala:...no, he left...like on his free will!  
****Omg! They hit him over the head and knocked him out cause he wouldn't go on his free will1?  
****Tala:... ur not even listening to me...  
****We have to save Kai from those awful, awful kidnappers!  
****Tala:...well...while she annoys the hell out of everyone, I'm just gonna say, she owns nothing...and if she did she'd probably lose it.**

**Chapter 2 - Unseen, cast aside, Forgotten**

_I'd always walk home alone  
So I became lifeless  
Just like my telephone_

"AHHHHHHH! SHIIIIIIT!" I yelled when I woke up, falling on the floor. The clock read: seven, forty. Did I mention that this stupid school starts at eight! And now my ass hurts. "What the hell happened to my alarm? Why the hell didn't you ring?" I yelled at it, no response, typical, it never did.

I stepped out into the hallway. "Yo, anyone still home?" I yelled...no response, didn't expect them to wait for me or even wake me up.

Ten minutes later, wearing extremely baggy grey pants that I stole off of Rei, and a black sweater, I'm supposing is Tala's, which was also huge on me, cause well it was Tala's., I ran full speed out of the house.

About a block down I realized something... "My bag! CRAP!" birls flew from the trees and squirrels retreated into their homes in fright of my sudden outburst. I ran back and got it but by the time I was out of the door again, I was totally out of breath. I need to exercise more, endurance it not my strong point...then again not much is. You'd think with all the ditching that happens to me and all those times I have to walk home I'd be just a little better at this running thing. As soon as I turn sixteen, I am getting my diver's licence and swiping someone's car!

Arrived at school: five minutes late...Arrived in class:..twenty minutes late...This school is big! Finding the class room took me a whole fifteen minutes!...okay it's not that big, I'm just not good at finding things...direction skills another thing I lack.

I bursted into class with my hood over my head, out of breath, frustrated and ready to kill my brother...any one of them would do, but only one of them was in the same grade as me. I looked around there was no teacher. Rei sat at the back of the class, surrounded by people. Looks like he's going to be Mr. Popular once again, and I'll be Miss Nobody.

"Rei, you idiot!" I yelled, walking up to him, devoured in rage.

"What are you talking about?" he asked calmly.

"_Why the hell didn't you wake me this morning?"_ the language I spoke automatically changed to Japanese, which always happened when I became really mad. Truth is, I suck at speaking it, but when I get mad it just goes on auto-ride and half the time, I still mispronounce stuff and have no clue what I'm saying. What comes out, just comes out.

"You're doing it again...and are you wearing my pants?"

"_Why. Didn't. You. Wake. Me?"_

He sighed. _"I didn't notice you were still asleep." _he said fluently, like always he did everything **so **fluently.

"_I sleep in the same room as you! How can you NOT notice me!"_

"_I don't know your small..."_

I glared.

"_Well what do you want? I was on the phone and anyway Johnny was by your bed, looked like he was going to wake you soon."_

"_Johnny? When was the last time Johnny did anything that nice for me?"_

"_How should I know? Not my problem." _**only reason why I make them speak another language is cause I don't want the other people to know they're related, though they do look alike, not enough for people to notice**

I growled "ASSHOLE!"

"Excuse me Miss, what did you just say."

I nearly fainted there, turning around to see a **very** angry teacher standing in front of me, tapping her foot.

"Uh...uh...I-it slipped out?"

"Detention tomorrow after school."

I nodded slowly.

"Now take a seat."

I looked around. Everyone had returned to their seats, probably when I was yelling. All the seats were taken except one, in the very front of the class, right in front of the teacher's desk. Oh joy! I sat down and the teacher began her lesson...about something I didn't understand, actually I'm not even sure what class I'm in right now. Math?... Maybe?

"Jeez, what do you think was up with that girl?" someone asked, talking about me, I'm guessing.

"I don't know, she just like totally lost it. Such a freak." the girl answered

"Yeah, totally. I don't like her one bit. She snapped at Rei. I mean what reason would anyone have to do that? Rei's so cute and sweet and kind..." and so on and so on. Yup, they were definitely talking about me.

Well I should be glad I won't be Miss Nobody, I'll be 'The Freak' or 'The girl that snapped at The Great Rei.' First period of what will be a very long day of school and I've already made a total idiot of myself and got put into detention. Today can't get any better!

It got better...much better, umhum...yup. Next class, geography. They didn't have enough desks...and because I was late, because of my lack of being-able-to-tell-which-way-is-which, I was the last to arrive so I had no desk. The teacher said it was my fault for being late and made me sit on the floor, like a kinder gardener. I'm betting he purposely removed one of his desks so he could humiliate the person that was late. I always had at least one jerk-teacher like that every year. I am **always **the one they prey on.

Now it lunch...I'm sitting at a table...alone. I don't' know where my "friends" are. Avoiding me most likely. I'm probably not "cool" enough to be seen with them in broad daylight.

Let's see, first there's Britney. Dirty blonde hair, the spotlight always has to focus on her or she throws a hissy fit. Popular, no doubt. Tall, the total opposite of me, pretty. Need I really say more? She's basically those popular, evil, controlling girls you see on tv, that just always dominate the whole school, and every guy in it. Oh, and rich, spoiled rich, daddy's-little-precious-girl.

And what powerful dictator don't have their little goons? Melissa, who basically just sucks up to Britney 24/7. Her life revolves around her. In all the years I've known them, I've never seen her contradict Britney once, she's lost all will of her own, she _belongs_ to Britney. I have this theory that if someone could like ever figure a way to detach Melissa from Britney, Melissa may actually be an okay person to have as a friend. She once had brown hair but was going for a more 'Britney look' so she dyed it, unfortunately it didn't really work out that well. You see, Britney just couldn't risk having anyone look better then her, so logically she brought Melissa the wrong color...purple...very bright purple, but lucky it has faded. It actually looks cool now, but shouldn't tell Britney that.

See how evil she is, she'd do that to her best friend...or number one follower...or whatever they call each other.

Lastly is Vicky, who isn't that bad. She's always in some sort of daze. Never really pays attention much, unless Britney give her some direct order or something. A little slow and dense sometimes, but hey, who isn't at times? She has curly black hair.

There are a couple more like Maddie, Carol, Cynthia...I don't know a whole large bunch of them that Britney controls like little puppets. Melissa and Vicky are the main two that follow her around, when I meet Britney they all already knew each other.

Well, speaking of the devils...here they come... I don't know weather I should be happy not to be alone or annoyed 'cause I know they want something.

"Celie! Celie! What have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you!" Britney cried, uh.. sort of fast walking to me 'cause you see, girls like that don't run, or so Britney says. I think it's cause of those five inch Stilettos they just insist on wearing. She seems so warm, doesn't she? Like a real friend, well she ain't. That's the voice she uses when she wants something, her sweet, manipulative, vile, evil voice. And no, my name is not 'Cilie.' I mean what am I? Sounds like a Sealy mattress! It's a nickname, I hate but she never lets go of it. If I haven't mentioned it, my name is actually Cecilia. I mean I don't mind if you call me Celia, but Celie?

"Well , I've been here the whole lunch..."

"Really?..Well we must have missed you." yup, they were **so** avoiding me.

"Umhum, yeah, so what's up? How's the first day of Highschool?"

"Oh, it's sooooo wonderful here! I absolutely love it!"

"I'm guessing you girls meet some new guys,"

"Oh, yeah but they aren't so great. Looking for some older guys now."

"Hm...that's nice." I knew exactly where this was going...they met my other brothers. See the only reason they became friends with me in the first place was because Britney had her eye on Rei. Now they've known me for eight years...and today they **just** found out I have like four other brothers. Who they probably fell madly in love with, and so stalked them and found out that they are all my brothers. My brothers are very, **very **popular and I am invisible if I haven't stressed that enough.

"Soooo...wondering, maybe we can come over today,"

"You want to come over?"

"Yeah! Definitely, honey. Why wouldn't I?"

"Cause you saw the outside of my house once...said 'ew' and walked away. From that day on I basically figured you never wanted to actually go in the house."

"Well I do!" she snapped, "Ahem..I mean I do, hon." her voice turned back.

"Why the sudden interest?" yes I'm asking questions I already know the answers to but I'd like to hear what kind of crap-lie she's come up with.

"I need some help with this..." she said opening up a textbook, and pointing to some random question.

"Umm..okay, sure." ha! Like I'm smart enough to know the answer to anything in that!

"Thanks, Cilie," My eyes twitched when she used that nickname again.

"Cilie, what's wrong with your eye?" she faked her concern, probably hoping one of my brothers would suddenly appear. What she didn't know is that my brother treat me just like she does like carp. And probably wouldn't come to my rescue if I was set on fire.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all, I'm fine." I said plastering on a fake smile, like I did everyday and every time I had a problem. Put a big , fat, fake smile on and pretend everything is okay. I don't think I've really smiled or laughed in years.

"Okay then..." she was getting bored I could tell. "Well whatever, meet us at our lockers after school and we'll go to your house together," she said scribbling her locker number on my palm. As if I'll be able to find it later.

Notice how Melissa and Vicky never said a word, it's cause Britney never gestured them to. They hardly even moved, well Melissa didn't, Vicky was blowing bubbles and pulling her gum out of her mouth and putting it back in. But still sad, don'tcha think? But this is coming from a girl that stays with a bunch of backstabbing-bimbos cause she's too afraid to be alone. Here is how it works, I classify them as sad, and myself as pathetic.

Britney and the others were about to dash away from me as quick as they possibly could in those shoes when just their good fortune, and my bad luck, one of my brothers showed up. Johnny...Johnny...Johnny, probably the one that hates me the most.

"What the hell are you doing?" was he's opening sentence to me. Aw, I love you too.

"Why, hello to you too Johnny. How's your first day back?" I asked him.

"Why are you wearing my sweater?"

"Oh, my bad, thought it was Tala's." See, Tala wouldn't mind...more like wouldn't notice.

"Take it off,"

"What? Johnny, there's only like half the day left of school, I'll give it back to you after."

"Yeah, by then it'd have you whole smell to it,"

"Okay, it's not like I sweat a lot. And what? Do I have some sort of disease that I wasn't informed of and can be transmitted through a sweater?"

"Take. It. Off. I don't see why you don't just wear your own clothes."

"'Cause mom buys them and I hate them." You see, I have no job which mean like no money, so my mom basically has all control over my wardrobe. And well she's been trying to get me to wear girl clothes since I can remember.

He kept looking at me, with his look of 'I-don't-give-a-shit.'

I sighed, "You're always so grumpy and territorial." I took off the sweater and threw it at him, immediately feeling uncomfortable. Underneath I wore a tank-top that actually fit me, instead of being like ten time too large. Felt weird, it's been awhile since I wore anything that actually fit me in public. Actually this is one of the shirts my mom got me, and I was wearing it to sleep last night and cause I was late kinda just slipped the sweater over it. "Happy?"

He didn't answer instead was glaring at me. What? Did I like destroy his sweater somehow? Don't tell me he's still mad about me wrecking his date last night. I mean we already got into a fight when he like pinned me to the ground, and this morning he turned off my alarm, you'd think we were even be now.

"What?"

He didn't answer, he was still glaring, but I noticed now he wasn't glaring at me but someone or some people behind and around me. I looked around, I couldn't see what he was staring at. "What? What's wrong?" I looked over to Britney with a confused look. She looked at me with anger then stomped out of the cafeteria followed by Melissa and Vicky. Okay, now I'm even more confused. Why's she so ticked off?

"Here," Johnny said suddenly, throwing the sweater back to me.

"Uh...okay? Thanks?" I said, why's he being nice?

"Yeah, whatever. Just put it back on and get it back to me cleaned by the end of the day." with that he left.

Sigh, figures. There's a catch to everything. I slipped the sweater back on. That was just plain weeeeeeeird!

YES! END OF THE DAY! I'M FREEEEE! I can't believe I got through the rest of the day, but I guess it wasn't so bad considering I actually had a desk in those classes. Seems I didn't have math first period cause I had it third, and English class last. Also seems I'm in all of Rei's classes this semester and I'm back to being Miss Nobody or Miss Invisible.

Seriously, I got out of my seat to go the washroom and when I got back a couple of guys were standing in the way to my desk. I stood there for ten minutes saying 'excuse me' and nothing. I had to jump over another desk to get to mine, I also fell when I jumped, didn't have the greatest landing. The thing is I don't think they were ignoring me, I think they genuinely didn't see or hear me those whole ten minutes. That's how invisible I am.

Oh, and Britney and the rest f them ain't coming over today. Britney sent Vicky into my English class to tell me. Good thing she sent Vicky, she's good to extract info off of. It seems Britney was and still is mad, apparently cause I took the attention away from her or something. What attention? When did this happen? Did I fall asleep at some point and was drooling so people were playing attention to me instead of her? I am Miss Invisible, I don't get attention ever. Whatever, she'll get over it when she really wants to see my brothers.

I looked around the parking lot, hoping to spot one of my brothers and hopefully they'd be in a nice mood and drive me home...nope. No one, in fact by the time I had found my way out of that school, all the cars were gone, except one and I'm pretty sure that was the principal's car considering it was parked in the space marked "Principal." Great, more walking for me now.

I arrived at home, I don't know when. I was taking my time out there, not like I had a reason to rush home, unless I liked being ignored. I smelt a wonderful aroma entering the house. Only one person cooks that well...I rushed into the kitchen to see my dad cooking.

"Dad?"

"Hm?"

"Your home kinda early."

"Early? It's seven, thirty."

"Already?" wow, I must **really** have walked slow...or maybe it's all that time I spent trying to get out of the school.

"Yeah, are you done your homework?"

"What? No, I just got home."

"Really? I thought you were working on it in your room, go do it now."

"Yes, dad." How does a dad not notice when his only daughter is like three hours late coming home? Oh, whatever.

I walked into the Living room, and like always at this time, Max was playing video games with his best friend Tyson. Ray tuning his guitar. Enrique on the phone, someone is always on the phone in this house that someone is just never me. Johnny on the computer.. Hm, missing one, Tala. Where could he be? Usually their date schedules don't start till eight.

"Where's Tala?" No one answered, I don't think they even noticed I was in the room, or they were ignoring me. Just then Tala entered through the door and headed straight upstairs. Ever since I've gone to school one of them has always arrived home after me. I don't know why, even when some of them got cars, still here after me I could never figure out why. Detective skills, you guessed it, suck.

**AO: He's lost! Forever! I can't believe someone took kaikai away from me..I'm gonna diiiiie!..I'm just gonna fade away! -grabbing onto Tala's foot-  
****Tala:...great...can u let go of me now  
****AO:-on the floor pretending to die without kai-...no! No! I won't give up hope! Kaikai ill find his way back to me!  
****Tala:...u think too highly of urself...  
****AO: Anyone who finds Kai and returns him to me...will...get...get...uh...uh...this...this...brownie!  
****Tala:...u just found that on the floor...I...don't think it's a brownie...  
**"**Brownie": -gets up and crawls away-  
****AO: I'll find it! and whoever find Kai and have it! R&R TOO!  
****Tala:...I don't think anyone wants it...**


	3. Consumin’, Suffocatin’, Drownin’ Broken

**Hihi everyone! Back again! Thx for all the reviews! Now there's lots I gotta say…sooo…I've stuffed everyone into my magical box so they won't distract me.  
****Johnny: -pops outta box- let us out u little bi-  
****-slams box shut-  
****-mumbling heard-  
****hahaha, don't worry they're fine…….now that I've added air holes… ahem anyways…thank you all for the reviews and for bringing Kaikai back to me! I have put him into a nice protected and secure room so no one can ever kidnap him again. :)  
****-closet door banging-  
****hehehe, let all ignore that. Anyways I was also wondering if you all got the last chapter?...cause like two people asked me why Johnny gave the sweater back to Cecilia (which is her name for those who don't remember…-cough- Mimay:P don't worry me forgetful too) Well anyway I don't wanna take up space writing what happened if ppl get it…so just tell me in you review if u got it or not…if not I'll make it clear in a future chapter…lol Hope u guys got the ending too, with someone always arriving home after her…I know Tigerrelly got it:D  
****Anyways thank u everyone for the reviews! I'd hug u all…but that'd probably scare u all away:P**

**Chapter 3 - Consumin', Suffocatin', Drownin'...Broken **

_Never played truth or dare  
I'd have to check my mirror  
To see if I'm still here_

"_There's nothing to lose. When no one knows your name."_ My alarm clock rang.

"Ummm..." So...tired...another Monday, second week of school now... You haven't missed anything from the first day of school, all is about the exact same. Still ignored, invisible, oh, and Britney still mad at me, so I'm still like eating lunch alone, but I'm pretty sure even if she weren't mad at me, I'd still be eating alone. Ummm...let's see, I stayed up late yesterday, crushed under my tons and tons of homework. No, seriously there was one point where all my books fell on me and I couldn't get back up. On top of that, I learned just about nothing, didn't get a thing. Exactly zip of the information was able to enter my brain. Rei, on the other hand took about ten minutes out of his busy schedule and got it all done. I don't even see my other brothers do their homework anymore, they could probably do it in their sleep.

"_There's nothing to gain. But the days don't seem to change"_ My alarm clock continued.

"I'm up! I'm up!" I yelled at the alarm and turn it off. My little routine, wake up, yell at my alarm then brush my teeth.

I knocked on the bathroom door. "You done in there?"

Silence.

"Yo, you done?" I said a little louder.

Silence.

I kicked the door hard. "Ow! FU-" The door suddenly opened.

"Now, now how many times have I told you not to swear?" Enrique asked coming out, shaking his head. He closed the bathroom door behind him.

"Hm, never?"

"Yeah, well I meant to." He shrugged then went to his room.

I pushed the door of the bathroom open slowly, sort of afraid to see the condition it was in. Such slobs. Towels laid all over the floor, water and toothpaste scattered everywhere. Toothbrushes laid everywhere on the table and in the sink. Trying not to step on any of the puddles, I entered the bathroom carefully but not carefully enough.

"Ewwww, please to water. Be water!" I prayed. What? It's happened once, stepped into the bathroom, only to find myself in a puddle of pee. Okay, so that was a loooong time ago but I can never be too careful when five guys have used this bathroom before me. I took the driest-looking towel off the floor, folded it in two and placed it over the mysterious liquid substance. "Now where's my toothbrush?"...never mind, found it. There it was my poor purple, innocent, defenseless, little toothbrush floating in the toilet. Ewwwwwwww! I quickly picked it up...and threw it in the garbage. Washing my hands with loads and loads of soap afterwards.

Took me a whole ten minutes to find a new, unused, unopened one. Another five to find a place to hide it. By the time I was finally dressed and ready, all the food was gone. How considerate of them.

"You guys ate everything?"

"Hey, you snooze, you lose."

"You don't even live here!" I yelled at Tyson. He shrugged in response, and continued stuffing his face. "Moooom!"

"There isn't enough time for you to eat anyway. You shouldn't have taken so long upstairs."

"But the place was a mess, and my toothbrush-"

"No time, just eat a waffle," she said, handing me a plate.

I sighed. Everyone was rushing to start the new day. Hm, Tala missing again, probably already left, Hockey practice maybe.

"Here," my mom placed a waffle onto my plate. "Sit, eat, now. Or you're going to be late **_again_**." She stressed the last word. I was basically late everyday last week, different reasons everyday.

I nodded and took a seat across from my dad, which was usually Tala's seat.

Which reminds me, I didn't tell ya anything about my parents. Well okay, short for everything. Both smart, like really but don't have high paying jobs, cause they're like one of those people that want to help people and stuff, but they make enough, I guess. Mom, Social-worker. Dad, lawyer-typed-thing specializing in abused children's cases...or something. Both a mix of a lot of different origin and ethnicity, so I have no clue what I am, too hard to keep track. Dad, Red hair. Mom, Blonde.

Oh and if you're wondering why Rei has black hair, its called hair dye. He used to have the same color as me, which is like a mix of my dad's red and my mom's blonde, so like an orangy color. **(Ewwww, Picture ...Rei ... orange hair shudders . )**

Tala, stomped down, okay maybe no hockey practice. Since when is he ready after me? He held a letter in his hand and gave it to Enrique. As he read it, he's usual goofy, relaxed face disappeared, and he handed it to Johnny, who read it and then it got past to Max, Rei and finally my mom and dad. Isn't that so lovely? Everyone gets to read it but me. Joy!

Everyone's face was so serious, kinda freaky. "What is that?"

"Everyone off to school now," my mom demanded. Okay that was so purposely avoiding my question. "One of you, drive Cecilia to school."

"I'll do it." Tala said, and then grabbed my arm dragging me to his car.

"What's happening?"

"Nothing, get into the car."

"Okay...uh...but-"

"No buts, get into the car."

"...I don't have any shoes on..."

He sighed and then rolled his eyes. "Go in and get them then." he seemed reeeeeeally frustrated, better not get on his bad side today.

I rushed in the house then back and into the car. This whole thing is awkward. I don't think Tala's offered to drive me anywhere in the years he's had his license. There was total silence, but the whole time it seemed like Tala was trying to say something, trying to bring up a subject up but nothing. He opened his mouth then shut it again over and over 'till finally he pulled up in front of the school. "Get out."

"Um, don't you have to come in too?"

"I will, just get out."

"Uh...oookay," I opened the door and got out. The car immediately sped away once I closed the door. Weird, the second sortda nice thing a brother has done in the last week or so. First, Johnny and his sweater and now Tala and driving me to school. What's next? They gonna start helping me with homework? Yeah, riiiight. I'll keep dreaming.

Okay, so Math...teacher...not funny but tries to be. Sloppy and no lesson plan. I know already that I'm not going to learn a thing from him. As if I don't already have enough trouble with the subject I get a useless teacher too.

Ummm...English...project already, Poetry Anthology. Write ten poems...yeah like I have anything to write about... My teacher was all like, "Write them about your life, your experiences...blah, blah, blah" What life? What experiences? I hate these assignments that really can only be done be some people.

Yeeeeeah, so I'm kind of lost now. I came out of English and I think I should have turned right when I turned left...or maybe I should have gone...straight? Uh...My locker is number 2726 and this one here is 3859! Wait... When did I go up one floor?...No, no…I think it's 'cause my English class is on the third floor...so I need to find stairs...right?

I think I saw some down here... I walked down the hall...took a right...then a left...and uh...another left? No wait maybe that should have been a right. I went up and down that hallway a couple of times. Okay...okay...I give up. Time to ask someone.

"Um, excuse...me?-"

"Stupid, grade nines, don't you know you shouldn't talk to us." a girl in the group said then they all walked away.

Okay, well I must have missed that memo. Don't talk to random groups of girls. Right, got it.

"The staircase is right there," a guy leaning against the wall said, he gestured to a door just a couple of steps away... and labeled... 'Staircase.' I think the only reason he pointed it out for me was 'cause he felt pity for me. He gave me this look, as if he thought I was in special Ed or something.

"I swear it wasn't there when I walked down this hallway the last...uh..." I counted with my fingers, "five times..." I said jokingly. No laugh. No nothing. Awkward, was all it was. "Okaygoingnow." I said quickly. Holding my books tight I rushed at the door...and...Bang! I fell, books still in hand and all; I was just on the floor, like lying there. I looked up and the door read "Pull."

"Heh...heh...hehhehheh," I tried to get out a laugh, not going well. Quickly I got to my foot and pulled the door open. Before I went in I saw the guy before shaking his head.

The door shut behind me, and no one was there. I sighed, good. Wait...these stairs only go...up? What the hell! I'm trying to go down! That's so illogical! I turned around about to go back out when I stopped dead in my tracks. Yeeeeeeeeeeeah, not going back out there. Up it is!

I stood in a mysterious hallway and looked around. No clue, where this is. Deserted. No sound, no people. Freaky, is some mass murderer going to pop up and like slice me to pieces? Or maybe the girl from _The Ring _or the kid from _The grudge, _with his kittycat noise are going to come along Or the dude from _Texas Chainsaw Massacre,_ who like skins you alive, not that I'm even in Texas but maybe there's some sort of copycat...Why do these thought only come up when I'm alone. Do I want to scare myself?

Suddenly the bell rang, which freaked the hell out of me. Sudden noises scare me, shh don't tell anyone, not that they'd care. The five minute bell. Great, lunch is over, I have five minutes to get to my locker and then class or I'll be late...again. People began to rush to their lockers, around me. Uh oh...I think I might be in a grade twelve hallway...yes 'a' as in 'one of' as in they 'own' more then one hallway in this school.

Yeah, definitely! Grade twelves! Guys more then twice my size started to show up. Most didn't even notice me, cause I'm so small. They pushed and shoved past me as if I wasn't there. One guy purposely came and pushed me to the ground. "Loser!" he cried as he laughed and then walked away. Great, usually I'm not visible enough to make it on the bully radar but on my really bad day, bullies attract to me just to make my day even worst. And this is definitely a really,** really** bad day! Quickly I tried to pick my stuff before they got destroyed or kicked away by people. **Tried** being the operative word.

No one stopped to help, no one even bothered to take the effort to not step on my stuff. The just walked by as if I was even there, as if all my stuff weren't scattered all over the floor.

Why don't they just step on my fingers while they're at it!..."OW!" Never mind...someone just did. I hate today...I HATE TODAY! Another person kicked one of my books against the locker. Bang, it hit the locker. Then crack, from the seventy dollar textbook. And the guy was gone.

Soon everyone was gone, as fast as they had appeared. The final bell rang. I am now officially late, not that I really care at this point. The hallway was once again silent.

I sat on the floor, my notes and papers all trampled on. I held my hand in a fist, hard. My nail began to dig into my flesh, as I breathed in and out loudly. Calm...calm...calm, I can wait till I'm at home to break down, and lash out at people that don't deserve it.

I slowly picked up my books, papers, and binders. Trying to reorganize things as best as I could, as quickly as I could. I had tried so hard this year to stay organized and in one swift blow all my hard work was gone. Fun, isn't it?

I ran my finger over the crack in my hardcover textbook...my hardcover...geography textbook. Damn, any other subject I could have lived with, any other subject...but it had to be that subject where I had _that_ teacher.

Well, I have my stuff for it...so I guess I don't need to find my locker...just my classroom...number 326. So back downstairs it is.

The doors read...310...312...314...316...318...320...getting warmer...322...and...324...finally...326...there! I turned the door knob...locked. I knocked at the door. The teacher stared up from his desk, but didn't get up. No one got up, so I stood there...and stood there...till finally someone had to go to the washroom and opened the door, at that time I slipped in.

"Why are you a whole hour late?" the teacher asked. "Class is almost over."

"I was standing outside for twenty minutes. You saw me."

"Why should I interrupt my lesson to open the door for you? Why should a class member have to get up for no reason, get distracted from their education to open the door for a slacker-student that was already forty minutes late?"

I didn't answer just stared at him.

"They shouldn't have to, should they?" he continued.

I shook my head slightly.

He stared at me, till his eyes came by my books. "What happened to your textbook?" he asked, I covered it quickly with my arm. "Give it to me."

I handed him the cracked up book.

"Destroying school property? That's not a good habit to get into."

"It was an accident, it fell..."

"Fell? It takes a much larger force then that to destroy a book like this. Tsk, tsk. A lair too."

I didn't answered, I learned a long time ago just staying silent was better then saying anything at all.

"You will pay for it."

I nodded.

"Ninety-five dollars." he added. I remember he said it was worth seventy but still said nothing. Nodded again.

"Sit and write your homework down." he gestured to the board then went back to his work. I sat down at what was known as "my corner" now 'cause I still had no desk, and I don't think that teacher's making any effort to get me one. I was writing down the questions for homework. I knew nothing, and I don't think the teacher or any student in this class, including my own brother, that shared the same womb as me, that has the same blood running through his veins as me, was going to explain it to me.

Drip... Drip... Drip... Something dripped onto my paper. Crimson colored...blood? I turned my hand over and there was four cuts, made by four nails. A little bit of blood ran out of each of them. I didn't wipe it away but instead stared at it, stared at the blood drip onto my paper, over and over. Relaxing...

Left foot...Right foot...Left foot...Right foot...over and over and over. That's right, I get the pleasure of walking again, but it's not that bad, I mean I get time to think I guess. But I have a tendency of thinking about things I don't want to think about, like friends and family and school, the future...uh...basically life.

Right now, I'm thinking about family, and how I'm going to tell my parents I destroyed a textbook and now need money to pay for it. How's this? "Dad, I need nine-five dollars for a textbook I broke." that's a little blunt and probably won't go to well. We'll get into the subject of how it broke, and I'd rather not tell it. What if I didn't mention the price of the book right away... "Mom I was walking down some stairs at school when I accidentally fell and my textbook somehow got wrecked in the process of me falling." Maybe she'll be worried about how I am after the fall then the coast of the new textbook. Riiiight, in Neverneverland maybe. We'd just get into the subject of how clumsy I am. Oh I know! I've got one! "Dearest parents, I was at school today when I saw a pack of ninjas attacking a little boy. So obvious I tried to save him, the ninjas were fast and had weapons. I only had one thing to defend myself and that was my geography textbook. So I managed to save the little boy but my textbook got pretty beaten up and I need ninety-five dollars to replace it. But that amount of money is worth the life of a little boy right?" Yes, it's perfect! --'

It wasn't so bad. I got the 'Money doesn't grow on trees' speech and the 'You're so clumsy' speech. And the best part? I'll be working it off for a looooong time to come! Great isn't it? My parents don't ever ground me, 'cause that wouldn't be much of a punishment for me, considering the only place I usually go to is school. Unless they want to forbid me from going there, that would be great!

Once they were done lecturing and criticizing me, they were off to work...again, busy schedules, important cases. No surprise there.

"We can't tell her! We _won't _tell her!" Rei yelled.

I growled. I just want to be miserable on my own. Can't they just leave already?

"So we'll deal with it when that day comes!"

What is Rei so angry about? God, one day I actually want to be alone, and they all decided to stay home.

"I don't care! We aren't telling her!" Rei yelled again.

Don't care about what? Why does he keep yelling!

"CAN YOU ALL PLEASE SHUT. UP!" I yelled. "I'm trying to sleep!" I said coming into Tala's room. And so the lashing out begins.

"It's only eight..." Enrique commented.

"Since when did you give a damn when I go to bed? Don't you people have some dates to go to or something? Just leave already!"

"What's wrong with you?"

"You never cared before why start asking questions now. I just want to be left alone!"

"Jeez, mood swings. She was just fine an hour ago."

Just fine? Just fine? An hour ago I was yelling and screaming about my homework and the fact that everyone in the house wouldn't shut the hell up. I stabbed a knife into the table and they call that 'just fine'? They really don't pay any attention, I probably could have killed myself with that knife right then and there and they'd still be yacking on and on about nothingness. My body will start to rot and stink up the place before they notice that I'm dead.

"Well, try living your whole life ignored by everyone in the world." I whispered to myself, as I began to head back to my bed.

"What do you expect with your attitude?" Johnny asked.

I stopped but didn't say anything. People began to shift around behind me as they finally got ready for their dates. Then I went back into the room, and slammed the door.

I kicked the garbage can into the air; it hit the wall then fell to the ground. I ran my hands through my long orange hair.

Maybe he's right, there's something wrong with me. That's why no one even seems to notice me. But what is it? What's wrong with me? Why do I have to be such a nobody? Why can't anyone for once notice that I exist? That I'm here? Why am I so different? No matter what, even in a new school, with a fresh start I'm still a nobody. I'm still not able to make any real friends. Still no one talks to me, no one even gives me a second look. WHY? I pushed everything on my desk onto the floor, with a frustrated growl. Do I have the word 'loser' tattooed onto my forehead?

I looked up at the mirror...at my reflection. I'm here, I do exist, I have a reflection, I can see myself. Then why can't anyone else?

My reflection stared back at me, smirking as if it knew something that I didn't, as if it knew what my problem was, what was wrong with me.

"_Stupid"_ "_Loser"" Freak"_ "_Stupid"_ "_Loser"" Freak"_ "_Stupid"_ "_Loser"" Freak"_ "_Stupid"_ "_Loser"" Freak"_

_Their_ taunting voices repeated over and over.

I covered my ears with my hands, closing my eyes. "Stop it! stop it! STOP IT!" tears ran down my checks as I started hitting my head with my hands. "Shut up! Shut up!" My voice got angrier and angrier. " SHUT UUUUUUP!" I snapped and punched the mirror, sharp-pointy pieces of the mirror scattered everywhere, I turned my head, just as the one piece cut me across the cheek.

Breathing hard, I looked around. The whole room was a mess, but at this point of my break down I couldn't care less. I crawled up in a ball on my bed. My hair covering my tear filled face. When I had started to cry, I just couldn't stop, so I just let it come, all of it, fourteen years of bottled up everything.

**One last thing people, I was wondering which you'd all prefer a happy or sad ending…cause we'll song-wise the person is suppose to commit suicide…which I could do…but I have the cutest little happy ending planned out in my head…but it totally doesn't go with the song… and i really want it to go…but the cute ending I have in mind! Can't decide…I just want to know what u ppl think…in the end I'm just going to go with the one I write best or maybe by then I'll have a better ending then what I have in mind…lol well R&R!**


	4. Used and Abused

**Thank you too ppl that read and reviewed! And ppl that just read too:P  
****Hehehe Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai! Kai!  
****Johnny: can you guess why she's so happy…-.-  
****I know! I know! I know!  
****Johnny: of course you know why you're happy…  
****It's cause….-takes deep breath- KAI'S HERE:D don't we all love Kai! Kai…all my stories will revolve around Kai, the one and only, I worship thee him:D ...I need a Kai shrine:P  
Disclaimer: ..yes...well...u know...me no own...but the plot:)**

**Chapter 4- Used and Abused**

_My parents had no clue  
That I ate all my lunches  
Alone in the bathroom_

Simple plan, I'm Just A Kid, I played it while waiting for the bathroom.

"_I'll crawl into my bed, Staring at these four walls again"_

Funny that's exactly what I'm doing now. Staring at three plain white boring walls, which make up my half of the room. I need to get some sort of personality, or hobby or interest. Or something that makes me...not me._  
"I'll try to think about the last time, I had a good time"_

Now that's a challenge...the last time I was truly happy...I'd have to say when I was still in my mom's stomach...ummm actually maybe not, knowing Rei he probably took up all the space in there, and all the food...and air...ummm...do you need air in the womb? Ack, what do I know, haven't had science yet, but even if I did...yeah well you know.

_"Everyone's got somewhere to go. And they're gonna leave me here on my own."_

Alone...that's not so bad. It's...uh...quiet... Heh, who am I kidding? I hate being alone, but being with people...sometimes just makes me feel even more lonely. Does that make sense?Do you know what I mean?

I wandered out into the hallway, empty. I could hear everyone downstairs eating, talking loudly.

Ummm…I wonder… I slowly made my way to Tala's room, I knocked to make sure no one was inside; when no response came I turned the door knob. Unlocked, what luck. I pushed open the door.

Tala's room was very…well to explain it simply, it was very Tala-like. Uncaring looking, things were sort of just thrown places, but it wasn't exactly messy. It was like organized chaos. Shirts thrown to one corner, pants the other, kind of like that.

Now for that letter. Where are you? I looked over his desk, where there were a bunch of papers scattered over it but they all seem to have their place, scattered but neat…? Yeah just don't listen to me anymore.-.-

There was nothing letter-looking on his desk. Let's see, yesterday after everyone read it…Tala took it back…then…ummm…put it in his bag? I don't know, can't quite remember but that would be the logical place to but it.

I scanned the room for his bag, immediately finding it by his bed.

Can you tell I've done this quite a lot? If I want to know something in this house I have to go searching for the answers. I really need to get a hobby.

I looked through his bag, there was a crumpled up piece of paper near the bottom. This was it, it had to be, it was all letter-ie looking.

Because it was all crumpled up, a lot of the letter was hard to read, the words were all smudge. It was a rather short letter, but I could only make out the beginning.

_To…_blotchy patch, probably says Tala considering it was sent to Tala. _This letter is to inform you that_…K…K…e?...no…a…l? or i? Kal? or Kai? _has been released _from _Agricultural Colony of Mount St. Bernard Abbey_…something…something…_for boys_…something… and the rest is really just a blur.

Okay, and this is really important news, why? People were acting weird, why? Jeez, I think they just like to make me worry.

I yawned. "What's there to eat?..." I asked, entering the kitchen, my eyes basically closed.

The once extremely noises kitchen fell silent, all that was heard were my steps towards the refrigerator.

"Cereal it is." I said answering my own question...like always.

"Does she always talk to herself?" an unknown voice asked.

"Huuuh?" I turn around and yawned again. "Ookay...wait...wait...one...Tala...two...Enrique...three…Johnny...four...Max...five...Tyson...six...Rei..**(I always put them in order of age) **seven...Seven? Who's seven? Wait maybe I miscounted," I quickly did a recount. "Yup there's differently one more of you..."

"Uh..." my mom said, I think she was a little taken back by my extreme slowness this morning. "This is...Kai..." she said standing next to a boy. I rubbed my eyes trying to see him more clearly...a guy...blue hair...red eyes...was about all my eyes were allowing me to make out at this point. So this is the dude from the letter.

She drifted off; all of them stared at me as if waiting for a response. My eyes shifted back and forth...awkward...

What? What do they want from me? What am I suppose to say? "Uh, hi...Kai? I'm...Cecilia...nice to meet you?"

He didn't answer, just stared like the rest of them.

"Wow, he's a friendly one..."

Still...silence, I could almost hear their eyes staring at me...ya know if that's possible.

"Ooooooookay? What? What do you want from me? I said 'hi' I introduced myself. What else do you want?"

Rei said something in Japanese and the rest of them nodded, immediately everyone was back to normal...back to ignoring me. Where's my Japanese dictionary when I need it?

"He just got out of military school; he's going to be in the same school as you guys." My mom said randomly. Right the missing words, military school… Agricultural Colony of Mount St. Bernard Abbey Military School for boys….never heard of it.

Hum, explains much, the way he stands so still... tall...quiet... Very disciplined, I haven't seen him blink yet... Military school must be...very..uh...effective.

Note to self: Never **ever** get sent to military school. Shudder, freaky...What did they do to him there?

Now for the up-to-date news on my school life. For the last little while people have actually noticed me...I've gotten attention...just not the kind of attention I wanted. They all stare at me while I pass and I have no clue why, just that it's all caused by one loathsome, destructive, foul little devil, named Britney. Who else? Still mad and getting payback. And. I. Don't. Know. Why! She's found the wonders of rumors and gossip. I just don't know what she's telling everyone...It's freaky how much power she's already obtained over this school, they hang onto her every word...I've been forced to retreat into the washrooms for lunch, I'd do anything to not have to come to school anymore, to not have to see them staring, whispering, and laughing at me, to be able to crawl into a hole and die somewhere peacefully. I'd do anything to not have to see their judgmental faces for just one day.

This washroom stall sure is diiiirty. I seriously never thought I'd ever even go near a stall at this run-down old school, much less be sitting on a toilet...eating my lunch! This place makes me really, really, **really** un-hungry, but I'd rather be in here then out there.

Hum, interesting... 'H.G.+M.L. Love forever' craved in the stall. Awww how sweeeeet! Yeeeeah riiiight. You've found happily ever after till he stabs you in the back and leaves you for someone prettier, taller ,and blonder. Ha, I'm not talking from personal experience I've never had a boyfriend. What a surprise. I watch a lot of movies...I mean a lot, a lot too much for my own good probably. So anyway I've just never really believed in the whole soul mate, someone-out-there-for-everyone thing. Hell, I hardly believe in this whole concept of love, you find someone and you're supposed to get married and have children and you're forever bounded to that one person. What if somewhere down the road you find out that he or she isn't the supposed 'one'? Or what if you suddenly fall out of love? Worst, what if you find out that you never loved them to begin with? Or maybe you find your 'one' but you are not their 'one'? Then what? You get crushed so badly that some even become suicidal. If love is so great, why does it cause so much pain, that it can cause people to kill themselves? It's not worth it... Yet I think about it constantly... uh...moving on

What else is on here? 'Mickey is gay.' there always has to some gay comment. People have no lives...look who's talking...okay, what's next...

The door of my stall suddenly swung opened...thought I locked that...

"Uh..." I looked up... "Britney?"

"We need to talk."

"Talk?... About?" About how you've been spreading rumors about me? About what a bitch you've been or more correctly that you are.

"I've decided I'm willing to forgive you..."

Forgive me? I haven't done a thing! I should be the one mad at you!

"If..."

"If?" God she thinks she's the boss of everyone.

"Yup, can't let you off to easily, you have to earn my trust."

Let me off easily? You mean making everyone in the school think I'm some sort of freak isn't bad enough? Earn your trust! Who do you think you are!

"You can start by doing these," she said dumping a bunch of books onto my lap. Advanced chemistry...advanced biology...advanced Spanish...advanced...advanced, advanced! Does she know who she's giving these to? Has she ever seen ANY of my grades? Hell, I'm not doing these, I can hardly keep up with my own work! She's just a control-freak I don't need her as a friend.

"Soooo? You gonna do 'em or what?"

Hell no! Say no! SAY NO! "Uhhh...n-...y-...uh...um...sure?" God, I have no spine! I HAVE NO SPINE!

"Good, I'm coming over today after school... God this place is such trash. The janitors are really letting this place go." She said with a disgusted expression then started out the door. "You coming or what?" she said almost demanding me to follow her.

No don't! Tell her to screw off! SAY IT! "..uh...c-coming!"

Sigh. See how what I say and what I think are so totally different...but I guess it's for the best. Better to have Britney as a friend then an enemy...It's probably for the better I didn't tell her to piss off or whatever...What am I saying? I'm just trying to justify not sticking up for myself.

I opened the door, with the keys I actually remembered to bring today, and stepped in. Britney stood outside looking in, probably thinking about how the walls don't match with the floors or something.

"Uh...would you like to come in?"

She just kept looking around, and then carefully put one foot in, almost as if she expected mud to rain down on her or something. God, if that happened I would laugh so hard but it could never. Britney's never had so much as a hair out of place. She's perfect.

So anyway, Miss Perfection quickly came in, walking on her tiptoes, like she was trying to keep her shoes clean. What the hell is with that? Damn, she is such a drama queen. Melissa and Vicky did the same rushing behind where she stood.

I took off my shoes and placed them on the self.

"I'll keep my shoes on." The other two nodded agreeing with her.

"Yeah okay." I'll have some fun cleaning all the dirt you trail into this house. Yay! Thanks for the extra work!

I went into the living room where I dropped my bag by the desk and sat down on the chair. I began taking out all the books, some mine, most not. Guess who's? Lazy-ass, can't even carry her own books. Damn…I'm such a pushover. I know it and worst of all she knows it.

Britney stood in front of the couch. Melissa quickly ran over, and when Vicky finally noticed that she was standing alone staring off into space she ran over to Briney where she dusted off the couch and then Melissa pulled out a handkerchief and placed it on a cushion. Then Britney sat down, almost as if she was the Queen of the World. I'm amazed Melissa and Vicky haven't bowed down and kissed her toes yet.

"So, where are your brothers?"

"I don't know, I don't usually get home this early. When I get home most of them are usually already here, but they should be back soon." Got a ride with Britney in her ahem...limo...instead of walking today. I'd take walking over that any day. My brothers this, my brothers that. Do they like this? Do they like that? Jeez, can you be _any _more obvious!

"Alright. Melissa, make-up time then."

And so they began to fix their faces and clothes. Their conversation basically consisted of "How does this look?" and "Does this make me look fat?"

Kill. Me!

Okay, so I guess I'll start with this math homework. It's not advanced and I think I have to do the same thing for my class.

Page...forty…...nine. Here we go. Okay, soooo Question one: Find Y. (-3y+2) - (-5)(-7) (-85) - (-25)

Alright so that's pretty simple...uh...I think. Okay...so I have to solve (-85) - (-25) first...sooo...if your subtracting a negative...with another negative...your taking more away...so the number should get higher. So 85+25...is 110...so the answer is -110? Or wait...if there's a negative and you subtract it by another negative...something's suppose to happen to the second negative or something right? So...-110 can't be right...can it? Damn! I hate integers! Too many rules. Subtracting a negative integer with another is suppose to be negative right? Why could they just make this simple and have one rule that applies to adding, subtracting, multiplying ,and dividing? But noooooooo! They just have to go and make my life difficult!

I'm just going to suppose that it's -110. Moving on... So now I work my way backwards right? So because they're beside each other like that...it means that (-5) was multiplied by (-7)...so now I divide my -110 by... (-7)? and then divide that by (-5)?...calculator time...2.85714...so on so on... decimals? Something tells me I didn't do that right...let's try that on the calculator again...2.85714...okay so same thing...what did I do wrong! Urg! I'm stuck! ON THE FIRST QUESTION!

"How could you have lost her?" Rei asked concerned.

"She wasn't at her locker, at the usual time! It wasn't my fault!" Max said.

"You can't do anything right." Johnny stated as a matter of fact.

"Cool it-" Enrique suddenly stopped mid-sentence. "And you three would be?"

"They're...uh...yeah...my 'friends'...I guess." I said and that's when they all actually noticed I was in the room, hidden behind a mountain of books.

"I see," Enrique smiled.

And whatever they were all concerned about went out the window. This is why none of them could ever be a police officer or a fireman or anything of that sort. They'll be in the middle of chasing some psychopath that rapes little boys or trying to save an elderly lady from a burning house and they'll drop it all, the moment a women crosses their path. They've got to learn how to prioritize.

And so their flirting begins...with the twisting of the hair around their fingers, large plastered on smiles and cheerful laughs and nods like they're really interested in what my brothers are telling them. Someone just poke my eyes out. Pleeeeeeeeease! I can't watch this. Ewwwwww!

Hum that dude from this morning's back. If he's been in Military school...how does this family know him? How does everyone know him but me? Better question, why does he keep staring at me, like he's going to jump me at any second? Don't look up...don't look up. He's eyes are so...scary. It's like he can see right into my thoughts, into my soul. Scaaaaary.

That was a nice distraction from the tortures of homework...now back to work. Greeeeeeeeeat! Fun!

Geography. State the- Giggle... four different types- Giggle... of ra- Giggle...

Oh, my god! Stop giggling! Stop giggling! AHHH! Last hour nothing but giggling! Why do they giggle so much! Why is flirting always associated with lots and lots of giggling? How am I suppose to concentrate if I hear this short, spasmodic laugh every five damn seconds! How? How! Tell me how? I started to bang my head on the table hoping I'd lose enough brain cells for my brain to completely shut down and I wouldn't have to live through this nightmare any longer. Nothing so far...

"Stop that!" Britney suddenly snapped at me. "Ahem, so you were saying?" she said to Enrique, smiling showing her pearly whites.

Even in my own house, she thinks she can boss me around...sad thing is she can and she does.

The front door opened and shut very quickly. A cold wind entered the house.

"Cold." I couldn't see him but I heard him by the front door, my dad. He kicked his shoes off, then headed to the kitchen but stopped right in front of the living room. "Didn't we establish that there will be no guests...of that sort...here at the house...on weekdays, boys?" Ha! My dad's way of saying no dates at the house. He can't stand watching them giggle and make fools of themselves either! I have an ally!

"Well they aren't our guests, they're the squirts'." Johnny said leaning his head towards my direction.

"Cecilia?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was asking if I was behind this pile of books or if it was really me, his daughter that actually brought home a friend. Yes, it's been that long since I've brought anyone home. My parents think I've got no friends, and in some way they're totally right.

"Yes, me here behind this stack of books." I guess that answers both questions.

"Well, that's great honey." he said smiling "I'll start dinner then, are you three staying?"

No...No! Say NO! Please god, let her say no! NO! N-

"Yes, that sounds wonderful." She said so sweetly, so innocently. Urg, I hate her! I bet she can even get my father wrapped around her little finger. Damn her! Damn her! Damn me for letting her be here!

"Alright, it's nice having you girls here." he said then left to start cooking, so much for an ally.

When my dad was done cooking, after I had set the table and after my mom had arrived home, gave me the same surprised expression that I had people over like my father had done, we all sat down for dinner.

And so the conversation of doom began.

"It's nice to have you girls over. Cecilia doesn't really bring friends over much." ...Did she have to say that? Now she's just confirmed how pathetic I am!

"It's a real pleasure to be here. The food is really wonderful." Food.. I bet anything she has no clue what she's eating. I'm sort of surprised she's even eating it...

"Are in the same classes as Cecilia?" my father asked.

"Unfortunately, no. I was really hoping to, I even asked the office to switch me into at least one of her classes but sadly it was all full." Hell, where is she pulling all this shit from?

"Well that's too bad… maybe next semester then."

"Yes, hopefully."

"So how is grade nine going for you? First year of highschool that must be a big deal." My parents make better conversation with strangers then with me.

"Well, it is kind of challenging at times but I think I'm doing fine."

"Really? If you don't mind me asking. What are your grades like?" God, I think they found the daughter they wish they had...

"Yes, I got into the top 5 percentile last year, and I think I'm doing just as well this year." Yes, the bimbo-squad gets better grades then me. How? I have no clue; I'm just a real idiot I guess. I work just about a hundred times harder then they do but still... I don't get how they achieve those marks though, seriously. In Science last year I asked them about mitosis and they asked me "What kind of toast? French?" Yet they got 90s as a final grade and I got...well let's not get into what I got... And they want me to do they're homework why? They could do it a billion times better then I ever could! ..They're just lazy-asses...

Britney went the rest of the night talking about her extracurricular activities...like volunteering at a homeless shelter, helping the sick at the hospital, taking care of the old in an old folks' home and picking up garbage to help save the environment. Pfft, and I'm getting straight A's! She wouldn't be caught dead in any of those places! But my parents just ate it all up. They've found their model daughter, the one they've always wished for, the one they always wished I was. "Oh, that's so great this,", "Oh, that's just so wonderful that.", and "Cecilia did you hear what she just said?" No, I didn't hear her; I'm only sitting right next to her... Of course I heard that lying little bitch! I think she's purposely trying to make me feel like nothing, not that I don't already feel like that, every single second of every minute I'm awake. Where's a swirling black vortex when you need one? Can't it just suck me up and tear me to piece? I'd take that death to living through this crap day in and day out.

"Cecilia?"

"Yes mom? I'm just clearing away the dishes."

"Your friends are leaving..."

"Uh-huh."

"Don't you want to say good-bye?"

"Ummm...nah. They'll...call...later anyway." Wow biggest lie ever, right there.

"Oh, okay." She said then helped me with the dishes.

My dad then entered the kitchens. "I like them. You've made yourself some really great friends."

"Yeah, they're...wonderful…" I said as I turned on the tap and started to wash the dishes.

My dad turned it off. "You know what? I'll take care of it today."

"But, it's my day, and they were my..._friends_" urg, it just pains me to call them that. "...so most of these dishes are because of me..."

"It's okay I've got it. Go rest or something." Yeah, rest...more like go do my _friends'_ homework.

"Alright dad." I said about to walk away.

"Wait," my mom said stopping me. "We're glad you're finally fitting in at school." My parents smiled at me.

"Umhum, it's great." I forced a smile on, and then walked away. _My parents have no clue..._

I sighed. Back to work. I haven't actually finished any of the homework completely. I'd get halfway through it...not even; get stuck...then switch subjects. Let's see let's work on...Spanish?...I don't know any Spanish! How am I suppose to do this? How? How? How! I banged the book against my head. **(She just loves to do that! So do I :P)**

"Are you trying to beat the information into your head or something?"

I turned there he stood, blue hair boy...doesn't he have a home of his own?

"You shouldn't let them push you around like that..."

"Huh? What are you talking about?" what's he getting at...

"That's not your work, is it?"

"It... could be."

"You're taking Spanish? You?" he asked as if he knew me. Hello, I just meet you this morning, stop acting like you know me!

"I could be!"

"Yeah, right." he said disbelievingly. "I'm out. Bye." then he left. The living room, yes...the house?...I'm not too sure.

**O yes, about the ending, it may be alternate endings like SO suggested…cause well I can't really decide…but ****_Nightrage_**** I like ur thinking:P o well we'll see… sry if I don't answer what everyone says in their reviews but I don't wanna make me AN overly long…but must likely i'll get to ya sooner or later! lol…well R&R everyone pretty please:D**


	5. Even Strangers Make My Life Hell

**Hi people! OMG! 50 reviews! You people totally rock:D You're all tooooo nice! Don't ever change:D  
****Well supposely we aren't suppose to use lyrics from songs so i don't wanna get deleted so yeah, no lyrics...but! if u have time u can go and google it:P It's the fifth verse thingy second line to the fourth line:P  
****Tala: Who cares about this story enough to go out and look it up?  
****Kai: People have lives unlike you.  
****AO: Don't make me put you back in the box!...Tala!  
****Tala:..hey! What about Kai?  
****AO: but i love Kai! -huggle- Who could do that to this cute face!  
****Kai: -annoyed- I'd rather go in the box...  
****Tala:...me too...AO doesn't own beyblade once again.**

**Chapter 5 - Even Strangers Make My Life Hell  
**-insert lyrics here:P-

I think...the gossiping has stopped. I stepped into the cafe...no stares, no looks...nothing at all. For once I am sooooo glad to be nothing, to be invisible! Yes! No having to sit in the smelly, extremely rat infested, not to mention dirty washrooms! Now...new problem...where to sit?

"Ha! Are you kidding?" the was a loud voice that drew everyone's attention. I turned to the right to see a group of girls sitting at a very bright pink-flowered decorated table. Ewww. Not that there's anything wrong with pink, I love pink, it's my favorite color. **It really is!...on good dayz...lol:P** It's just that particular pink hurts my eyes.

"N-no.." the boy seemed so nervous, I'm amazed he managed to muscle up the strength to even say that one word. When I get nervous I just totally shut down, I can't speak, see, or even think clearly. All I do is hear people's voices around me but what good is that when I can't even answer them.

"I'm sorry, I can't date you. I only go out with...you know guys." she said that a little louder then she had too...

"Are you calling me a...girl?" The dude was confused...if I were him, not that I'd ask out a girl but anyway if I were him, I would have ran soooooo long ago.

"No that would be a diss to girls. You're an 'it', a hideous monster, dirt on the bottom of my shoe, no worst then that...you're nothing. Now get out of my face before yours makes me hurl." she laughed with her little group of friends.

I recognized the one that had just so publically shot down that guy, Enrique's current girlfriend. I've seen them make-out soooo many times, her disgusting face trying to devour Enrique has been eternally engraved into my brain. I'd say she was another Britney...but Britney is probably much worst and can cause a lot more damage in someone's life. You see, this girl she's mean and everyone knows it so when she tells you something, you laugh with it and you spread it around but no one really believes it. But with Britney, everyone thinks she's this angel sent from above, so when she tells you something everyone, I mean everyone! you saw her with my parents, they believe her! She could tell everyone the world was flat and they'd change around all the facts so that it fits to what she says. I'm the only one that sees her for what she really is, a fake.

So anyway, I didn't notice what happened to that guy. I kept staring at them. I don't get it. Yes, she had a boyfriend, my brother, so she did the right thing in turning him down. But did she have to make a scene? Did she have to make that guy almost cry? Did she had to say all those mean things? I don't get it! Why are their people like that on this Earth? Why do they think that humiliating someone like that is fun? Why do they think it's cool? What is wrong with people these days!

"Do we have a problem here?"

I blinked a couple of times, coming out of my own little world and back into reality.

"What are you staring at?" well her voice didn't sound to nice...

"What are you stupid or something. Answer!" another girl yelled.

Wait...are they talking to me? "Huh?"

"Why are you staring at us?" another one asked,

"I know you wished you were us and all but jeez don't be that pathetic." Another girl commented.

"You're practically on your knees, staring and begging us to notice you. Like a pitiful little dog." Isn't this a little unfair? Five to one.

Are they getting up?...and getting closer?...and closer? Say something to make them go away!..I've got nothing...

"What? You're not even going to defend yourself..." okay...I'm getting nervous...Which means even if I had something to defend myself with, some harsh words or stupid insults I wouldn't be able to use them.

"What? Think you're too good to talk to us now?" What is she talking about! She's the one picking on me here!

"Oh, you're trying the little ignore them and they'll go away thing." Enrique's girlfriend, who happened to be leading the pack, leaned in. Talk about too close for comfort. Not that I'd feel comfortable even if they were 100ft. away. "Little tip: that doesn't work." she whisper. "Ops!" she said rather cheery as she flipped over my tray, and my soup split all over me. She didn't even bother to make it seem like an accident.

My mouth opened almost as if I was going to yell or scream but nothing came out. They laughed as they walked away all happy, and all cheery about being total jerks.

Urg...I'm covered, in burning soup! God must hate me! God MUST detest me! In a past life I must been some sort of murderer, to be punished like this now! Why is this happening to me of all people? If I had just minded my own business!

Okay, which way out of this place and towards the washroom. I couldn't get myself to look up. I do NOT want to see anyone's face laughing at me right now. I don't think I can take anymore of that in this lifetime.

"Celie! Over here!" I hear a **real** loud voice. Guess who? Britney, no doubt. Not now! Can't she see I'm a little busy right now? You'd think she'd be avoiding me...after some of the most popular people in the school **(more popular then Britney, just cause they're in a higher grade)** not only made fun of me in front of everyone but poured streaming hot soup all over me and my clothes.

"Celie! Come here now!" urg...she must really want something bad. Just follow the annoying voice and I'll eventually reach her table without having to look up.

Vicky and Melissa immediately pulled me down onto the chair. Then they got up clearing the rest of the people, currently sitting at that table, away.

"Uh..okay?"

"So what's with you and that guy?" Britney got right to the point.

"What guy?" couldn't this wait? If she hasn't noticed the soup is really hot!

"Don't act dumb. The one with the blue hair."

"...umm..you mean Kai?" It's like burning my flesh hot!

"Yeah, what's with you and him?"

"Nothing, I meet him like yesterday morning." She must really not give a damn about me.

"Don't lie. You can tell me right? We're best friends aren't we?" ha! Is she kidding?

"Nothing, I seriously meet him yesterday."

"Stop with the all innocent act and tell me." Woa...why's she pushing this so much?

"I told you. What do you want from me?"

"You and him were talking last night."

"Huh?"...last night...last night... "Oh, about Spanish courses...didn't you leave by then?"

"I came back to get my keys. You were alone with him...and all you guys talked about was Spanish classes?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay, fine. Whatever. You can go now." she said shooing me away.

How nice. I got up really confused... but it wouldn't be the first time, so who cares?

More importantly at this moment... Washroom...washroom...where are you?

How exactly do you clean off soup from clothes your wearing? And to think I actually thought today would be a..dare I say it...**_good_** day. Isn't that ridiculous? I've had weeks of rumors and weird looks so I figured when Britney's not mad at me anymore the day would go good. And I wined up covered in soup. How wrong I was, how very wrong I was indeed.

I think it's some kind of cursed...no defect in me, in me and only me, no one else in the family, just _special_ old me. Something went wrong when I was made, something went terribly wrong and I developed something in me. The loser gene I will call it, and every time something like this happens to me it's because of that gene. And I will pass it on to my children and my children's children, and children's children's children, and so on and so forth. And they will spent their days like me, ignore with this feeling of nothingness wherever they go. That is to say if I even have children, which I won't which is good 'cause I hate kids, they're annoying, they're loud, they always end up spoiled somehow, and they cry and cry and cry... and they're dirty! Always getting sticky somehow!

**3rd person's P.O.V.**

Melissa and Vicky immediately sat back at the table when Cecilia had left in search of the washrooms.

"So? What did she say?" Melissa asked.

"She said nothing was up with them. Such a liar! I mean seriously if she was really my friend she'd be able to tell me the truth."

"How do you know she's lying?"

"I spent hours working on that guy yesterday night, he wouldn't so much as look at me! Me! But the moment I leave he talks to Cecilia? Something is definitely up!"

"Huh...I don't get why we're making such a big deal about her. It's just Cecilia. I mean didn't you want her brothers, which you've already basically got. Who cares about the other guy?" Vicky said without thinking...as usual.

"Don't question Britney! You have no right!" Melissa automatically defended Britney.

"Calm down Melissa. Vicky, listen carefully. I, Britney, care so therefore you have to care too! Do not question my orders ever!" she said almost the exact think as Melissa, but her voice brought ten times more fear into people then anyone else ever could. "I don't want him but I'm damn well not going to let anyone else get him! Especially not Cecilia!" Britney banged her fist on the table. "I'm going to make her suffer. I am going to make her hurt." she didn't want to lose it in the middle of the cafe where everyone could see her _other_ side so she got up and left quickly.

"You know...she's been really mad like that towards Cecilia since that first day at school, in the cafe. She's been real mean. I mean, Cecilia is one of our friend right?" Vicky asked not really sure "Britney's seemed almost...threatened by Cecilia...now isn't that silly?".

"You really are dim-witted." Melissa said going after Britney like always.

**hehehe,yeah...she's jealous... why?...can't tell ya til like the 9th chapter:P **

**Normal P.O.V.**

"ENRIQUE!" A voice penetrated the whole house, there was loud banging from the door.

"I'm not here!" Enrique immediately yelled, trying to run for cover.

"Nah, whatever trouble you've gotten yourself into your getting yourself out." Rei said pulling Enrique back.

"But I don't want to!" Enrique asked whiningly, like a three year old.

"Then you should stop getting murderous women on your back." Johnny commented. This wasn't unusual, Enrique had a habit of choosing the worst women ever. True, they were pretty and all, the problem was they didn't take reject too well...so Enrique would have to take more drastic measures to get ride of them.

"But then it's no fun if they aren't!"

"Go fix your problem." Tala ordered.

Enrique slouched downwards while walking slowly to the loud pounding door. It's not like the person on the other side was going anywhere any time soon. We once wondered how long one of them would stay out there so we didn't answer the door...two hours...twenty-eight minutes and...fourty-nine seconds...then the police came so..yeeeeah, she fought back for quite awhile and in the end the police hauled her little ass away. No worries though, she probably never made it there, her family probably got her out and home with a snap.

This was always enjoyable to watch... Enrique opened the door, knowing to stand at the side as the girl basically fell into the house. She quickly got up on her feet again. Anyone with half a brain could tell she was going to blow, and it wasn't going to be pretty.

"Hi?" Enrique attempted to say in his cutest voice, unfortunately for him it wasn't going to do any good.

She breathed in and out loudly, 'till she got enough control over herself to say something. "You...saw...you!" though not enough control to form an actual sentence.

"Saw me...what?"

She look like she wasn't going to slap him good just from acting dumb. "Back of the school... Two words: Michelle Andrews."

"Sorry...don't know her."

"You were making OUT WITH HER DURING THIRD PERIOD!" she totally broke the sound barrier with the last part of that sentence. "I saw you through the window of my classroom." Ouch that's gotta hurt...finding out your boyfriend's cheating on you in front of the whole class. I'd feel really sorry for her if she wasn't one of those popular people that make people like me's lives a living hell.

"Oh, so that was her name..." he's just asking for it now...

"You're not going to even deny it!"

"You said so yourself, you saw me...but if you want an excuse...uh...It wasn't me?...ummm...The Doppleganger Syndrome?" he said not sounding convincing at all.

"You said that last time!" with that she lost it slapped him across the face then stomped away, probably expecting Enrique to follow her or something. Yeah right. Instead all she got was the loud bang of the front door slamming shut.

"Yeah, and I'm surprise you brought it last time." Enrique said from the other side of the door, holding his cheek. "Ow, she hits haaaard!" Enrique went back to his whinny voice.

I smiled. That was entertaining. I wonder why Enrique did that though? I mean as much as I hate her...they looked pretty good together...like happy, they looked pretty _happy_ together. She definitely wasn't his type, she was mean and bitchy but Enrique did seem to like her...kinda, most so then usual...He stayed with her longer then anybody he's ever gone out with. What changed his mind about her? Besides the fact that she's a total- there's no one word for what she is. Let's see...Demon, cretin, pest, banshee, brute, halfwit, ignoramus, loudmouth, urchin, simpleton, the devil herself...uh...birdbrain...ninny...uh...ummm...nincompoop!...and that's all I can come up with, me, a girl with very loooooooooooow vocabulary. If I was of normal intelligence level I'm sure I could go on and on and on. Oh well, why question a good thing, right?

Oh, my god. I just realized something. T.G.I.F! Thank. God. It's. A. Friday!**(I miss TGIF. Do you pplz remember it? If you live in Canada...dunno if it showed in the US...lol) **I'm so glad it's Friday. Two whole days free of self-absorbed-spoiled-perky-attention-striving people! plus my fighting classes are tomorrow! It is seriously the **only** thing that gets me through the week!-

"Honey, I'm very busy and I can't drive you to your classes tomorrow." Wow...God just loves to bring my hopes up and then letting it crash and burn the very next second.

"But mom, I can't miss tomorrow's lesson. Competitions are soon, I want to qualify this year." Realize how I said this year, I've tried many, many years before. My teacher keeps telling me I have _some_ potential but it's not good enough. When will it be 'good enough'? What is 'good enough'? How do I get to 'good enough'?

"Actually...it's not just tomorrow's lessons...I won't be able to drive you for awhile."

"What? What about dad?"

"We're really busy right now. We're totally swamped with work. I'm sorry you can't go to these lessons anymore." Urrrrrrrg. I wanted to yelled about how they were always busy and the only thing that they've actually drove me to in years was these classes which I had to practically beg them to do and still have to remind them every week. But I didn't, I held it in, like always. My parents work very hard to get money to support us, I should be grateful. I reminded myself. I should be grateful.

These classes made me happy though, not much these days do, so I'm not about to give them up. "I'll...just...take the bus then!"

"Pfft. You take the bus?" Max said not taking his eyes off his games.

"What? What's wrong with that?"

"You took it once, got lost. Remember?" Rei said joining in against me...obviously.

"No, I don't and I'm beginning to think it never happened."

"Well you did. You went. You got lost. You're not going again. End of story." Enrique said coming into the living room holding in apple that he then took a bite out of.

"Since when did you start caring what I do?"

"He's right. I don't think you should."

"Oh, come on mom! I won't get lost! How hard could it be? Take the bus, that practically stops in front of our house, to the subway. Take that, which only goes like two ways so it's kind of hard to get lost. And then I'm basically there!"

"Do you know what stop to get off of on the subway? And are you're right they only go two ways, but which was would you get on to get to your destination?"

"Uh...well...I don't know..." but I bet you do. "But I could look it up...I'm sure it's not that hard to get there."

"Yeah, right. I've seen you get lost trying to get out of the school." Tala said, lounged on the couch looking like he was about to take a nap.

How did he know about that? "That was on the first day!"

"But you passed the exit twice...there was a sign too..." he yawned.

What were you doing? Following me around?

"Honey, if you can get one of your brothers to dive you then you can go."

"No."

"No."

"No."

They all answered quickly. Well thanks for thinking about it. Not that I actually thought any of them would.

"Guys at least think about it."

"Work." they all answered.

"Enrique," I aimed for the one I had the most chance of getting a yes out of. "Please. It's like fifteen-twenty minutes away from where you work!"

"Yes, but I'd have to come home from work, pick you up, then dive there and back to my work. That's at least an hour drive, if there's no traffic which there always is. My lunches are at most forty-five minutes. Sorry kid, not going to happen."

Nooooooo. Johnny?...nah, no chance there, gonna keep going up the ladder of brothers. "Tala?" the only answer I got out of him was a slight, quick snore. "Urg! Fine. I'm going to sleep then..."

I going to those classes, and I don't care how I'm going to get there...

I realized what I probably hate most about people yesterday night. Their complaining. I mean, yes I realize I probably do it a lot, but I am grateful for things. I know that when I get really annoyed I rant on and on about things but that's just me letting off steam (like I've been doing a lot lately). The thing is I only rant in my head, it's not like I go around telling people about this and that. Some people just talk on and on about themselves and complain about their lives but have no real reason to. It's like a hobby, they just do it 'cause they need something to say, they want...no _need_ attention, so they whine.

Last night when I snuck downstairs to look up subway maps and bus directions, I also happened to sign onto MSN. I have few people on my list, most are there but I never talk to them and they never talk to me. But anyway, Britney for some unknown totally weird reason was home and not out partying. She just starts the conversation right off the bat with complaining about total nothingness. No "Hello," no "How are you doing?" just "Me. _Me_. **Me!**" not that I really expected her to talk about anything besides herself. She was complaining about having to go to all these places with her family. I would give anything to do something with my parents. They're always busy, work here, work there, there's no time for us to do anything as a whole family and it's not like me and my brothers are going to randomly do something all together, though sometimes I do wish we did...like we 'supposely' used to.. Though I shouldn't complain, my parents help a lot of kids in doing their job. Britney's parents are practically retired. I forget what exactly they used to do, but they basically made loads of money then stopped working as much so they could spend more time together. Britney shows her gratitude by doing nothing but complain about how lucky she is.

The only reason why I'm ranting right now is 'cause of something Britney did...or always does that really ticks me off. She talks to me and the moment someone...I guess _better_ comes along she stops talking to me. The conversation just goes dead, and if I talk she just doesn't answer or it takes her five minutes at the least. I'm just someone to occupy her time till she can find someone to give her the attention she's really longing for.

Well anyway I'm getting bored just listening to myself talk, rant...and I guess in some degree complain. What can I say? You are what you hate...and I hate a lot of things...

Onto something more important. I have decided to take the bus. I'm actually kinda excited. Anything to break my old tired, everyday routine I've been doing since before I can remember. And what's the worst that can happen? I get lost? So what? People will notice...right?...They'll come looking for me...If I got kidnaped or whatever, they'd send help...right?... If I were killed they'd find my body...it won't just rot on the ground for all eternity...right? They'd look for the killer...they'd care riiiiiight?

God, I just went from getting lost, to getting kidnaped, to getting murder. I gotta stop thinking. I gotta stop over-thinking everything. I'm taking the bus, that's it, that's final.

Eight o'clock on a Saturday morning...what's wrong with me? I quickly checked where everyone was. Rei still in bed, same with Max, Johnny gone, Enrique still snoring away, he's going to be late, and Tala...door locked. Mom and dad loooooooooong gone, not even gonna bother checking.

Wow, a hardly touched washroom, well now I know Johnny's not the cause of the mess everyday.

I snuck down as quietly as I possibly could, dressed in black. I don't know it fit the mood of sneaking out and all, except for the fact that it was bright out and the darkness of my outfit would probably attract more attention then anything. I held my uniform in my bag swung over my shoulder.

I walked down the stairs like a burglar, kinda felt like on. I looked up seeing if someone was going to suddenly pop out of nowhere. Why was I so paranoid? I'm acting like some psychopath is after me and I'm looking over my shoulder every seconds.

"What are you doing?" a uniformed, lifeless sounding voice asked. **(Just wanted another way to say monotone...lol)**

"Huh?" startled I turned my head sharply throwing off my balance, I plummeted to the bottom of the staircase. "OW!" my head hit the wall. "SHIT!"

"You're going to wake everyone up." the expression in his voice unchanging, more like the lack of expression in his voice unchanging.

My head shot up to see him. Does he ever go home? "What are you trying to do? Scare me to death?"

"I only asked you a simple question."

Wait...How did he get in here? "Breaking and entering is a criminal offence."

"I didn't break in..."That it? No explanation on how he did get in? I'm not even going to bother asking.

I slowly got up. Damn, my head hurt. Wow...even more dizzying when I'm standing. "You...what... here doing?" I don't think that came out quite right.

He looked at me funny then his face faded back to emotionless-ness. "Why are you up so early?" he asked ignoring my question that didn't entirely make sense anyway.

I shrugged. "Maybe I'm always up now."

"If you were, you wouldn't be so jumpy and you wouldn't have fallen down those stairs just now."

Why is he always questioning the things I do? "Maybe I just like to fall down stairs!" okay that was just a really stupid thing to say...

He stared.

I sighed. "I'm going to take the bus. Got a problem with that?"

"No."

"Okay then." I said putting on my shoes then running out the door. It's not like I was in a rush to get there, I'm actually early for my lessons, three hours early in fact. I was just in a rush to get away from the house, away from my brothers and away from that guy that did nothing but question me.

I looked at the times the bus was coming. "Another 15 minutes till the next one?" Urg, if I haven't had to stop to talk to military boy I would have made the last one! Sigh, complaining isn't exactly going to bring a bus here any sooner. At least there's a bench. I sat down. A **wet **bench... this is going to be a long trip.

The bus was rather empty. There was filled with only a couple people. I took a seat at the very back where no one else was. I hope I'm on the right bus...

The bus stayed stationary for a little while then finally started. A tall figure approached sitting across from me. Looking up I saw...him! Again? Can you say Stalker?

I stared at him, he stared at me. Yet gave no explanation of his presence. I continued to stare and he continued to stare back.

Okay, this is ridiculous. "Why are you here?" I finally asked.

He shrugged. "I'm taking the bus."

"Well no duh! I'm asking you why you're taking the bus?" I said a little too loudly. "Ops, sorry." I said to the rest of the people on the bus.

"You sure yell a lot."

"And you sure stalk a lot."

He shrugged again. Can I ever get an explanation out of this guy? Fine, I'm just not going to talk to you either. Humph.

Silence. Nothing but the sounds of the bus...not moving. Been on this bus for about fifteen minutes and still haven't gotten anywhere. Enrique was right, traffic, it sucks, it wreaks...it's poowey! Urg! Why hasn't anyone invented a flying bus yet? Then I'd already be there and away from him and his staring and unspeakingness and the silence and the quiet and the lack of noise. Seriously I think I can hear myself breathing...I think I can hear other people breathing! Make them stop!

The bus finally made it to it's third stop since I got on...which is what? Like three streets down from where I got on. I'm beginning to think walking would have been faster.

A group of guys packed onto the bus, talking. Finally, some sound! I was getting annoyed of hearing my voice, in my head talking away...to myself.

They stood around the middle of the bus. Talking, yelling, laughing. Can't really make out what the heck they're talking about though. The parts they yell don't make sense on their own. Like, "Go." and "You can do it, man!" and other things like that. Along with a lot of laughing...and pushing for some reason.

I don't know why I'm so curious. I have this thing where I listen in on other people's conversations, I do it every time I'm in a crowd, like in the cafe, which got me into some trouble last time. Bad habit but it's what I do.

"Hey there." one of the guys sat next to me.

"Huh?" I've gotta stop spacing out like that.

"Hey," he repeated.

"Oh, um..hi."

"So where are you off to?"

"Uh...do I know you?"

"No, but you could." he smiled.

"Uh...oookay?" that's suppose to mean, what?

"Name's Nick."

"Uh...nice to...meet you...I guess."

"What's yours?"

"Umm...it's Ce-"

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to talk to strangers?"

I gave out a frustrated growl. Now he decides to talk while for the last fifteen minutes I was what? Non-existent? "Why you care so much about what I do."

"I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't give your name out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry out there."

"I'll do what I want."

"You're an idiot." he slouched back on his seat.

"Listen man, we're trying to talk here. Maybe you should go bug someone else."

"Maybe you should get lost."

"Are you going to make me?" the guy stood up.

He shrugged, like always. Standing up. Wow, tall, towering over the other guy. Never realized how tall her was, everyone seems tall to me.

**3rd Person P.O.V.**

The two stared at each other. Where this was going? Not too sure.

The guy suddenly leaned in. "Listen man I'm just trying to get some, you know?"

Kai's face filled with both disgust and anger but mainly anger. He grabbed him by the collar his other hand formed a fist.

**Yes so I've notice you ppl ask alot of questions in your reviews. Do I confuse you? I'm sorry, it's just I've gotten into foreshadowing thingy and giving away only little bits of information at a time...nothing gets revealed till the later on chapters:P So I'm sry but I can't answer alot of your questions, but I assure you it will all make sense...just later:P  
****Nooow...R&R:) Puhlease? If you do...ummm...what do I have for you this time?...uhh, I dunno, name ur price in ur review and i'll see wat I can do:P**


	6. That’s my life Love it, embrace it cause...

**Urg, don't really like this chapter cause...well...it's dumb...:P..feel free to skip it if u want to save urself from the torture of an extremely crummy chapter:P  
****Tala: if you really want to save yourself, you should just skip the whole story.  
****Sometimes I wonder why I even like you...  
****Tala: Then I can leave?  
****But then I remember it cause ur sooo cute:D -pinches cheeks-  
****Tala: I'm not a little kid!  
****- baby voice- Of courwe ur not! Ur a big boy!  
****Tala: -mumbles- I don't know why I bother... -leaves-  
****hehehe...okay...soooo THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS:D Pocky for everyone! as _Angelic White Wolf_ suggested:P you're gonna haveta use ur imagination and pretend...cause I don't think I can send 'em virtually:P**

**Chapter 6 - That's my life. Love it, embrace it cause it ain't gonna change.  
**" _blah blah blah" _- anything that is a memory, voices and stuff  
_blah _or **blah** - emphasis on word

**Normal P.O.V.**

This was a great first memory on a bus. Two guys glaring at each other, I don't even know why this is happening. Would someone like to clue me in to why the hell this is happening right now?

The Nick guy leaned in whispering something I didn't quite catch. All of a sudden Kai grabbed his collar about to punch the daylights out of this guy. I have no doubt that he could if he wanted to.

They weren't actually going to fight...were they? I quickly pulled the yellow-cord-dingy-thingy and the bus stopped. I grabbed Kai's wrist and pulled him off the bus.

"Woa! Calm down!" psycho maniac! I see why he was locked up in Military school now! Random outbursts of rage! "I don't know how it goes in Military school, if they give you a medal or whatever for every guy you kill but out here and anywhere with civilization, you get thrown in jail for it!"

"Don't tell me you don't know what that guy wanted."

"Uh...wha?"

"He was at least three years older then you."

"So are you. Is that suppose to mean something to me?"

"Dense and dumb, what a great combination..." he shook his head.

"Do you follow me around just so you can keep insulting me?"

He shrugged. Stop. Shrugging!

"Can you ever just give me a damn answer!"

He shrugged.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I gave out a frustrated cry then stomped away. I. Am. Going. To. Crucify. Him... one day.

I walked, picking up my speed every now and then trying to get some distance between me and him. I'd say I've been walking for about ten minutes...think I'm far enough? We'll I'm wiped out so I'd say I am.

Okay...so houses to my right, houses to my left, a long road in front of me, a long road behind me. And I'd be where right now? Well, no need to panic I'm sure if I go back this way it'll lead me back to the main roady thingy. Where buses and stuff stop.

Eight forty-five. I've been aimlessly wandering for about twenty minutes and no main road. But that's okay, it's okay..I'll be okay...I'm sure it's just a little further.

Nine o'clock. Just a little further.

Nine fifteen. I'm almost there.

Nine thirty. It's right there, it's right there. Just the next street, I'm sure!

Nine forty-five. I am totally and completely LOST! But I guess you already figured that what? An hour ago. I think I've only gotten myself more lost by roaming about. I'm beginning to wish I stayed with the anger-problem dude.

I'm beginning to wish I never got off that bus. I'm beginning to wish I never got on that bus in the first place. I'm beginning to wish I was at home watching TV and eating junk food. Darn, why didn't I stay home? Why do I have to be such a moron? This is the part where I usually bang my head against something... Oh look a brick wall, how perfect. "I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot! Why didn't I just stay with the arrogant jerk? Why did I leave him again?" I mumbled to myself between the times I banged my head.

"Why is it that every time I see you, you're banging your head against something. No wonder you're such an idiot."

Right, that's why I left 'cause of his I'm-better-then-everyone-else attitude. "Don't you ever go away? You're like a living, breathing nightmare that just keeps coming back!"

"Okay, I'm going." he said uncaring...with a shrug, then began to walk away.

URG! That little- wait... don't I need him to get home? Don't I need him to get un-lost? Sigh, I'll just swallow my pride (It's not like it's the first time I've done that) and follow him. Sigh...again. "Hold on! I'm coming!"

Walk. Walk. Walk. Hello? Say something! I can't stand silence as you may have already guessed. It drives my utterly insane!

Left foot. Right foot. Don't step on the crack. Left foot. Right foot. Don't step on the crack. Left foot. Right foot. Don't step on the crack. Left foot. Right foot. Ops, stepped on the crack, wonder if that'll break my mother's back. Well that took what little fun there was out of it.

Ummm...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaait! He just got here from military school, right? Soooo...what are the chances he knows where the hell he's going? Ah! I've been following around someone that has no clue where anything is! I fell to the ground and sat curled up in a ball. I'm going to be lost for the rest of my life!

"What the hell are you doing?"

"You don't know where anything is! I'm going to die on the streets! My body will rot on the ground for all eternity cause no one will ever find us just as I predicted! And the worst part is it'll rot beside your ugly carcass!" I pointed at his face. I had said everything really quickly only slowing down for the last three words. **(HE IS NOT UGLY!)**

"You're such a whinny little brat, you know that?"

"I can't help it, I grew up with Enrique." What can I say? I picked up some traits from my brothers.

"Okay, number one, we're not going to die if worst comes to worst we'll simply call someone to come pick us up. You do have five brothers for a reason." Like they'd ever come for me. "Number two, if for some odd and unpredictable reason something does happens. I can reassure you that you will not eternally rot "beside my ugly carcass" 'cause I won't die, so you can rot on your own." Oh, how nice, he'd let me die while he runs off and saves himself. "And lastly, who said I didn't know where I was going?"

"How could you know where anything is if you just got out of the pokey?"

He raised a brow. "Pokey? I didn't just get out of jail."

"Military school, jail seems very similar to me."

He sighed then started walking again. Hmm...be lost alone? Or be lost with him? That is the question. I heard a rustle behind the bushes almost as if someone was going to jump out of them at any second. With him it is! I ran catching up with the jailbird.

And anyway, I tend to panic when I'm lost alone, I become hysterical just because I know with my luck I'll either get even more lost, or it'll take me hours and hours to find my way. But with someone else they'd most likely be able to find their way...or hopefully, and all I'd have to do is follow. That and when I'm alone I have delusions that someone is following me. I have no clue why I'm this paranoid but sometimes I swear I hear people in the bushes whispering and moving. Shudder.

"Okay, so you know where you're going right?" I asked just to make sure.

He didn't answer.

"Hello? answer meeeeeeee!"

Nothing.

"You know I can be _soooo_ muchmore annoying then this!" I threatened.

Chirping of the birds.

"Talk! Talk! Talk to me! Hello?"

"Yes. I. Know. Where. I'm. Going." he said sounding like he was trying not to hit me after every word. Riiiiiiight, anger problems, I probably shouldn't have been so annoying just now. Why am I acting so much like my cheerful, easy going, free-minded, naive, happy-go-lucky old self? I haven't been like this in years. I don't even act this idiotic with my brothers. Is this the feeling of me...happy? But then again why would I be? Hello! I'm lost! Gotta stop saying 'hello' in that annoying-nosy-got-an-IQ-of-zero sorta way…though I may actually have an IQ somewhere down there…

"Okay, so where is the bus stop?"

"Who said I was going to the bus stop?"

"W-what!"

"I never said I was going there."

"THEN WHERE THE HELL ARE WE GOING!" birds flew away and squirrels retreated into their homes...I gotta stop doing that.

He stopped talking again. He's killing me! Urg!

"Where are we?"

"A park. What does it look like?"

"Okay, so _**why** _are we at the park?"

He shrugged. Ah! Blah! Why do I waste my breath!

Hm, this park was nice though. Colorful, pretty, flower filled. I stopped smelling some of the flowers we passed.

"Irises, still you're favorite?"

"Still? How do you know it ever was?"

He shrugged then continued walking, why did I know he was going to do that?

"Yeah, they still are." The Iris Broadleigh Carolyn, a flower with two shades of blue, a light clear blue and a darker shade of blue at the center.

"We've been walking for eeeeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvverrrrrrrrrr! Where exactly are you trying to go?"

"We're here."

I gasped. Preeeeeeeeeeeeeetty! It was a secluded area, trees and bushes surrounded a garden of flowers, flowers of every color. There were a couple of benches. In the middle was a cute little fountain spurting out water. The smell was wonderful, I love flowers!

"How did you find this place?"

"Someone showed me once."

"_Isn't it puuuurti? Isn't it? Isn't it?"_

"_Very."_

I looked around. Odd. "Did you just hear those voices?" ... "Did you hear those little kids just now?" I turned around...no one. "Kai? Where'd you go!" AHHHHH! That ass!

I sat by the fountain putting my hand into the warm water. If that bum doesn't come back I'm gonna...I'm gonna...be lost forever!

Suddenly an ice cream cone was placed in front of my face. "Huh?" I turned. "You! where'd you go!"

"I was hoping ice cream would get you to shut up." he shrugged.

"Well you could have told me!"

"I did."

"Oh.." ... "Really?"

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah."

"Okay...umm..thank?" I took the ice cream. Should I trust it? He probably poisoned, probably likes to watch people die or something. Oh hell, what exactly do I have to lose? Besides it's "Vanilla with chocolate sprinkles."

"My/your favorite." we said at the same time.

"Riiiiight...how-"

"Let's go." he interrupted me, and started to walk away. Why does he always do that?

"How did you get that?" he asked pointing to my cheek. It was the mirror cut, healing extremely slowly. Jeez such a small cut, what's taking it so long?

"It's nothing, always been there." I said turning my head away.

"No, it hasn't."

"How would you know? I've known you for like a week…less...for all you know this is some sorta birth thingy."

"It's not." he said simply.

"And you'd know how?"

"I just do." Great, another know-it-all.

"I fell-"

"You're lying I can tell."

I looked at him in am its-none-of-your-business-weirdo way. What are you some kind of psychic?

"Don't look at me like that, and yes I am psychic." **(hehehe he just loves to confuse her:P if ur wondering how he knew what she was thinking it's just cause he does!...lol..he's no psychic, don't worry it'll make sense later:D unless I forget to explain it later...)**

Ooooookay...now I'm just crept out. Maybe if I just back away slooooooooowly.

He suddenly cracked a smile. Wow...h-he...can SMILE? What has the world come too? Not that I really knew him much...maybe he just never smiled when I was around...but then again he just comes off as one of those people that are like really grumpy looking 24/7.

I couldn't help but let a smile creep up my face...a real smile, or I think it is? I don't know it's hard to tell now-a-days.

"What are you smiling about?"

"I don't know, you did...then I did...and..." silence... "Whatever." I finally finished.

**

* * *

Kai's P.O.V. **

"_Isn't it puuuurti? Isn't it? Isn't it?"_

"_Very." I smiled._

"_Yousmiled!Yousmiled!Yousmiled!"_

_I face turned to confusion._

"_Nooooooooo! Don't stop!"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Smile! S-m-a-I-l-e!" she demanded._

_I allowed myself to._

"_Yay! When you smile it makes me smile! From now on when you smile I smile and when I smile you have to!" ... "Deeeeeeeeal!"_

_I nodded._**

* * *

**

Normal P.O.V.

"Um...hello?" I waved my hand in front of his face a couple of times. After about five times he caught it.

"Let's go." he repeated, letting go of my wrist. Jeeeeeeeez, so pushy.

"'Kay." and I'm so easily pushed...--

"I don't think I'll make it on time...let's just take the bus home." to my home at least, but I think he got what I meant. And anyway my teacher gets really annoyed when people are late. And I quote, 'Get here on time or don't bother getting here at all.'

"You give up so easily."

"We only have ten minutes to get on a bus to the subway go down like three-"

"Four."

"Close enough! _Four_ stops then it's at least a five minute walk from the station to the dojo."

"Seven."

"Huh?"

"Seven minute walk, but a two minute run."

And he'd know this...how? What, was he bored one day and went out with a timer seeing how long it takes to get from one place to another? Talk about, no life.

"And here comes a bus now." Oh, so there is, since when am I lucky enough to have something come when I needed it?

"Come on." he pulled me onto the bus that had just stopped in front of us. **(such an un-Kai like thing! But I'll make up for that later:P)**

Woooooooow, nooooooooo traffic at all! Arrived at subway station with six minutes left. Lotsa busses here. So organized all with their own little spaces to stop at, how nice. People all waiting, separated into sections by which bus they plan on taking. Wonder where all these different buses are off to.

"Stop admiring the buses." he pushed me towards the stairs. Okay, okay... jeez, it's not like we're gonna make it anyway.

Down some stairs, walk a little, more like jog a little with him pushing me to move faster, down some more stairs, some more jogging, then down some **more **stairs. God, wouldn't it have been more logical to just have one big staircase leading you allllll the way down?

"Ding...Dang..." something rang.

Kai sighed as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the train just before the doors slammed shut. How many times does he gotta pull me somewhere? I didn't even get a chance to see the train plateau thingy properly! He's wrecking my whole trip! And I thought one of these things comes like every two minutes! No real rush needed.

Ohhhhh! Train is cool! Definitely bigger! Makes just as much noise as the bus but not as shaky. Kinda fun to watch stuff zoom by the windows. Oh, if you sit at the very front you can see lights coming closer! **I did that alot:P** Wow, I sound like a seven year old, so happy to be seeing new things. It feels...nice.

First stop. Second stop. Third stop...after a while the train gets kinda repetitive...and boring. Forth stop and we're here!

"Run."

"Wha?"

"Run, one minute left."

Is he kidding? I don't think I have the energy to do anything anymore; I've had enough exercise for a very, very, **very** loooooooooong time!

"Move it, now."

I groaned. "I hate you!" I pouted. I'm guessing he was like a lieutenant, or general or one of those people in the high positions that did nothing but command other people around and told them to run laps and crawl in the mud...and go through obstacle courses and stuff! TV...I should really cut down.

At some point while we were running he was basically just dragging me. I'm amazed that my legs were even able to keep up... Never mind they weren't. Something I should always keep in mind: Falling hurts, avoid it.

"You are such a pain."

"You're the one dragging me everywhere!"

He sighed. So now he's moves from shrugging to sighing, not much of an improvement if you ask me.

"Huuuuuh? We made it on time..." surprisingly, "Why's no one opening the door?" Oh shit! "They...ummm..moved the time down by an hour today..uh something about facial or something...Ops?"

He shook his head. "Your stupidity never ceases to amaze me."

And you're I'm-the-king-of-the-world attitude 'never ceases to amaze me.' Sheesh, is it a crime to be forgetful? He'd be perfect with Britney if you think about it. They both think they're better then everyone else, pretty...or well handsome in his case or whatever annnnnd they're both popular, the key ingredient in all this. Yes, this disgruntle, grumpy, bad-tempered, unsocial, sour-puss managed to get popular in a week. Why? I have no clue. All he does is glare at everyone till they go away and that makes him popular...cause? **(cause he's coooool:P) **Well they're a match made in heaven.

"What are you doing?"

He growled in annoyance. "They changed the lock, got a hair pin?"

"Uhhh...yeah," I toke one out of the back of my hair and handed it to him.

He stuck it into the door lock and jingled it around a bit, then turned till a clicking noise was heard.

It finally hit me...he's breaking in! "Didn't I just tell you this morning? Breaking and entering is a criminal offense! As in you get sent to jail! And jail is a baaaaaad thing! We went through this!" I don't think they should have let him out of Military school, he's not fixed yet! He's still broken! And juvenile!

"You can do what you want but I'm not standing out here for an hour."

"Fine! Get sent to jail on your own!" I yelled, he didn't answer back he had already disappeared into the darkness of the house.

I paced back and forth **outside** of house. I'm sure an hour will be up just like that. Any second now. I found that if I don't look at my watch time goes by faster. So I'll just keep walking back and forth...ah, screw it. Checking my watch this is stupid.

Ohhhhhhh, god...it's been a grand total oooooooof...five minutes(-.-). Maybe if I just go in for a little while...I could be in and out before they even get back. Yeah, just for a sec.

Dark...very, very dark. Like in one of those horror movies where a stupid girl wanders into a haunted house and then looks through the rooms for a while and then she comes by this one door and everyone at home is yelling and screaming to her not to open it but obvious she does and a serial killer or monster or ghost or whatever's in there, jumps out and kills her slowly and painfully or scares her to death. And I'd be the stupid girl in this horror film. Yet I'm still coming in here, why? Right, I'm stupid.

"Hello?" Now where did that smart aleck go? Damn I said it again!

"_You can't catch me!_" There was high pitched laughing from what sounded like a little girl...kids again?

"Who's there?..." I turned sharply looking all around me. Can never be too careful. No, there couldn't be any kids in here or anyone in here...the doors were locked...but if that delinquent could break in so easily...couldn't some professional burglar or hired assassin?... ooooh, and I don't think I closed the door on my way in, but then again why would someone hire an assassin to come here? Maybe it's worst then that...I rattled my brain for the worst possible scenario I could come up with...Sensei could have come back early! Ooooooh, she'd slaughter me for breaking in! She's cut me open, poke at my insides then get a pack of wolfs to eat out my insides, making sure I stay alive to feel every little bite! Must. Get. Outta. Here! Before I become lunch!

Why's it soooooooo dark in here? I can't see a thing! Ever get this feeling when you're in the dark that someone's just in front of you but you can't see them? That someone's watching you from the darkness. That's what I'm feeling right now.

I waved my hands in front of me, feeling around, when something caught my hand. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

I opened my eyes, the bright lights blinding me. "W-what happened?"

"You fainted."

"Oh, yeah...there was this...big shadowy thingy. Someone else is in this house!" I returned to panic mode.

"That was me...stupid!"

"Oh...well you don't have to be so mean about it."

He rolled his eyes.

"Oh, so you've finally wakened. Classes start now, go change."

"S-sensei!...uh...ummm...I... uh..." I've got nothing. Give me a reason for breaking into her place then fainting! . How long was I out?

"Go change, don't worry about it. You're lucky Kai was here to carry you to the couch 'cause if I had destroyed my nails..." her face turned dark then suddenly got all happy again. "Don't you love them!" she asked, shoving them into my face, with a huge smile on. They were painted silvery on the left hand and metallic black on the right one. The nails were sharp more like claws but there was like a smiley face on the thumbs. So like her. Powerful, devious, always scheming something but does it with a smile.

"Uh... yeah... nice." I laughed, she's so weird sometimes...or all the time but that's why I like her. She never cares what other people think or say, just does whatever she wants. I guess you could say I kind of admire her. She built this place from the ground up mostly be herself after her husband sold their home right from under her, took off with his mistress along with all their assets and money. I really don't know how she manages to get up every morning after that but she just does and with a smile on too. She's so strong...I want to be strong, I want to be able to speak my minds for once, be able to act like myself instead of what other people want me to act like.

My whole life it's been like I've been playing a role, a fictional character that's just not me. At school, be nice, be quiet, do what others instruct me to, never talk back and always agree to do what other people want. I have a serious problem saying no. No..NO...NOO! It's that simple now if only I could say that to someone. And at home, I'm trying to please my parents be that perfect daughter but I just can't, and it's so tiring trying to be something I'm not. Then with my brothers... I'm mainly just angry and yell a lot, but that's not me either. I just need to take out my anger sometimes... and they're just the closest targets.

I basically have three different personalities. One that exist at school and with my parents where all I want to do is please people, another one which usually comes out after school where all I do is yell at the people around me a.k.a my brothers. And lastly one that only comes out at night when everyone else is asleep, one that only I have seen and I'm trying to keep it that way. An extremely depressed me, trust me it's not pretty to see, it's mainly just pitiful. Three different sides of me that I absolutely despise, that I absolutely detest...that I hate more then anything.

I keep telling myself that they aren't me, the _real_ me isn't like that...but I don't even know what the _real_ me is like, for all I know this is me...and that scares me.

"...Oh, and I just feel so refreshed. Facials are sooooo fun! Oh, Cecilia honey, you need one! Just look at those clogged pours. Tsk. Tsk. You should take good care of your looks before they fade. And you should go out more too! You're only young once!" I tuned in just in time for the end of her rant, she gave me this speech every week. "Cecilia, did you go out at least once this week?"

"Uh...well..." I thought about it...I did just go to a park..so... "Yeah, I guess I did."

"Yay! Good girl! Did you join any clubs like I told you to?"

"Ummm..."

"Now tell me the truth, don't lie. I have eyes everywhere you know."

"Well...no, not really."

She sighed. "Kai, I'm giving you a task. Get this girl to join something! Now go change. Class starts..." she looked at her watch. Her voice changed to serious. "Now! You're late Missey! And not changed yet, what have I always told you about being on time?"

' I'm only late cause she was talking so much... "Uh...sorry. Won't happen again..."

"It's my fault you were late because of all my talking! Don't just sit there and take this crap from me! Jeez, stand up for yourself girl!"... "I have so much to teach you, so little time."

Sometimes I think she's purposely trying to find ways to lecture me.

"Run! Run! Faster! Faster! Don't think I don't see you over there Billy boy! Speed up!" she yelled, lying on her chair taking a drink from her orange juice, her huge hat covering most of her face. Apparently she was attempting to get a tan though I don't think that's possible with no sun out. But hey, I could be wrong it wouldn't be the first time.

I think I'm going to die. Think I'm gonna get a heart attack. I think I'm going to keel over. Okay...I don't think...I **know**... I'm going to die! Can't...run...anymore! I think this is like my fifth lap around this place...this very **huge **structure. CAN'T RUN ANYMORE! Too much exercise for my own good, it's a hinder to my health! I'm sure I could get my doctor to agree to that!

I don't know why she got the sudden urge to tan but whoever got that into her head is going to pay! This is the only thing we could do while she tans, so while she sits there enjoying her juice, we're running laps. Don't get me wrong she's a great teacher just one that gets distracted...often...very, very often.

"Okay, everyone! That's enough! You can stop!" she yelled, not that it really mattered the only people that weren't on the ground gasping for air was...okay...her…oh and shark boy but he was in military school so he doesn't really count.

"Alright, so let's get started. As you all know competitions start soon, so I'll be using today's lesson and next week to decide whose going. So pair up and let's began!"

Everyone hustled around me, quickly getting into teams of two. I don't think they like me much, or notice me much but whatever, I mean who does? I ended up with this big dude. Unlucky him, he just got shoved with me even though I can tell he'd rather be with someone who'd give him more of a challenge. Actually more like unlucky me cause he's gonna break me into two.

I took a deep breath. I can do it. I can do it. A positive attitude leads to positive outcomes! Who am I kidding? Really? As if. Okay...let's not like that just yet. I can do this, I mean just cause he's twice my size, got muscles and looks like he could snap me like a twig, shouldn't worry me one bit.

"Three..." a guy counted us off. "Two..." Jeez just hurry it up! "One..." I'd like to just get over with my humiliation, thank you very much. "Began!" Finally is all I gotta say to you!...not that I'm actually saying it to him but - right, pay attention, gotta pay attention.

"Huh?" before I could even so much as blink he was behind me and in one swift move I was lying on my back unable to get up. Wow that went even worst then I expected it to. That was one short match. These lessons make me happy...why again?

Score: Zero wins - one lose.

Second match. Oh I stayed in that one just a little longer this time! But it basically ended up with my on my back once again. I'm gonna have some seriously back problems soon...or now actually. Ow!

Score: Zero wins - five loses

I was in the match for a whole five minutes, isn't that amazing?...for me... This girl had a broken arm and still managed to somehow get me down. That match was just sad. I wish I could say I wasn't really trying cause she was injured and all but I really can't.

Score: Zero wins - nine loses - one semi-kinda tie just cause one guy was being nice.

Today really isn't my day, I don't remember sucking **this **much! I remember I could at least beat a couple of people in this class! What's wrong with me today? Why am I ultra-sucking? Well everyone has their off-days...well everyday is an off-day for me but maybe this is some sort of...I don't know...god works in mysterious ways?

Alright, let me think this through. I had a somewhat enjoyable morning I guess, I went out so that's a big improvement, so logically now I have to have a horrible rest of the day or rest of the weekend. Isn't it wonderful how life works out? Or how my life works out? See this is how it works, every time something kinda good happens to me something twice as bad has to happen to balance it out 'cause I can never get a good handle on happiness, it's always just one step ahead of me. I can see it, I can reach out to it, touch it sometimes but never really grasp it, I can never really have it. I can never really just be happy without any consequences. Most of the time I just wish for nothing, just to have nothing happen at all but then that gets really boring, ya know? Well I learn to live with it...most of the times. That's life...well that's _my_ life, a whole bunch of disappointments wrapped into one huge disaster and it ain't gonna change so I just gotta get use to it.

But why is it that **my **life had to be defective? Why is it that it had to be in **my **life that everything is a complete let down? I can hope and hope for things but they'll never happen. I can try my best or whatever but what good does that do when I'm just going to fail? I'm just beginning to think, why bother to do anything? Why bother trying to solve problems when worst ones only come up? Why bother making friends if they'll just abandon you? Why bother caring so much about someone else if no one even gives a damn about you? Why bother pushing through everyday if you're just going to end up failing? Why bother getting your hopes up if they're just going to get torn down in an instant? Why bother? Why bother? Why bother?The higher you get your hopes up, the harder the fall. I just made that mistake, got my hopes up about this and I totally sucked, I was worst then that, so bad that there's no word for it in the English language for it.

The higher I get the happier I am, the lower I'll fall the crummier I'll feel in the end. That's the rule my life follows by.

**:D...R&R please! (Less is more:P)**


	7. What is the world coming to? Part one

**Hi again everyone! I made it to 100 reviews! WOOHOO! Party:P virtual party! hehehe  
****Okay well, as you should all take notice this is a two part chapter…and the second part is better in my opinion…Well anyways onto the disclaimer!  
****Me. No. Own. Beyblade. Just plot and charries that…I own.**

**Chapter 7 - What is the world coming to? - Part one.  
**_-insert lyrics- fourth verse sixth line to the the fifth verse, first line. lol._

Solitaire, the game which I happen to be playing right now, is very such like my life. Played alone, hence the name, more frustrating then fun, and I can never win. Eight games...and one win...but technically without cheating...zero wins. -.-

Okay, so last time we spoke, I sucked right? Well not much has changed. I don't think you can grow out of sucky-ness in just one day. Not that I could even if I was given ten million days.

I'm so tired of feeling sorry for myself...It's more annoying then anything...I annoy myself... Wonderful, if I can't even stand myself...who can?

So today's Sunday... now most _normal_ teens my age would be... at the mall...Seeing a movie...Hanging out with their friends...or something like that. But because I am me, not normal, hate malls, dislike the noisy-popcorn-throwing people at the movie theaters, and have no friends, can you guess what I've done every Sunday since...ummm...I'd say the fifth grade?

Clean.

No, you aren't going crazy. You read it right, clean. Not because I like to, not because I obsess over the cleanliness of the house or whatever, simply 'cause it occupies the time. It makes me feel at least a little useful, like if I don't do it no one else will so I'm helpful and needed and they won't trade me away the moment they get the chance. Though most people in this house don't even notice that I clean and mess the whole place up the second they enter the house but whatever, occupies the time. If I keep busy my thought won't drift to the more negative aspects of life. So basically I do it cause I feel down and as I said I've been doing this since the fifth grade... really tells you something about me, doesn't it?

But on a slightly lighter topic...I will never take the bus ever again in my life! Crowed, hot, sweaty people. Can you say, ew? On the way back, the bus was totally crammed. Blue hair mumbled something about rush hour. I was squashed against a bunch of random people and when the bus stops or starts again everyone pushes on you or falls on you, or more embarrassingly you fall on some stranger, which I did multiple times. Very bad experience. I'll stick to walking thank you very much...or that plan to steal that car, if I ever figure out how to hot wire one.

Okay, cleaning done, washroom, living room, kitchen, hallways, stairs, my room, everyone's room, doooone! Dishes washed, floors shiny, laundry clean and folded, rice cooking...though I think I put in too much water...so it'd be more like soup when it's done. Little late to fix it now.

I think I did a fine job, if I do say so myself. I think I may be a decent maid when I grow up. I'll put it in my list of options for the future that I may actually be able to accomplish, right under hobo begging for money on the streets and right before garbage-picker-upper. Greeeeeat.

Grocery shopping comes after this, once a week the fridge need to be refilled and I'm the woman to do it. Can you imagine the amount of food I carry home every Sunday? It has to be enough for eight people and Tyson! Most of which are going through puberty, growing, and eat none-stop, I swear. So I actually need enough food to feed twenty. Good thing I don't use my money to buy this stuff, 'cause I'd never have enough. Parent's credit cards are very useful.

I basically have a routine for my Sundays and I follow it to a T every single week, no exceptions. I even clean the house in a certain order. Start in the kitchen, far left corner and work my way out, to the den, the living room, laundry room, then the hallway thing. Clean the stairs then work through the rooms till I get to the washroom, which is the last and most disgusting place. All that takes me quite awhile from about when I wake up, and find everyone already gone, till three-ish. So that's done, check.

Second grocery shopping. All the time it takes me to go through the whole store and find everything I need then the time it takes me to haul it all home. Around two hours, so usually I'm home by six-ish. Put all the junk away, it's around six thirty now.

Thirdly take the shower before people get home and it gets messed up though most of the time I don't make it before others mess it up.

And lastly, try to finish any homework I hadn't finished the nights before which is usually all of it 'cause I don't get any of it. So I keep putting it off till the very last moment. Procrastination, great, no?

One fourth done my day. Excellent! Can you just feel the sarcasm in my words?

When you routine life as I do...everything is just so boring. Nothing new...nothing exciting...just dull. Sometimes just thinking about the nothingness that I have coming each day makes me tired and then I just really don't want to get out of bed. It makes me just want to crawl up in a ball and die. I seem to have so little energy lately... I've lost all interest in things I once loved and I don't know why. I have zero attention span. Even in class, I've always found it hard to concentrate but now it seems to be twice as hard to just keep my eyes open.I daydream so much but when night comes I can't sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night and can never seem to fall back asleep.

I think I broke my back...well more so then yesterday. This load of food just gets heavier every week. I need to get myself a good chiropractor, for the years of back problems I have coming.

You know what's fun? Dropping the shopping bags filled with food and have stuff roll out of the bag and you have to go around chasing them looking like a real freak. It's especially fun, when one of those bags just happens to be carrying eggs. I must have done that at least a dozen times on the way back. Wonderfully entertaining, don'tcha think? The weather was totally scheming against me today, but then again I think that about everything and everyone. But really the wind nearly blew me away! Too many bags! Too many stupid bags that I tripped over...several times! How?...I just did, don't question my immense idiocy, kay?

I can't wait till it's finally summertime and it nice and hot out and not such a struggle to get around. Of coarse I'll have to live through winter first, where it's too cold to so much as step outside without wearing at the least ten layers. Funny thing is when it's winter I wish summer would just come and when it's summer I wish for winter. It's just not possible to please me, I'm too screwed in the head. **(It's fall)**

Three forth of my day done. Everyone's home excluding parents...but including Bluey. I found some of his clothes jammed under the couch and chairs which officially means he lives here, or basically... how or why they were there? I don't know and don't really want to ever find out, but that's exactly how it started with Tyson. I started finding his clothes and stuff scattered around the house and now I don't even think Tyson goes home, maybe once every couple of weeks... if I'm lucky.

Seven, twelve...seven thirteen...seven fourteen... Wow...time sure flies fast when you're doing nothing. Procrastinating actually, if that counts as doing something. Just thinking about homework makes my head hurt, also makes me worry 'cause I know I won't be able to do it right or at all.

Sigh. You know, sometimes I wished that someone would just notice I'm miserable and ask what's wrong. I mean is it so hard? Two words would make me feel so much better. Two simple words. Okay...so those words won't fix the world and all but it's just nice to be asked...it's just nice to have some sort of reassurance that someone out there may just somewhat give damn about me. That someone will care enough to just take five measly seconds out of their schedules to ask me a simple question.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?" Someone asked! God does listen! God does care! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! God rules!

"You're face is more screwed up looking then usual."

Ah! HIM! Hahaha, very funny but when I said 'someone' I meant someone I cared about...like a...parent!..or brother? Or something! Not this stupid-baboon-faced-smart-ass-pretty-boy!

I'm going to take this as some sort of sign to start my homework and stop my procrastinating.

Ack, some loooong torturous hours later...

"Turn off the lights already!" Rei mumble throwing a pillow which whipped by my head, pretty good aim for a dude with his head berried into his sheets.

Well look at the time, one. Alright...I give up. I don't care. I don't care. I do not care. Yes, I do but I'm gonna pretend I don't care and go to bed. Screw this damn poem anthology! I don't know enough words to find ones to rhyme!

"Homework check!" my math teacher yelled after a long hour and ten minutes stuffed in a cold room at the very back corner of the school, with him talking about government conspiracies, world wars, and the sales of automotive insurance that all just _somehow_ related itself to probability.

I spent most of my time playing around with a loose tooth I had. Yes, at the age of fourteen I still had many baby teeth left, mainly at the back.

"You know you're never going to pass this course if you don't apply yourself and start doing the homework." he told me yet again.

Okay, little correction to what he just said. It'd more like I'm never going to pass this course if he doesn't apply himself and start to teach us something that actually math related!

I don't understand the material. I don't understand! I don't understand! How many times to have to tell him. I don't not do my homework 'cause I'm lazy it's 'cause **he's** lazy and can't teach a decent lesson every now and then so logically I end up not understanding! "I don't understand what you are 'teaching' us," which is nothing but whatever.

"Then come for extra-help."

"Will you be the one helping me there?"

"Yes."

Then what the hell is the point? If he unable to teach me here what are the chances he'll get it right after school, when he's more exhausted hence more lazy. Why waste my time? and with all that said my answer was still...

"Yeah, I'll be there...I guess." I got a couple of hours to blow don't I?

"Good, now write today's homework down." He said moving onto the next person.

I spent all of Geography trying to stay invisible and not do anything wrong which was kinda hard 'cause breathing was considered doing something wrong. I tired to stop but my lungs demanded air.

He keeps picking on me to read things and present things! It's only the thing I suck at most. I can talk just fine, pronounce things just fine but the moment you get a large group in front of me, a large group meaning any number larger then let's say..four-ish, I choke up. And my voice just sounds horrible! And shaky! And he knows it and uses it to his advantage.

I absolutely detest how he tells you to read something aloud and if you so much as mispronounce the littlest of things he interrupts you mid-word but he doesn't tell you what's wrong he just calls your name. "Ceciiiliiiaaa." and then you're all like what? But he doesn't say anything. So you start again then there's he's annoying voice stretching out you're name and just killing it. He actually manages to makes you hate your own name. This time he corrects you and tells you the supposed "right" way of saying it. So you go again before you so much as begin the word he interrupts you, once again! And he keeps correcting you and correcting you till finally you get it! but the thing is the word you said and the word he corrects you with, sound exactly same! **I have a teacher that does that! SOOO RUDE:P**

Let's skip what happened at lunch, same old crap. Ignored, alone, and booooring! Like always, what's new in life?

Let's skip alllllll the way to the end of school right after last period, English. When I got in shit for not doing my Poem Anthology.

Everyone filed out of class...more like trampled over each other to get out of class. My teacher closed the door leaving just me and her in the room. Wonderful.

She sighed as she looked through her files. "Cecilia, you are not doing well. Not at all. Right now you're receiving a 63 in my class."

Wow a 63...I managed a 63 in English! Amazed I'm passing. Though I'm sure my parents won't exactly be ecstatic if I bring home that mark, though it is quite an achievement for me...considering the fifty-something mark I got last year.

"You're mark will drop severally with this Poem Anthology not handed in. And the thing is it's not even a hard assignment. You're brother did a wonderful job."

My brother...people always have to compare me to my brother... I'm not him! Okay? I'm just not! though I'd give anything to walk in his shoes...just once know the answer before the question is even asked. How easy life would be.

"And I've taught some of you're older siblings too, they did great in my class. They were all very bright and I'm sure you could do just as well if you just apply yourself a little more."

Why the hell does everyone tell me to apply myself? Do they really think I'm that lazy! How I wish that was true! How I was wish I was actually lazy and not just incredibly stupid!

"Not doing your homework is not a good habit to be getting into especially so early in the year and in grade nine. The organization skills you pick up in this grade, you will most likely be using throughout high school, if not throughout your entire life. Why haven't you handed this in yet? I've been very lenient and given you a couple extra days but still, I do not have your work in my hands. Why is that?"

"I don't have anything to write about. I'm not good at poetry. I'm **not** my brothers." ...I'm surprise I was able to use such force in my words.

"Everyone has something to write about. Something to express."

"I'm not everyone, I'm me. I'm not my brothers. I'm not perfect. I can't do what they do. I can't rhyme words. I can't play sports. I can't play an instrument. I can't ride a bike. I can't do everything. I can't do anything!" I sighed calming down, I don't think that was the right tone to use with a teacher... but might as well finish what I'm started... "I don't have a life, I don't have experience to talk about like they did. I'm basically non-existent to the world. And I just can't do this, okay?"

She was still rather calm after basically being yelled at by me. "Poems don't have to rhyme." She said simply. "And... it sounded like you had something very good to talk about. Emotions, they should be the theme of the poems you write. You're emotional, you feel everything deeper then most people, so write about it."

Silence. Wow that was the corniest thing I've heard in the longest times.

"Now that you have something to write about, get out of here and get started. I'm expecting your anthology within this week." ... "Oh, and..._it's just a phase_...you'll grow out of your isolation, soon." **(this whole chapter made...just cause I wanted a teacher to say... "it's just a phase."...lol)**

I nodded, I really didn't want to argue after I totally just lost it... in front of a teacher too. Though I'm positively sure that a person can never get rid of what I've got.

Picking up my bag I was out of there sooooo fast. Now...extra-help math.

Two hours... that's a hundred and twenty minutes...that's umm...uhh...lots and lots of seconds listening to him drone on and on about only god knows what! Two hours that could have been used on more useful things! Like...I dunno...doing my poems I guess...which I'll start now.

Okay...might as well name my first poem, Emotions...original ain't it? I can just feel the originality spurring out of my body.

Let's take this step by step...first take out my notebook...then a pencil. Sit comfortable...and start thinking!

_Emotions_...why not start my open like that?  
_Growing stronger_... and stronger?...uh...how about no?...ummm...Taking...taking me over?...too long..._taking... over  
_That's an okay starting...I guess. I just wanna finish at least one poem today.  
_Hurt_,...umm...a thesaurus for other emotions would be good now..._pain, anger..._those will do...confusion!..yes definitely! _Confusion dominates  
__All pushing_,...what's another way of saying pushing?...nudging?...emotions nudge..no...thrust?...no..shove! _shoving to get out  
__...  
__No one cares_,  
_Till_ ... _one day I'm just not there!  
_Oh my god! I finished a poem. A pretty lame and crappy one but none the less it's dooooone! Nine more to go...Positive to negative in two seconds flat.

_Emotions  
__Growing stronger, Taking over  
__Hurt, pain, anger...confusion dominates  
__All pushing, shoving to get out  
__I try to keep it all inside and place a smile on my face  
__But that doesn't change how I feel on the inside  
__And on the inside pain and torture never stops  
__It all too much, too much to bare, too much to think, too much to breathe  
__They're consuming me, suffocating me  
__Taking over my every thought, my every action  
__I can't breath, I'm drowning  
__Yet no one cares,  
__Till one day I'm just not there.  
_**(lets all not comment on the crappiness of my poem...I made for my poem anthology last semester:P)**

By the end of the night I had finished a whole seven poems! After finishing the first one the rest just came easily, it really wasn't hard at all. First time something a teacher had told me wasn't a complete and utter lie. Emotions, Hate, alone, Sorrow, Fear, Nighttime, and Shy girl, all the poems I managed to get done tonight. Not exactly of the brightest emotions but when I tried to write something called Happy, or Joyful or whatever it just turned out so lame, the words were so forced.

Three more and I can put it all together in my own personally designed book. The only problem is I didn't manage to get anything else done all day long. I don't even think I've eaten anything.

The next day passed rather quickly. I wasn't constantly staring at the clock, instead...writing poems. I think I have an obsession with it or something. I had written quite a lot by last period, not many of them were very usable though, more really bad sounding words mushed together. I had about two usable ones from the fifty I've written throughout the day. One more...just need one more acceptable poem... A haiku...I think those only have to be like three lines or something.

Right, here in my English notes... "Haiku: A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, traditionally invoking an aspect of nature or the seasons." ummm..okay, sounds simple enough though my poem won't be about nature or anything like that. The unrhymed part is a real plus too.

So this is what I've got...after ten minutes of fooling around with words and syllables.

_Clutched bloody knife  
__Life gushes out, the soul leaves  
__Nothing but darkness_

Though I think the second line is one syllable over...depends how you say leaves I guess. This will due for now...

After blowing everything off once again, all it done. I mean my poem thing is done and decorated. All glued on black construction paper, with bright color construction paper glued in designs over it to make contrast or whatever. Cover page is a collage of words cut out from magazines and other such things.

Now all that's left is finishing all my other homework. Stupendous. I don't really feel like eating right now anyways.

One week later ------- **(just cause everything's passing so sloooowly)**

AHHHHHHHH! And that's a good 'ah'! Like a squealing out of joy 'ah'! I got an eighty-one! Yes... to some of you out there that's like nothing, but think of this in my point of view, me, who couldn't spell correctly if the world depended on it, actually got an 'A' on something from English! Aren't we all proud?

I am going to stay happy for the rest of the day. Nothing could wreck this feeling...no I **won't **let anything wreck it! Not my geography teacher's grumpy attitude, not my math teachers total boringness, not the snob-up people in this school, not my brothers, not my parents, not anyone!

You know school - life - really isn't all that bad when you don't let anything get to you. When you stop listening to the teacher's many lectures, and the snickering students, when you block out everyone and everything school could actually be enjoyable!

I practically skipped all the way home, you can ask those kids making fun of cause I looked like a total fool but I don't really care!

Life is worth living as long as you don't stress the little things.

There was one thing wrong with that theory...just one **huge** thing I never thought of that just made life suck...once again, but hey? Should have say it coming right?...well actually no...cause this was something I could _never _in my life have seen coming..., no matter how many hints were given towards it happening. No matter how obvious it was, even if someone basically spelt it out, I would never believe it till I saw it…and oh boy did I see...waaaaay too much for my own good, too much for my innocent little eyes.

I entered the front door…there were these were noises….moaning…ummm weird. I continued frolicking towards the living room when I came to an abrupt stopped nearly falling over in doing so. Hyperventilating... It was...Britney...ON MY BROTHER! Tongue... skin...GOD BURN MY EYES OFF PLEASE! I can't breath! I can't freaking breath! What the bloody hell?

I went through three stages...After the total confusion a flash of disgust came over me. EWWW! I will **_NEVER EVER_ **in my life sit on that couch again! It needs to be burnt! I think I'm going to puke.. Then came anger, pure, concentrated rage...then I snapped.

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!"

God just loves this. Just enjoys doing this to me soooo much, the cycle of my life never ends. It's funny how you can go from on top of the world, to neck deep in shit... What is the world coming to?

**Hehe, I only wrote this chapter this way because I wanted to bring her mood up and then tear it down …and to build up to the end. Yes…well next chapter…reveals quite a lot…or just leaves u with more questions then before…both ways works for me!  
****You know I was doing some random research on depression and suicide and all that junk and it's kinda freaky the amount of people that clinically depressed and never get help. There's like a list of how people often act when they're depressed. Like often tired yet can't sleep at night…but because u show some of the signs I'm not saying ur clinically depressed it's just something interesting to know to either help urself or a friend…cause you or a friend...or somethingneeds to knowthere's a problem to fix it...yes well I'm gonna shut up now.  
****R&R please! Till next time! Buhbaiz!**


	8. What the hell is the world coming to? P2

**You…people…too….nice…killing…me…with kindness! What a wonderful way to die:P Hehehe. And _Roni_ thanks for telling me what Cecilia meant cause really I was trying to find out if it meant anything when I was picking out her name…haha:P  
****Now I have some warning for y'all in this chapter…it is kinda icky in the description and may cause icky thoughts to get stuck in ur head:P…contains…more swearing then actually needed…and may get sorta confusing :P but hey it's fun that way, no?  
****Disclaimer: Me no own dee show or dee characters from dee show but I do own Cecilia…and some other junk I do not quite remember at this time:P**

**Chapter 8 - What the hell is the world coming to? - Part two  
**_-insert lyrics:P- Basicaly just the chorus...lol_

"WHAT THE FUCKING HELL!" I rubbed my eyes. Is my vision alright? IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?

They both stopped...the thing...they were doing...

Britney quickly stumbling off of him..._him_...**him! **...I could kill him...I could kill her! I could kill them both! Take a piece of lamb and bash their heads open then cook the lamb and feed it to the detectives that come looking for them, like in _Lambs of the Slaughter_, only in this version they'll never find their bodies, cause I'll chop them up into little pieces and feed them to the wolves!

She picked up a pillow, hugging it to cover herself. I'm going to have to burn it later, along with the couch, and while I'm at it I'm just going to jump in too.

The Blondie got up quickly retrieving his shirt and slipping it on. "It's not what you think."

"Oh, so you two weren't having doing **it** on the couch!"

"..." Nothing to say, hum?

"So you were both just in here and said 'Oh it's really hot in here, I think we should take off our clothes and get on top of each other.'" I continued.

"Umm…well not quite."

"Then what were you doing?" Not that I don't already know.

"Okay...well...uh..." he sighed... "Well we're going out...and ummm…yeah, we didn't want you to find out this way." Wow, what a great way to tell me. 'We're going out ummm…yeah.' You sure put a lot of thought into that. Thank you so very much, you were lots of help in cushioning the blow, of your oh-so-terrifically-cheery news. **(someone once told me news just like that…and I swear I felt like ripping them to shreds…but luckily I have gr8 restraint:P)**

"Reeeeally? You're dating. Jeez, it's nice to know you two aren't just casual fucking-buddies.Oh, and you didn't want me to find out this way? What a joke! If you really didn't want me to find out this way then why in all hells did you both get naked, hop on the couch in the living room which has no door, in broad daylight, in the house which I happen to live in? Did you think I wasn't going to come home? That would just be plain stupid, 'cause frankly we all know that I have no where else to go!..." I paused for a second, then the second wave of anger hit and my rant continued, "DO YOU THINK I'M BLIND? - no wait…even the blind would be able to tell what you two were doing with all the moaning and other fuck-ass disturbing noises that came out of you two. You must really think I'm that stupid, for you to do _that_ right in front of me, and then tell me 'It's not what you think.' It's not like you really made it hard for me to figure it out!"

"It's not as if I had planed this..." Whether you planed it or not it still happened, you…..you!...incredibly inconsiderate…freak of nature!

Max popped his little head out from the kitchen. I immediately threw something at his head yelling at him to quote 'Get the hell out!' Yup, bad timing Max, horrible timing.

"Hey! What was that for?" he asked but didn't really need to be told, being smart enough to put two and two together. He looked around... saw Enrique, a half naked Britney and a freaked-out looking me. "Right...she knows. I'm gone." he retreated back into the kitchen, where a 'So what's happening?' was asked by my other brothers, and then a simple 'She knows,' response from Max.

Wow they all knew…either I'm really dumb or he was trying _really_ hard to hide it - which he obviously wasn't considering the way I just found out. So I'll go with option one…I am dumb beyond comprehension. "So, everyone in the family knew... Who else did you tell?" I wouldn't really be surprise if the whole world found out before me.

"It doesn't matter, I'm just really so-"

"Who else knows?" I asked again impatiently. Don't try to avoid my questions, for once he is going to listen to me whether he likes it or not!

"Umm...I'd say about the whole school." Wow, close enough to the whole world, it's _my _whole world.

I nodded, trying to stay calm but I really could feel the anger rushing through me. I was shaking, the anger was so bad. Have you ever felt that everything around you was just a dream? Like it's so horrible, so terrifying, that it could never be reality in your mind? And there's just that second when it really hits you, you realize, it real, it happening and you lose it completely. Well that's about to happen… "You tell the whole school before you'd tell me. I know we're not exactly close or whatever, but I'd think in a situation like this you'd take the time to tell me."

He didn't have a response to what I had said. He thought for a while and all he could come up with was, "I'm sorry..."

And so it's happened, reality hit and it hurt, so bad I found it hard to breathe and then things…not very nice things… started coming out of my mouth. "Save it, you aren't sorry 'cause you never gave a damn about me. I doubt you even really care about how I'd feel when you got into this...relationship." I just kept yelling and yelling...at that point. I couldn't stop. At this point everyone should have taken one gigantic step back, bought themselves some earplugs, and hope they're ear drums didn't burst. My anger had complete control and I swear I was going to pick up something and just bash their heads in. I kept stepping closer almost as if I was going to attack soon. Even with all this yelling I was still bottling some of it, taking off some frustration on my own hand. I held one hand in the other, griping on it tight, trying to stop the twitching but it wasn't helping. My incessant yelling and swearing kept going and going till three fatal words finally escaped my month. "I HATE YOU!" then nothing, I had nothing more to say to him. I saw sudden hurt flash over his face for just a second, but I didn't care, though I knew I'd regret those words later. But what was said was said, you can never really take back the words you say, they do the damage the moment they exit your mouth.

You know I've yelled at my brothers so many times….but I've never actually said what was bothering me. I'd yell telling them to 'shut up' and to 'go away' but this is the first time I've said anything beyond that. First time I've said how I felt and why.

There was silence now; all that was heard was my loud angered breathing. In and out, in and out.

My other brothers rushed in, as they seemed to have been listening to the whole thing from the other side of the door. The moment they entered they felt the immense tension in the room.

"Cecilia…don't you think that's a little harsh…. Those are some strong words… Maybe you just need to sit down for a sec." Rei put his hand on my shoulder, trying to guide me to the infected-germ-filled couch.

"Don't… touch… me. Don't fucking touch me!" I pushed his hand away. "He does this...and I'm wrong? I'm wrong! Can't you ever just take my side? …but then again why would any of you ever do that? I don't matter… I don't fucking matter to any of you, I never have, so don't come in and try to be all helpful and act like you suddenly care!" I stormed out of the house, the front door slammed shut with a loud 'bang' leaving the walls and the floors shaking.

3rd P.O.V

"I think you should get going now Britney," Tala said.

She nodded without protest, though she wasn't showing it, she was jumping for joy on the inside. She didn't mind having to leave, she had accomplished what she had come here for today. She made Cecilia hurt, she broke up the peace in the household, she only wondered how she could make the situation even worst when school came around tomorrow.

The silence continued once Britney left. No one really had anything to say for a while. Time passed...over an hour though they had moved around, no one had said a word or so much as made a sound. She really thought they didn't care, and she couldn't be anymore wrong. They cared too much, too much for her good and their own.

"Should we follow her?" Max finally asked, realizing the amount of time that had past and she still hadn't returned. The question was more directed to Tala then anyone else but Enrique decided to answer.

"No." he replied with a hint of something in his voice- anger or hurt or a mix of both, no one was sure but there was definitely something there that wasn't usually present in this care-free-Blondie.. "She'll come back when she's ready."

"We don't know that, never quite seen her that mad. Don't know what she'll do. Maybe we should go after her... or maybe you should go... since you know...-" Rei began to suggest.

"Yes, I know okay? I screwed up! I. Screwed. Up. I get it. But why should **I** bother going after her?...she hates me." those words were eating at him. It was really unsettling to know that your sister hates you. He despised himself for hurting her, it was the last thing he would ever want to do...but like he had said, he screwed up. All this… stuff with Britney it all just sort of happened and he didn't know what to do now. And thinking about it was making him even more upset till he couldn't stand having people around him judging him. He knew they were judging him, they had warned him, told him to stay away from Britney but he wouldn't listen, he was too stubborn and now he regretted it. He needed to be alone…he needed to vent. "I'm going to bed…." And before anyone could stop him he was out of the room and heading up the stairs.

"I just thought...he'd like to talk to her because…well-"

"It's fine, just leave him. He needs to cool off." Tala toke control as usual.

"What do we do about Cecilia? We can't just leave her out there…it's getting dark…and well she's not exactly the most street smart person…" Max commented.

"I'll go, you guys just wait here, see if she comes back on her own." Tala grabbed his car keys and left, eager to go.

The rest of them tried to go back to normal, but it just wasn't going to happen. She had no clue how much her words affected them. She was so clueless.

Normal P.O.V.

I had no clue where I was or where I was headed but right now it just seems that anywhere but home was good.

Why was this affecting me so much? It wasn't like me and Enrique were close. It's not like we really even talked, not like we really knew each other. Maybe it was just the fact that it was Britney of all people or it was because he lied and didn't tell me...whatever it was, it was making my blood boil and all I really wanted to do was punch the hell out of something.

This wasn't one of those times where I just got really sad and said something like 'I just wish someone would come along and shoot me' it's more like 'I just wish I had a gun so I can go out and shoot someone.' and that someone would most likely be Britney...then maybe Enrique... but I'd really only have to get rid of one of them. It's just something that gets to me when I picture him and Britney together ...it just…just… makes me- urg! SOO frustrated!

But now that I think about it...it was sort of really, **really**…obvious...Enrique was on MSN a lot...and whenever I so much as walked passed the monitor he would close the convo box. When the phone rang, he'd be the first one up to get it. Usually they all sat around 'til I got it cause the ringing annoyed me the most. And there was that girl that asked for Enrique and now that I think about, she sounded awfully like Britney. All the clues were there...I am really that stupid…. And possibly blind. Everyday there's more reasons to why I am the biggest loser on the face of the universe.

My feet started to hurt again so I toke a seat in a dark dirty alleyway nearby. Curled up against the wall, I thought everything over and over, till it felt like my brain was going to explode, and even then I still couldn't turn off my brain. Slowly I was calming down...slowly going from anger to depression. Not that great of a change…

I'm never going home again. I don't want to see Enrique's stupid face ever again. And I don't want to go back to school, it'll be so weird seeing Britney because I know when I see her, I won't be able to be mad, like I'll be mad on the inside but I'll still be acting nice to her, like I always do. I just can't help it.

I sighed, leaning more comfortably against the dirty brick walls... I really feel like crying right now. My chest was weird, it felt…empty, right where my heart was supposed to be. This weird feeling was spreading throughout my body. My eyes were watering up… It was one of those times where I seriously think I've hit my limits, anymore and I swear I'm going to kill myself.

Heh, suicide. I've thought about it so much over the years. I've spent a lot of my days thinking about ways to end my life. Sometimes when I'm alone and I'm just sitting there in the kitchen I'd say to myself, the knife is right there. One good cut through the neck could end it all. Couple cuts across the wrist, supposedly painless, all you do is slowly feel yourself slip away, and it could all be over. Take all those sleeping pill, hop into the tub, and just wait. Put a plastic bag over my head...and go to bed. Tie a cable to the ceiling, attach it to my neck, kick away the stool, and just die. If you think about it all the things you need to kill yourself is all conveniently located in the kitchen. So many ways of doing it, so many ways I've thought through over and over but never had the courage to actually do. I've ask God to give me the courage but God doesn't exactly listen to me.

Most days just really seem all the same, they never seem to change…but when they do I never deal with it very well…mainly because change has always been something negative in my life. There are so many ways it could change for the better but it just chooses not to. When I was small I was happy… probably the happiest kid in the world…then something changed, I don't know one day I woke up and life seemed empty, like something…or somebody was missing and everything just seemed like….nothing. There was this void. I had nothing…._nothing to gain, nothing to lose_. And from that day on I started to die on the inside. At first I could hide it, I continued my days with a smile and laughs and I made stupid comments that made people laugh… but as the days went on that became harder and harder, that hole, that void keep growing bigger, devouring me into it 'till one day I just couldn't smile all the time, I couldn't laugh, I wasn't that little girl anymore. I had lost myself, and even today I'm still losing what's left of who I am…or was. One day I'll just be an empty shell, one of those apathetic people that don't say a word. It's not like I want to change into that, but I can't exactly stop it either.

The thing is it could have been stopped, if someone had helped, if someone had noticed before it was too late….but whatever, it doesn't matter because now it is too late and I can't be saved.

Random thought: Reassurance is a great thing. It's probably what everyone in the world needs, and if everyone got it everyone in the world would be happy, that would be a perfect world, but unfortunately we all live in an imperfect world, where only the lucky get to know for sure that someone will always be there for them, to catch them when they fall, to help them when they're down, someone who will watch over them forever.

Okay…I can really tell I'm starting to come back to what's normal…for me. I can tell because I just noticed that it's really dark and scary in this alley!...and I think something's staring at me from those bags of garbage over there! I can't move…I can't move…my body won't move...talk about scared stiff! I heard a loud screeching growl and piercing eyes…one golden…the other green-ish? What the hell? Is that possible in humans? Maybe it's not human…maybe…it's some sort of huge mutated rat monster!...okay now I definitely know I'm back, the stupid, paranoid me has returned home. Welcome back.

"Umm…nice mutant-..uh…I mean…whatever you are…uhhh…yeeeah, you don't want to hurt me…."

Another growl was heard.

"Uhh…I'm not sure what that means….but I'm trying to leave…" if only my damn feet would get moving!

"Can I join in on this conversation to yourself?"

"T-tala!"

"Is this what you do when others aren't around? Do you have an imaginary friend I've never been informed of?"

"I wasn't talking to myself! There's some sort of mutant rat over there!" I pointed to the stack of garbage. Ohhh, so now my body decides to respond! I could have been killed! Stupid body!

Tala looked at me, then at the pair of eyes staring at us…then at me…then at it. Finally he walked over to the pile of junk and leaned over picking something up. "Mutant rat huh?...I'm pretty sure most people call this a cat…a starving cat at that…"

It was a kitty!...a black, pure black one…kind of dirty looking, but what would one expect? It's a stray.

Tala came over to where I was sitting, holding the little cat that wasn't even struggling against him, in fact it was now purring affectionately.

"Can I sit?"

"It's a free world."

He sat down. "Were you having fun sitting here on your own?"

I shrugged. "Better then home."

"Britney's gone."

"And that fixes what? The damage has been done."… Damage… I wasn't sure if I was talking about what Enrique had done to me…or what I had said to him…

"He screwed up…everyone screws up at some point."

I sighed; don't want to talk about it. Change of subject… "What are you doing here?"

"I was going for a walk when I passed by this alley and saw this crazed girl talking to herself…when I noticed it was my sister, and had to come by and bring her home before anyone figured out I was related to a lunatic."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"It was a joke…"

"I'm laughing on the inside."

"What do you think I'm doing here?" he asked as if it was the most obvious thing, well if it was I wasn't seeing it. To mock me? To kick me while I was down? I don't know.

I shrugged.

"Wouldn't you rather be sitting on you're warm bed right now instead of sitting here in a dirty alley, getting scared of harmless cats."

"No actually I wouldn't cause at least the cats won't stab me in the back."

There was a silence, and I started to put the little kitty that had fallen asleep in Tala's arms.

"You remember when you were small, and I used to carry you everywhere on my back?" he said randomly.

"No." I answered kinda harshly. I seriously didn't though, I didn't remember much from before I was six, except that that was around then time I lost the happy-go-lucky thing.

"Hn, alright." He nodded. Sometimes he'd ask me the most random questions just like that, every time I'd give him the exact same answer.

**-------Tala's P.O.V.-------**

"You remember when you were small, and I used to carry you everywhere on my back?" I asked as the memory of that played over in my head. Her laughter…I would do anything to hear her laughter again…

"No." she answered, giving me the same answer she always gives.

"Hn, alright." I nodded, not explaining why I had asked, I'm not allow to…not allowed to mention anything that far back in the past…but sometimes when it's just me and her I ask, just to see if she's remembered anything….but she hasn't and I'm beginning to think she never will.

I always try to avoid being alone with her because if I do I'll probably end up telling her everything and that wouldn't be good. I want her to remember yet I don't. If she remembers it will tear her apart…but I'll be there to pick up the pieces…_we'd_ all be there to put her back together. But it would cause her too much pain, and it isn't worth it just because I want her to remember how much I love her, how much I toke care of her when she was small. If I was allowed to, I'd show her that I do care… **(Untala-like so OOC seeming but hey, no one really knows what goes on in his mind so ha!)**

**-------Normal P.O.V.-------**

Tala's always been so carefree looking, so indifferent, so unemotional…like he really doesn't care about anything. He's silent and doesn't talk much but not in the Johnny way, he's not grouchy, it's just like he likes to observe more then talk. Yet there were times, like this, where he seemed to be concerned about something really important. I always wondered what could cause him to think so hard. But I guess I'll never truly know.

I guess if I really had to chose, Tala would be my favorite brother. He treats me the same as the rest of them do, but sometimes when we're alone…he's eyes don't seem as distant as it usually does with me...and I don't know…it's different when we're alone, but he usually avoids being alone with me. When it's just me and him in a room at home, he always leaves or calls someone in. At first I obsessed over the fact that he did that. I wanted to know why…but then after a while I just labeled it under the fact that he simply didn't like me and left it at that.

I sat there tapping my fingers on my lap. Things didn't seem so scary with Tala there. I didn't notice the darkness of the alley or the creepy noises coming from every direction…okay so I do notice but it didn't bug me all that much.

"Cecilia?"

"What?" I turned only to find myself in Tala's arms. Oooookay! Ummm….this is beyond creepy. "Are you drunk?...Dying maybe?" I'm totally serious….is he dying?...am I dying! Someone has to be dying!

He let go, rolling his eyes at my question, obviously deciding to ignore it. "Let's go home."

"Wait- but-…What the hell was that!"

"I don't know what you're talking about. You coming or not?"

"Umm…uhhh…yeah?" I answered, clearly still confused.

"Get up then."

"…wait…what about… the cat?" I watched it sleeping peacefully, purring a little.

"What about it?"

"What's going to happen to it?" Jeeez, don't answer my question with a question!

He shrugged, "Put it back where we found it."

"No we can't do that!

"What other option is there?"

"Can we…keep it?"

"Who's going to take of it?"

"Uhh…me?"

"You can barely take care of yourself." And so he's back, with the stupid 'You can't do this and that.' What can I do in his eyes?

"I'm still alive so I think I do a fine job taking care of myself!"

"Fine, but if it dies it's your problem." He said rather rudely, in my opinion, and then placed the sleepy little kitty in my hands.

When we got home everyone was totally normal; noisy, sloppy, lying around. I feel so missed. Tala joined the others (minus Enrique) in the living room, taking up most of the space on the couch, forcing Rei to have to move to the floor next to Tyson who laid there surround by food. They were getting ready to watch a movie which they did on days they didn't feel like going out.

Well this is the point where I go to bed. "Night people."

"Wait… come wait the movie." Max invited me…suspicious, very suspicious.

"Am I dying or something?"

"What?"

"Do I have some illness I am unaware of that will eventually lead to my demise so you guys have decided to be nice to me before I die?"

"Shut up and sit down. It's not hard." Well you can guess who said that…Johnny, temper, temper.

"…umm...okaaaay…if you insist." Jeez, what the hell is the world coming to? They _want_ me around now?

Max got off the couch, making room for me. The order in which we sat went Blue-boy, Tala. Me, Johnny's feet, then Johnny. "Is this a trick?... Is something going to blow up in my face soon?"

"Do you have to ask so many questions? Is it too much for you to just sit there and watch the damn movie?"

"Okay, you don't have to be so mean about it."

I sat there as the movie played…you know for a horror movie this doesn't seem all that scary….but usually these things only scare me once I'm alone and my brain decides it's time to play tricks on me. The others seem to be enjoying it though… hey, what's there not to enjoy? There's blood, and screaming, and freaky music playing. Who wouldn't be loving this?

Yawn….screaming…lady….yawn…. blood spatter...my eyes started to close, as my vision started to blur then blacken and my head tilted towards Rei who had switched places with Johnny, who complained about how jumpy I was each time something would pop onto the screen. I am not jumpy…he's just a…meanie! My head popped back up and my eyes opened again when I heard a loud scream from the TV for the fifty time… head falls off some person's body ...blurring vision again…shinny knife….then blacken….then nothing but the darkness…

**-------Rei's P.O.V.-------**

I watched her. She kept yawning, and rubbing her eyes as they closing as her head tilted towards me then she'd snap back awake. She did that a couple more times until finally her head hit my chest and rested there.

My twin…sometimes I forget that, that's what she is. I've had to act more like a stranger to her, we've all had to but this is how it has to be.

I didn't really get what had happened to her when I was small, she didn't even get what happened to herself at that time… and now she doesn't even remember that it happened. But even though she doesn't remember, it still took away her childhood, her innocence.

I wish everyday we could have protected her back then, if I had just stayed with her just a little longer that day… _it_ may not have happened. Her life may not have been turned upside down. On that day I promised to protect her forever…but as she gets older that seems to only get harder. She's isolated, that causes her pain …and that's our fault.

**Yes, so for once I decided to leave her in a happy mood….or close enough to one:D  
****Tala:…u made me… u made me…  
****Kind? Sweet? Nice? Yes, yes I did! And I like u that way!  
****Tala:.. it's unrealistic! That's making me out of character u idiot!  
****No it isn't…if u had a sister I bet u'd be that sweet and nice!  
****Tala: …no I wouldn't.  
****Scratch that I bet u think like that already! -whispers- he's just to embaressed to admit he's a softy on the inside.  
****Tala:…no I'm not!  
****Well…well. It's my story! And I can portray you any way I want to and if u don't like it then…then u can just….just…-turning red from anger-  
****Tala:…just what? -feeling unease- -cough- SCARED! -cough-  
****Ah! I can't do it!...Can't b mean to you! I tried…but can't! I'm a failure! A failure I tell u!  
****Tala:…u'r an idiot! An idiot I tell u!  
**…**see even Tally's mocking me! -cries- R&R and make me feel better? -puppy dog eyes-  
****Tala:…she just wants attention…-.-'  
****Haha, yeeeah, I sorta do:D**


	9. Things are never how they seem

**Omg! It's so saddening how un-loyal people at these days:'(….I've read through a couple people's bios and stuff and people are starting to stop writing Beyblade fics! They're starting to obsess over Naruto and replacing Kai with Sasuke….which isn't that bad…cause I do love Naruto….but- but…still! KAI! Where's the loyalty in today's youth!...but I guess people change…:(…I hate change…haha, I guess the problem lies with me because I'm too sentimental and refuse to let go of things…lol o well, I like myself like that, don't plan on changing.  
****KaiKai, it's okay don't be sad I'll always love you  
****Kai:…-.-' I'd rather you just forgot me  
****But I could never! Sentimental lil girl here! Hello!  
****Kai:…you give me a headache.  
****Hehehe:P….well sry the update took like a month…lol…It's summer and I was too lazy to change the lil pictures in my head into words:P Anyway, this chapter originally had lyrics…but I took them out…and the flashback was not written by me but my friend (cause I was just too incredibly lazy to do it), the one and only…what's-her-face!  
****SO:…you forgot my name…didn't you?  
****No…no I didn't!...-shifty eyes-…shut up!  
****Disclaimer: me no own.**

**Chapter 9 - Things are never how they seem  
**_-insert lyrics- …something too lazy to look it up so whatever:P_

I woke up and immediately my eyes hurt, they burned. I felt like I had a hangover but don't, just tired…really, really tired, and the fact that I didn't want to even think about going to school added to my tiredness. Plus I had the weirdest dream… people were like tucking me into bed.. Shudders, scary thought right there.

Ummm...I looked at the time; six fifty….too much in a dead-like state to get up... just gonna rest my eyes for ten more minutes…I let my head fall back onto my pillow, and as soon as it did I dozed off again.

Seven twelve… eh, five more minutes… I'll just have to get dressed faster…

Seven twenty three... Two more minutes so it'll be a nice divisible number… I'll just skip breakfast...

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Eight o four… one more minu- wait? My head shot up again checking the clock properly. "AHHHH! DAMN IT!" I should put on the snooze button next time, instead of just turning the clock off. Great, late before I even leave the house.

I know I should be bolting out of bed right now…but…I'm too drained, what time exactly did I fall asleep yesterday night? Hell, I'm already late…what difference does it make how much I rush now?

I crawled out of bed, with my eyes closed and my head facing the ground. Slowly I moved my hands forward then my legs. As they say, slow and steady wins the race…of course if the race was to see who can get to school on time…well then I've already lost…

Somewhere down the hallway I took a short rest, where I leaned against the wall and toke another short nap….when I woke up first period was over. I was going to get into shit for this…hahahaha… I'm in such a weird state I find that funny right now…

After I had left the house I had gained some energy, not much though but usually in these situations I'd gain energy as the day droned on.

I was so sloppily put together. Random beige pants…that I wasn't too sure were clean...but let's not tell anyone. Wrinkled up ordinary turquoise shirt…I'm sure someone's going to comment on the clashing but whatever. My hair was put up messily into a bun.

I attempted to run….but if I couldn't on normal days, what are the chances a half asleep me could accomplish such wonder? Zilch.

I stepped into class looking like a train wreck. Hair, all over my face, bags under my eyes, slouched over like I was going to fall over soon.

"You're late," my math teacher informed me. "You've missed part of our lesson."

Yeah, and I'm sure you were talking about some sort of conspiracy or how to pick a lock...again, he seriously talked about how to pick a lock once. "I'm sorry, I overslept."

"Okay, take out your math book we're taking up the homework." That's the thing I never got about him. He gave out the answers to last night's homework…before he checked if you did it, so people who didn't, have the whole class to do it and get the right answers from him. The only thing is that I don't get it so I can't show the steps and if I just writing the answers he'll know I didn't really do it…he's not that dumb.

I sat down right as the intercom came on with a 'beep.'

Then a lady's voice filled the classroom. "Mr. Makatasho you may bring your class down now."

Bring your class down? For what!

"Okay, thank you." He responded. "Everyone in a single-fill line please quietly. And take down the homework just in case we don't come back in time afterwards!" The all got into something that was _sorta_ like a double-fill line… but the quiet part just didn't stick at all, not that the teacher cared much. And I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that heard his last sentence about homework.

"How do I look! How do I look!" Girls all around were asking, looking into their mirrors…applying make-up… don't tell me that, that's today….please no…

A girl squealed. "Today's going to be great! I'm going to look great for the pictures this year."

Oh, god. It is. Picture day… I did describe to you what I look like today, didn't I? Like shit. Magnificent. One day I actually managed to look even worst then usual and it's picture day…Whoopi! The chain of bad luck continues.

I groaned. I hate being in pictures.

We all entered the 'cafetorium.' Poor school, couldn't afford a cafeteria and an auditorium so they made it into one and called it the 'cafetorium' great isn't it? **(only going to call it a cafetorium when it's used as something besides a cafeteria, if they're just eating in it I'm just gonna write cafe cause its faster)**

There were still people from the classes that came before us wandering about, the room was pretty filled.

Everyone was so excited for the pictures they rushed into the line. Me, on the other hand, slowly made my way to the **very** end of the line, as I did I passed Rei, who just couldn't pass up this opportunity to comment on how I look.

"Wow, you look like crap." Wow, that charming mouth of his must really rake in the girls.

"Why, thank you." I answered deadpanned.

"Don't worry these pictures will fit nicely with the ones you've taken every other year."

"That's makes me feel a lot better." I said monotonously then walked away from his crowd of people.

As I keep walking towards the end of the line, I kept hearing this voice….this annoying…high-pitched shriek. Erg, what is that!

"Celie!" I finally made out the word. Oh god. Don't look back, act normal… ignore her…just keep walking…just keep walking!

But to continue walking was sort of difficult when there was suddenly a wall of girl blocking me... big girls, rugby girls. One pointed behind me so I turned around. After a little while Britney finally caught up.

"Thanks for stopping her," she said happily. They all nodded then walked away, just to show you how much Britney was taking over. She was starting to dominate some of the higher grades.

I toke a deep breath. I wanted to yell, to scream at her **so** badly but the words I thought of just weren't coming out. Instead a smile was automatically plastered back onto my face and a sweet; "Hi, how are you?" came out of my mouth.

"Hi! I'm good…ummm…what about you?" she was awfully gung-ho for someone who had cause a huge gap in a family, not that we were a very close family to begin with. She was like this family's own personal Yoko Ono. **(my sister is currently listening to a lot of The Beatles...and yeah, don't comment on that:P)**

"I'm…a…"……"Fine."

"Oh that's good to hear," she didn't seem to notice the pause before the word 'fine' and how much I struggled to say it. "I was afraid that you'd be mad about…you know." She said still cheery, which made me want to rip her head off even more. Of course I was! Who wouldn't be!

"Since every thing's okay with us, let's go take our pictures! Okay?" why did she assume every thing's okay? I said I'm fine, not we're fine.

How much I wanted to yell NO! but like I told you…I have a problem with that word. "Uh…alright." I said awkwardly but she didn't notice or didn't care that what I was saying wasn't sincere.

"Wonderful!" she clapped her hands then grabbed my arm, dragging me towards the front of the line.

"Umm…the end of the line's back there."

"Oh, someone will let us go in front, don't worry." She was acting awfully friendly, awfully clingy. Which is wonderful, she's the last person I want to be with, the last person I want to see, talk or even think about yet she' the one dragging me around and acting all chummy with me. How ironic.

She sat down to take her picture first. Looking perfect as usual, she toke her poses for the shots. She's so photogenic. She could be a model…better yet an actress she's already great at the lying thing down.

In contrast I…suck at this picture thing. It's awkward. Sit like this, turn a little, stay still, smile. I am not a dog, stop giving me orders! I've never smiled for these things; I guess it really captures me, and how I feel. Unhappy and bitter. I can't put up with this crap; I do not want the results of these photos. Of course it couldn't be any worst then the last couple of years… My last three photos from middle school were just hideous.

Grade six: weird extremely short hair yet long bangs, I don't know what was up with that but basically it resulted in not being about to see half my face.

Grade seven: in the middle of a smile yet not quite, eyes partially closed, so I looked like I was in the middle or about to sneeze. That photographer just had the **WORST **timing in the world 'cause he took about three shots like that!

Grade eight: Ohhh, this was the worst of the three, plus it was put into the yearbook with comments that people read, so they actually saw the picture. You see…I'm allergic to seafood, I didn't know because I wasn't always, I developed it somehow or whatever and that day at lunch I just so happened to eat fish...so I was congested, very itching…and swelled…oh, I swelled soooo much but I didn't know and no one told me obviously, people stared, laughed but no one said a word. It wasn't any serious reactions, I wasn't wheezing, no nausea, no shortness of breath, just a bit itchy so I had no clue anything was wrong, so I took the picture…and yeah burned it afterwards. Of course everyone saw it, yearbook, and it was also put onto my school identification card. That was a great last year at that school, one I will surely never forget, I was a human blowfish after all.

"Come on!" Britney said, yanking me away once again. Why does she want to hang out with me today? Just seeing her face is pissing me off.

"I have to go back to math class."

"You have Mr. Makatasho don't you?"

"Yeah…" she'd know that…how?

"Well, he won't even notice that you're gone then! Come on let's go have some fun!" she didn't really give me a choice pulling me off towards the back of the school.

"Where are we going?"

"Just going to hang out, no where special."

Yes, nowhere special indeed, just a dirty old alley with a bunch of drugged-up-smokies, and Melissa, I was wondering how long it would be until she showed up.

I kept coughing as I breathed in some of the smoke. Just being here must be destroying my health; of course she didn't care much. I'm going to die of second-hand smoke.

There was a bunch of guys and a couple of girls hanging out in this alley. They were all so dead, unfriendly, dull…stoned looking. Britney took a cigarette from one of the others and put it into her mouth. She must be one lucky girl or have some great plastic surgeons 'cause those cigarettes don't seem to be taking much effect on her looks.

Britney seemed to be the life of the party; she started all the conversations and ended them all the same way... with something to do with Enrique.

"Yeah, that party was like so wild!" she started to giggle. "Enrique was so sweet, he bought me roses and this bracelet!...and we had some 'fun' upstairs..hehe Strip poker is great! It was our one month anniversary!" She was so giddy, showing the bracelet; it made me sick, it made me want to slap her. One month anniversary?...were they really dating for that long? I really didn't notice for a whole month! I'm so stupid sometimes I'm surprise that I'm still alive.

"Oh and last week, he brought me shopping! Ah! I. love. Shopping. Oooh and he's such a good kisser!" God, please stop. Please. I'm sorry for whatever bad things I've ever done in the past…but please get her to stop. I can't stand this. Why is she telling me these stories? Why is she torturing me! Does she have like no common sense at all! Why the hell would I ever want to here these things about my brother! Should I care that he's a good kisser? That is just something that a person doesn't want to know about their own brother.

"Celie, are you listening to me!"

"Yeah…" unfortunately, I've never mastered blocking out your voice.

"All of your other brothers are great! They've been sooo nice! We all hang out sometimes! You're family is so great! Enrique is the best thought! He calls like everyday and he listens to everything I have to say." She sighed in a loved-dazed sort of way. She's acting like a love sick puppy, and it was making me sick. This was so unlike her uncaring, going to get with as many guys as possible then dump them way. She usually has all control; this seems like an actual relationship.

Enrique's never been so sweet to all his other girlfriends, he doesn't usually call them, they call him. He definitely didn't go shopping with any of them, he hates it. He didn't get any of them anything and never remembered any sort of anniversary. He kind of just stayed with someone till he got bored but this doesn't seem the same. This could be bad…for me. I could live with this being a sort of fling or whatever but for it to be some long term relationship?... I don't think I could survive.

But why wouldn't Britney be obsessing over him? From the way she's describing him, he seems perfect. Almost too good to be true. Is he really this sweet caring guy and I didn't know it? I was too caught up in myself to ever notice?

'All hang out sometimes'? Heh, in one month she's gotten closer to all my brothers then I ever have or could in my whole life. That's really sad, she probably knows more about my brothers then I do. I don't know anything about my own brothers. I don't know the people I grew up with…but this floozy that just popped into their lives out of nowhere probably knows everything. That hurts, to know I'm losing them before I really even got to know them. It hurts every time she talks about them, my heart sinks every time she brings up how much time they spent together and how well they all get along. _And I can't fight the pain._

She talked all through what should have been my math class. I wish I had gone to math class, I'd so rather have been listening to him rant on about how the justice system sucks instead of listening to her rant about how fantastic Enrique is.

She's now dragged me to lunch where we're sitting in the middle of the 'popular' kid's table. It should be called the bitch table. No one was eating here; I guess it was just something they had to sacrifice for their figures.

Britney…seriously, she just couldn't stop talking today. I can't stand it. I'm trying so hard to just smile and bare it, but it's so hard.

"You're life is like soooo perfect Britney!" one of the others girls commented. That she was so right about. She has everything she's ever wanted.

"Not really. Actually my life is** really** hard. My mom forces me to do things, she says that I'm spoiled and should do more around the house instead of ordering others to do it." Ha her mother is right on the money, I knew I always like her. Her father on the other hand is the one that spoiled her to such an extreme level.

"That's soooo like harsh. I mean what kind of mother would like call their own like daughter like spoiled!"

"I know. I do my part around the house and in the community." Yeah your part making everyone suffer. God, she was doing it again…complaining. I buried my face into my hands. Shut up… I kept fidgeting, moving my hands over my ears. Shut up. I started hitting my head against the table. She's driving me crazy! I'm going to hurt her soon!

All the anger from the other day was flowing back into me now. My hands started to shake again and my breathing deepened.

"Celie," Why does she keep wanting to make sure I'm listening to her? Fucking hell just get out of my life already!

"Shut up." I whispered.

"Excuse me?" she asked, not sure if I said what she heard.

"Shut. Your. Fucking. Trap." I said louder, turning to face her. I'm fed up with this, fed up with her. I'm not taking this shit anymore. Screw you!

The table went silent.

"Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Yeah, a spoiled up snob that finds enjoyment in making other people miserable!" I yelled at her. The whole cafe went silent, probably because no one could believe anyone would say such a thing about 'sweet-innocent-little-Britney.' Pfft, as if she's ever been any of those things.

"What!" she yelled.

"You heard me. I'm so tired of this, so tired of pretending I care, so tired of listening to you talk about how you do this and that, and about how much you help people. You don't, everything you say is such a lie, it's so fake and you're a fake!"

"You better rethink what you're saying to me."

"No! You can't order me around anymore! You're not that great, and even if you were being great must suck then. All you do is complain and whine about how great you're life is! You're so damn egotistic! Me this, me that. You just think you're the queen of the world and that everyone should bow down to you. Sorry to be the one that has to tell you this but that ain't gonna happen."

"Cecilia that's not very nice of you." She said still sounding nice and innocent, still acting.

"Whatever, I don't care what you say or think. All those things you said to me over the years, all those stupid comments, I don't care about them anymore. _I've licked my wounds and carried on_."

"Cecilia," she said sweetly, "We're friends, there's no need for mean words-"

"Cut the crap! Stop trying to be nice and sweet, I know the real you. All these people may be too stupid to notice but I see right through your little act."

"Why, I have no clue what you're talking about." She denied it, blinking more then usual which brought out her long innocent looking eye lashes.

"I'm talking about how you act nice so that everyone will fall into your trap! How you compliment and makes nice with people to climb the social ladder then behind their backs spread rumors and destroy relationships."

Her eyes darkened and she glared at me, almost as if to say 'tell them anything and I swear you're dead.' Whatever she couldn't do anything to me 'cause these people can think whatever they want! I don't care if they don't like me, if they think I'm a freak, that's their problem!

"I haven't done anything of the sort."

"Oh, what about Melissa's hair? It just so happened to end up purple? No, I saw you switch the bottle. You also spread all those rumors about Cynthia having had a boob job just because her popularity was growing higher then yours. And Maddie's boyfriend? You kept telling her to break up with him because he was supposedly "uncool" and then when she did even though she really didn't want to; you went out with him in secret. I could just go ooon and ooon."

Her eyes darkened, she glared at me. She wasn't just going to stand there and take this that was obvious. "I don't know what you're attempting to do, but you better shut the hell up before I decide to make you're life a living hell." She whispered darkly to me but some people around us heard too.

"Don't you get it? I don't care what you do! I'm tired of dealing with you and pretending to be something I'm not! This is me, and I'm not going to hold back what I think anymore! You're just a bitch, plain and simple."

She growled she was getting angry and letting it take over just like I had done last night. And when you get angry you can't control what comes out of your mouth…I learned that the hard way. "I'm sorry that you're jealous of me but it's not my fault you have no personality and no one seems to like you. Heh, face it you're nothing but a pain to everyone around you, especially your brothers, and you know it." She smirked, she liked hitting people where it hurt.

"And so the real you has immerged." I was actually quite calm now, watching her destroy her own popularity.

"The real me? Ha, stop with that bullshit, no one believes your little lies. Right girls?" she asked looking at the people at the table.

No one answered her question…they were all silent.

"D-Did you really do those things?" one of them asked.

"Are you questioning me! What- Don't tell me you believe _her_! You trust this- this pitiful nobody! Heh, maybe you should join her in the loser department!" she yelled before she could stop herself. People were seeing her not-so-nice side for the first time. People were seeing the truth now.

"She's right, Britney, you are a bitch! You did go out with Jake after you forced me to break up with him didn't you!"

"I-I didn't do anything."

"You're such a slut." Another commented.

"A boob job? You told me Carol started that!"

"Well-….ummm…" Wow for once…Britney's at lost for words.

"You know what? You go hang out in the loser department! Don't ever come near any of us again. From now on you don't exist."

"But-"

"Get out of our face, loser!"

"Freak!"

"Melissa…"

"Save it, backstabber." Melissa answered turning her head away; someone has finally cut Melissa free of her chain.

And just like that all her friends were turning their backs on her, but I guess she had it coming. For once she's getting a taste of her own medicine. It was like the domino effect, I started it and now everyone's joining in.

This time a smirk appeared on my face. I have to admit, this feels good.

I walked away as they continued to yell and accuse Britney, at this point almost everyone in the cafe had joined in. It's funny how quickly people can turn against each other. But she's done wrong to so many people, they could be here all lunch and people still wouldn't be done.

I was skipping through the hallways. God, I love this feeling. I can't even begin to explain how it feels. It's like I'm floating on air, I need to dance and sing of joy, and I would if I knew how to dance or sing.

"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!" I heard growled from behind me I turned just to see a blond blob coming at me then I hit the ground, crushed under Britney.

"What the hell! Get off me." I struggled to push her off.

"I hate you. I hate you! I HATE YOU!" she screeched into my ear while continuing to attack me. She was pulling my hair and attempting to strangle me to death.

I rolled slightly to my right, so that she wasn't so on me. I brought my legs up just enough to use them to push her away. Her fingers finally released my throat. I held my neck breathing hard. Who knew she could attack with such force? I slowly got up leaned up against a locker. "What the hell is your problem? You nearly killed me!"

She was still lying on the ground. She seemed more freaked out then I was. Her eyes wide open and her whole body seemed to shake uncontrollably. She was laughing?...like a crazy women. "What's my problem? What's my problem! You are!" her voice boomed through the hallway. "You just fully wreck everything that I've spent my **life** building up!"

"I'm sure it wasn't that hard ordering people around and making people feel like shit. It's just popularity, you'll live." Heh, I don't plan on sympathizing with you if that's what you want.

"Popularity is **all** I had."

"Stop, just stop. You're always complaining about life, there's nothing wrong with it. You are the luckiest person ever. So stop complaining 'cause all you want is _more _attention."

"Yeah, I guess I always wanted more attention…but you wouldn't get why." She said slowly getting up.

"I wouldn't get why? Wow, you really don't know anything about me."

"Don't know anything about you? I know you have five brothers that would do just about anything for you."

"Do anything for me? You've got to be kidding. Where are you getting this info from?"

"But they're there when you get home, aren't they?"

"Yeah, but-"

"And they're there when you wake up, right?" she interrupted me, looking at the ground, her hair covering most of her face, her eyes dazed out. I've never seen her like this. She doesn't seem perfect anymore…she actually…reminds me of…myself…?

"…yeah…."

"Well then you're the lucky one."

"What are you talking about?"

"I come home to an empty house everyday. There's never anyone there when I go to sleep or when I wake up. I can't stand that house; there isn't a single noise there ever."

"What about you're parents? The ones that bring you just about everywhere? You've traveled just about the whole world!"

"Yeah…by myself. They say they want to bring me places but they never do."

"But you're parents are retired."

"Yeah, they don't even ditch me for work. They don't have a real reason to leave me. It's always some stupid shit. Friends in town, have to go golfing, spa appointment, random honey moon get away. And then I just end up going alone…"

"Pfft, whatever. I'm sure you could have brought a friend or something."

"I could have, but let's face it I don't have real friends they only hung out with me because they wanted to be popular…and I'm only popular because I'm rich and supposedly have the 'perfect life.' If they found out some sort of weakness they would have just used it against me. That's the kind of friends I have…or _had_."

…What does a person suppose to say to that? So her life wasn't as perfect as I thought, still didn't give her a right to hurt other people.

"Just because your personal life isn't all that great, doesn't give you the right to be mean to others."

"And it gave you the right?"

"What does that suppose to mean?"

"You think you're life isn't all that great right now, so you decided to take it out on me."

"That's because you're the reason why my life's not that great right now!"

"Forget it, you'll never get that you're the one with the perfect life. You're never alone, though you may think you are…You're the one that doesn't get it…"

"Doesn't get what! What don't I get? By all means please, fill me in on how I have the good life! Tell me how I can be ignored by the world, teased, and pushed around and still have the perfect life? Tell me how I could have you on my back, bitching at me, and still have this perfect life?"

"You aren't ignored by the world, I told you that!…and I've always been mean to you… because… because … I've always been jealous of you! I always wanted your life…your family. Tired to take it too…" Jealous?...her? of 'pitiful' me?...I detect a lie.

"Jealous? What's there to be jealous of? My extreme stupidity? My lack of style…my lack of looks? My low-to-zero self-esteem?"

"…When we meet, I saw Rei and the way he was always there...just there, standing beside you, making sure you were okay. And when we got older, he wasn't always standing beside you but he was always around, somewhere nearby. So I wanted him, just because I wanted someone to look after me but he'd never so much as look me way because he was too busy looking after you… Maybe you're the one that should start appreciating what you've got."

...Rei…looking after…me?... I… I-I don't…remember that. "You got Enrique now, don't you? So what does it matter?"

"Not really, he doesn't care about me. He made a mistake, so he isn't perfect, no one is. It took me so long to get him just because he didn't want to hurt you…so he did think about you, he always thinks about you first."

"Yeah but you guys are the perfect couple now aren't you?...from what I've heard from you at least."

"No, he never did any of those things. I made it all up. You were right, I am a fake…I just wanted you too hurt, make you feel as lonely as I do everyday of my life…"

She was sounding more and more like me by the second. It was starting to get scary.

She finally looked up; her eyes were red and full of tears. "Oh, and he broke up with me this morning, just to let you know…" The tears finally fell from her eyes and ran down her cheek. She then took off full speed before I even had time to react.

That was such a hard concept to grasped, Britney, imperfect family, imperfect friends, imperfect life, just plain defective actually.

I feel kind of bad now… I didn't really know her at all and I judged her. I judged her without knowing her, just like people do to me…

"Quite a display you put on in the cafe."

My head whipped back to see military boy. I'm not in the mood to deal with him right now, so I continued walking. "Go away."

"Feeling bad?"

"What?" I stopped and faced him.

He made his question clearer. "Feeling bad about what you said?" How did he always read me like a book?

"I don't know what you're talking about. Why would I be?"

"You were never one to take pleasure out of making other people suffer." …he was right **_again_** but I'm not about to admit it.

"She had it coming. You said so yourself that I shouldn't let her push me around…and stop acting like you know me already!"

He shrugged. "She had it coming but you overdid it." He said simply then walked past me.

Why did he always play Mr. Wise? He has this way of kicking people when they're down.

"You coming brat?"

"Hey! Stop calling me that! Only Johnny can…and only because he won't..not.."

"Do you prefer 'Celie'?" he said with his all-important-cocky-pompous-smug-condescending smile across his face, but it still made me smile. Damn, he had that affect on me. Second time! What the hell?

"Shut up!" I said pouting and crossing my arms like an upset seven year old.

When we- stupid bum walked all the way home with me, doesn't he have a car or something?- arrived home my mom was already there. Different…odd…suspicious.

"Cecilia." She called me into the kitchen. I walked in. "Sit down." She said gesturing towards the chair. I was in trouble, I knew because when I was in trouble, it'd be like being called into the principal's office. But why I was in trouble was the question.

I sat down, quietly. She took a sip from her coffee to prolong the suspense.

"I got a phone call from school today."

Oh," riiiiiiiiiiight, totally forgot I slept through all of first period. Sigh.

"You didn't show up for first period."

"I overslept... no one woke me,"

"You aren't a little girl anymore I shouldn't have to wake you every morning."

"Yes, I know."

"You should be grown up and mature enough to know when you have to go to bed and when you have to wake up. I don't have time to keep checking up on you." Keep?...when have you ever?

I nodded.

"I shouldn't still need to do this but I guess have to," she sighed. "Bedtime is now at nine for you. I want you in bed at nine and asleep by nine-thirty. I can't have you missing class over lost sleep."

"But elementary kids are still awake at nine."

"Well too bad, till you show some responsibility this is the time you sleep. No excuses, you should have your homework done before that time for once. I'll have your brothers make sure you do as I ask." She left the room. Jeez, she thinks I don't want my homework done before that time for once?...it's not like I purposely wait till late to start working!...except on weekends.

Wow, I have even less of a life now. Where am I going to find the time to even take a shower?

I sat down, staring at my math sheet.

Question one: Find the equation of the line that passes through these two coordinates, (2,-7) and (4,-15). Your equation of the line should fit into this format: ymx+b.

I sat there staring at it, my left hand supporting my head up and my right hand tapping a pencil on the table. My mind was no where near the subject of math. It was drifting off into Lala land and I wasn't making a single attempt to save it.

Events from today were playing over. Why did Britney have to say all those things? Why couldn't she just let me have that floating on air feeling for just a little longer?

"_You're the one with the perfect life."_

"…_you're the lucky one."_

"…_I've always been jealous of you."_

"_You aren't ignored by the world!"_

"_I saw Rei and the way he was always there...just there, standing beside you, making sure you were okay."_

"Rei…why can't I remember that?" I whispered under my breath.

"Remember what?"

"Huh?" my head turned to see all of them standing by the door. "I didn't realize anyone was there…"

"Don't tell me you were talking to yourself again?" Tala commented.

I didn't answer.

"Your late, it's boring here with her."

They all continued to talk…but slowly they're voices seemed to fade. The whole room seems to be fading. My vision blurred. I rubbed my eyes and when I opened them again I was in a whole new place where there was no lights, no nothing, just darkness. Then pictures began to flash in my head…me…Rei? We were small, real small. Soon those pictures became somewhat like a film, taking place at a park.

_"Rei! Rei! Rei you big dummy! Get up here now!" the five-year-old chirpped, hanging upside down from the monkey bars in the park. Her hair was tied back, but was still to the length that her head still resembled a mop._

_"Are you crazy? What happens if you fall from there?" huffed her twin, with same length and colour hair._

_"I wont fall! I won't fall!" her face twisted into a pout._

_"Ok. If you say so..." and with that, he went to run up the slide._

_He was minding his own business, trying to see if he could slide down backwards and not end up getting sand in his hair, when he noticed two kids (who were rather new to the playground, and he knew this, because they'd spent most of their lives there) that were about a year older. He hadn't paid to much attention to the two at first, but once out of view (and he had the whole park pretty much in view from sitting backwards at the bottom of the slide, he started to worry._

_"Hey! Hey I was here first!" his sister's familiar cry rang through his ears._

_"Move, loser!" the girl said, pushing the head of orange hair. Cecilia started to swing dangerously like a pendulum. "This is our spot now."_

_"Ya! If you know what's good for you, you'd leave us right now!" the boy mocked his companion, giving her another push._

_"Hey! Stop it! Please! I'm going to fall!" the orange head whimpered, too scared to let go at this point._

_"That's the point, orangey!"_

_With that last note, her grip on the high bars loosened. She closed her brown eyes tightly, and waited to break a bone. _

_That didn't happen, however. She landed on something relatively soft. "R-Rei!"_

_"Hey! That's dangerous!" her brother snapped at the two kids, "she could have been seriously hurt!"_

_"Humph! Then tell your little sister there to be more careful next time!" the boy faced him. Rei stood up tall, and he was about his height. He had always been tall for his age. _

_"You are the one who should be careful! Pull that crap again and I'll kill you!"_

_The two kids gasped in horror. "You swore! What do they teach you at home?"_

_"I got 4 older brothers at home, I think they teach me." He smiled smugly as their looks of shock continued to change. What if this kid told them and the 6 kids ganged up on them._

_"Fine, whatever," the girl said, "come on, we're going." And they'd left as fast as they came._

_A new shadow loomed over the remaining siblings. "You guys are late. Come home."_

_Rei looked up and smiled, "Kay! Come on! Let's go! Your boyfriend's calling us!" he teased._

_For the first time since her fall, she spoke, "Don't be a meanie ReiRei!"_

"_I was only kidding," he said helping her up then quickly yelling "Race you home!" and running off, getting a head start._

"_Hey! No fair! Wait for meeeeeeeee!"_

My laughter faded, my vision blurred again…then slowly reality came back around me.

"She…stopped blinking… is that ever a good sign?" Max said.

Tyson was waving his hand in front of my face.

I blinked a couple of times looking at my surroundings. I was definitely back.

They all shrugged when they saw that I was fine and went back to their previous activities.

"Rei…"

"_Maybe you're the one that should start appreciating what you've got." _I heard Britney's voice provoking me to continue.

"What?" he asked, not looking up from his guitar that he was once again tuning.

"…" I walked up to him, sitting down in front of him.

"What do you want?" he asked again, this time looking up.

I leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. "Thanks." I whispered, then got up and walked away.

"..." He seemed shocked. "…w-wait! For what!" he yelled when I was already out of the room.

I shrugged. "Just thanks…_ReiRei_."

3rd person's P.O.V.

Three cars pulled up on the driveway, at around the same time.

Tala, coming out of one, Enrique, Max and Tyson from another and Johnny and Rei from the last.

"Wait…if we're all here, at the same time…who's-"

"Kai…we all had other things to do, so he said he would." Tala answered.

"Oh…Maybe she shouldn't spend that much time with him…"

Tala shrugged, "Hasn't done any harm yet."

"Okay…" they all trusted his judgment, he's never been wrong yet.

"Before we all go in," Rei brought up randomly. "Remember, no more mushy stuff. We have to go back to normal."

They all nodded in agreement.

They all entered the house, Enrique immediately split off from the rest of them, he retreated to his room while the others entered the living room to see their sister slouched over on the desk.

"Rei…why can't I remember that?" she whispered.

"Remember what?" Rei asked, fairly curious.

"Huh?" she asked, turning her head. "I didn't realize anyone was there…"

"Don't tell me you were talking to yourself again." Tala commented.

"Your late, it's boring here with her." Kai said, showing up from the kitchen.

"We didn't have anymore fun then you."

Soon they all settled in, doing their usual things.

"Yo…she's acting weird." Tyson said drawing attention towards Cecilia, who had stopped moving. Her eyes open, but unblinking and distant looking, her body frozen in place. She was lost in her own mind.

"You okay?" Tyson asked, as he began to wave his hand in front of her face…nothing, no reaction, no movement.

"She…stopped blinking…is that ever a good sign?" Max said.

No one knew what was happening, or what to do but she soon came back. Her eyes began to blink again so quickly trying to act less concerned everyone shrugged and went back to normal.

"Rei…" her voice was soft and fragile.

"What?" he asked, not looking up but listening carefully and trying not to show it.

She was silent, as she got up and sat in front of him.

"What do you want?" he asked harshly trying not to seem like he cared, but she didn't seem to notice.

She leaned in, kissing him on the cheek, letting only one word escape her mouth, "Thanks."

She then got up calmly and walked away.

Rei's mouth dropped slightly, but he quickly regained his control. "…w-wait! For what!" he yelled when she had already exited the room.

He heard a soft response, "Just thanks…_ReiRei_." ReiRei…it had been years since she'd called him that. It was like music to his ears.

"Weren't you the one that just said no more mushy stuff?"

"I don't know what that was about…"

"She's remembering." Kai and Tala said in unison.

"Is that a good...or bad thing?"

**Wow...seems long when put onto guess it's cause whenI writeI don't doublespace..Okay…so kinda mushy ending..again-.- couldn't help it but that can change:P Her life rest in the hands of a moody-teenaged-Kai-crazed-lil-girl:D well R&R! **


	10. Invisible No Longer

**Hey everyone! I'm so sry that it took me so long to post this…but it's taken me quite a while to write a new chapter. I was practicing for my piano exam which may I add went horribly but hey what's new? You try you fail, whatever….lol…scratch that, let's bring out positive me. It went…ummm…. Fine? suuure…lol but anyway I was putting all my energy into practicing so writing didn't exactly flow but I started writing again after the exam it took just shy of a week to write a full chapter but at least I got it done right?...lol… Thanks for all the reviews! It made really happy while I was practicing! Like really the only thing I would stop for during my piano time was to read ur reviews!...also made me a little guilty for not writing:P…ummm…yeah….so this chapter went through…some really hefty editing it was nine pages and by the time editing was done it ended up being eleven...and it's just a filler too…oh well…**

**Oh…and this is something really important because…well it's about Kai! (more stupid then important really)**_**Kairi Hiwatari1015 **_**mentioned that I always say I like Kai the most but always bring Tala into these things well I have a reeeal good reason for that! Haha, I don't like making fun of Kai:P… -whispers- and doing it to Tala is kinda fun…hehehe Anyways gonna end my rant here.**

**Disclaimer: I own only what I own which is not beyblade or any of it's characters so basically I own nothing….it's true…right now I don't even own a bed!...lol…not true…but I've been sleeping on the floor, very hurtful on the back after a while:P…long story and not worth telling:P**

**Chapter 10 - Invisible No Longer**

"Here kitty, kitty, kitty…" Sigh, "Here kitty, kitty, kitty. I have ummm…" what do cats like again?... "Uhh … fish?" Cat's like fish right?

There you are you rotten little mutant rat! I quickly went over to the couch, bending down and trying to reach for her. How the heck did she get herself under there?

Ow! Damn this cat and its sharp nails...or teeth... god, I hope it doesn't have rabies. I'd get her tested...if I could ever catch her!

Right when my hand was out of the way she ran for it taking cover by a plant.

God, another thing that doesn't like me. Stupid cat, she looked so cute and defenseless when Tala was holding her! Ummm…yeah, I'm not sure if it's male or female…just guessing here.

"I just want to give you a shower! Must you be so difficult?"

"You really think that's a wise thing to say?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Cats don't like water, brat." Riiiiiiiight. Didn't know that.

"I hate you."

"Hn," Go get yourself a bigger vocabulary you…big…meanie!...there I go again…Meanie? I'm not six here…

He bending down and looked at the cat, next thing I know it's in his arms. Stupid damn cat. Runs away from me but comes running with open arms for him. I gave her a warm place to stay, I feed her! ME! But no she likes Mr. grumpy pants that probably would have let her die in the alley...**I **should have let her die in the alley!

"Here." He dumped her- yes it was a her- in my hands. Right- and I means _right_ like the exact second her paws made contact with my arms she started to fidget and struggle against me like I was some sort of mad scientist that was going to cut her open and play with her insides. News flash! I don't like blood!

"Why. Don't. You. Like. Me. You. Stupid. Cat!"

"Good luck with that." And then he was gone, always like that there one second gone the next not that I have a problem with him leaving.

"I'm not letting you go this time! No matter how much you struggle and scratch- OW! Still not letting you go! Darn cat!"

I finally managed to get her in the tub where she struggled, trying to jump out. She's quite the stupid cat really; she jumped onto my legs, then goes head first into a wall and hits the floor, and of course spraying water everywhere. Urg! Should have left that damn cat in the alley to rot!

Now, I'm sitting on my bed, my arms **and** legs are all covered in scratches. That...that... stupid mutant rat thing! is lying on the ground somewhere in this room, wet and cold. Serves her right! I'm not going to waste the rest of the day crawling around on the floor looking for her again. Humph.

Footsteps…I hear loud rushing footsteps…Let me guess, let me guess….ummm…Rei?

Just as I thought he stormed into the room being a gust of wind as always when he's in a rush, also letting all the noise from outside leak into here. He seems very frustrated, looking through some of his piles of papers, conveniently located all over the floors of course. Musicians and their organization skills.

"Yo, have you seen that silver notebook?"

"You mean the one filled with songs for Mariah?"

He dropped the pill of paper he was holding, and looked at me. "You read it?"

I shrugged, "It might have fallen open….several times…" I get bored, okay? And they're a good laugh and a half. Real good at cheering me up too. Don't look at me like that, if he didn't want me to read it he shouldn't have left it on the floor.

"Give it to me."

"I don't have it."

"Give it to me now."

I rolled my eyes. "Last I saw it was under your bed."

He rolled his eyes, pulling up his covers. "Don't touch my stuff."

"Well I wouldn't if you didn't leave all you stuff all over the floors. You know I live here too."

"Hn, never noticed." He hesitated a little before sticking his hand under his bed and into the land of rotting sandwiches, old unwashed gym clothes and other things that even god himself probably wouldn't want to touch. He pushed some of the junk around probably hoping not to encounter anything moving, till finally he pulled out his precious notebook. "There's something else in here too and I think it's got your name on it." He pulled out that cursed cat. "Weren't you the one that was supposed to take care of this thing? It looks like she was trying to get warmth from my old gym bag." Ha, I'm amazed that cat isn't dead from smelling that thing.

"Pfft. Just put her back. It's pure evil."

"I don't see what's wrong with her, besides the fact that she's soaking wet." he said as the cat licked him affectionately. Does that cat only like guys or something? Hello! You're a girl! Do you hate your own kind? Or just me? I'm guessing just me.

"Do you not see the scratches all over my arms and legs?"

"Didn't notice." he shrugged, playing more attention to that cat then to the things I was saying. He petted the vile thing a couple of times before placing it on his bed and covering her with his blanket. "See ya later." he left with what he had came here for, back downstairs to his beloved, Mariah. Awwww, I'm gonna be sick.

The stupid thing started to purred happily tucked away in Rei's bed. Damn that hellion...Hellion...yes that's what I'll name the little monster!

"Shut up!" Damn cat ticks me off, now I know I am definitely not a cat person. Maybe I'll just get a bunch of stuffed cats when I'm old and bitter. It'll add to the crazy thing, I'll pretend their real and I'll feed then, bath them and cloth them like their little kids that way I'll scare away anyone that every decides to visit. I like it! My new plan for the future.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

...I loath this...this place, one bad memory after another in this rusted up old school. I stepped through the front doors, noise filled my ears. People screaming, yelling, others laughing and jumping about. It's really weird how hundreds of different emotions and personalities could co-exist in one small building, but I guess it isn't that weird, considering millions of different people manage to co-exist in this little place we all call Earth...well...co-exist, sort of, to some extent...sometimes.

At this time, I've explored about half the school, just enough to accidentally come across all my classes when I need to but when second semester comes-a-knocking...there's going to be trouble.

"Thirty-five right, fifteen left, thirty-three right." I whispered to myself, and then my lock swung open.

"Saying your combination out loud, not to bright brat." I turned around but no one was there, he was gone….again. He'd make an excellent robber. Think about, he'll creep up behind you, whisper 'Give me all you money' and then be gone before you can register the fact that he took all your money. Well at least he'll be rich and if he only robs women I'm sure the ones that see him will fall too deeply in love with him even remember that he stuck a gun to their head and took all they had. Ahh, I can picture it, absolute stupidity.

I sighed blowing some of my hair out of my face and bringing my attention back to my locker.

My locker just screams me, reflects me perfectly...empty. All my books are lined up at the bottom and that's it, no poster, no pictures, no nothing just some books. I took the ones needed, holding the ones for next class and stuffed the rest into my bag zipping it closed, then swinging it over my shoulders. I slammed my locker shut, then locker it, ready to wander around aimlessly till I just so happen to come by the right classroom.

I expect today to be...well I don't know what to expect of today. I mean Britney is no longer popular and I found out she has feelings, like actual feelings. Never in forever could I have even begun to imagine that happening. The days just seem to get weirder. Till yesterday I seriously thought of her as some heartless hellcat...can you tell I still have that stupid Hellion from home in my mind?

Today was definitely going to be different though but I don't think anything could surprise me, I mean I've just had one horrible shock after another. I think it's about time life died back down a little, then spring back up to hit me in the face of course. Just can't wait to see what the Fate sisters have planned for me next. **(Ah, English flashback:P)**

"Hey!...ummm...Celie?...is it?"

"Uhh...no, Cecilia." I corrected...hm, now since when do I correct people?

"Riiight, Cecilia, how are you?" my eyes shifted from left to right, is there another Cecilia around here? ...nope. She is talking to me then.

"Uhh…okay?...I guess."

"Good to hear." she nodded and smiled. Carol, I think this one was called, soon joined by Cynthia and Maddie, who all surrounded me.

"Here, let me carry those books for you." Cynthia said, taking my heavy binder and textbook off my hands.

One thing I know for sure, is that these kinds of people are only nice when the want something.

They smiled sweetly, wow, they must have picked that up from Britney because it was identical to hers. Hum, nothing I hate more then a bunch of copycat posers. Imitation may be the biggest form of flattery but that doesn't stop it from being annoying even when you're not the one being copied. I mean everyone's unique right? Different. That's suppose to be the reason why meeting new people is fun but when everyone's all the same…like in this school, meeting someone new is like well…not meeting someone new. It wouldn't make a difference because their just like the person you talked to in the last class or whatever, another pointless conversation with someone who seems to be a total ditz yet still getting higher grades then me.

"So..." here it comes, what do you idiot-wannabes want? "We were wondering if you know anything else about...like you know."

"Actually I don't know." If you'd like finish the like sentence it might like help, like totally! -.-

"About like Britney, you know." Figures.

"..." I didn't say anything. I kind of like watching them sweat it out, trying to figure out if I'll give them more dirt on Britney. Well, if there was one thing that I've learned through my life it's that if you're nice back to these people you only get pushed around, like Britney always did. So basically, I ain't telling them jack.

"You know if you tell us, you can hang out with us from now on." What a lame bribe! I mean I want real friends now, none of these fake-egotistic-step-on-as-many-people-as-possible-while-climbing-the-social-ladder-bimborellas,

"I'll pass." I said simply, taking my books away from Cynthia then walking away.

Okay…pause….rewind! Was that just me? Was it me that I just saw doing that? No…wait it must have been my evil twin or something- wait my evil twin's Rei…and that wouldn't have worked out…I don't know… I just did that…didn't I? Wonderful.

I kind of fear another popular-all-ruling-three forming here, and this time Carol will be the leader of the pack. I guess that's how it works in high school; one person gets torn down and banished away so that another can immediately take power and command. Freaky, I guess no high school can exist without someone bullying others…like in the real world which I find really stupid because like we don't have enough problems we also have to fight amongst ourselves. You know the prospect of evading aliens isn't that bad because then we'd all be against something besides ourselves and a common goal can bring people together. **(A common hate or anger towards something really does…I have proof! That would be too long to write here:P…lol)**

First class, not so bad, you know same old. And geography was great! You know why? Cause supply teachers are great! Didn't do a thing, woohoo! Of course doing nothing leads to a hefty pile of homework. What can I say there's a downside to all.

I'm currently sitting in the cafe at the far back table by the window...alone, but I'm okay with it. No really, I am. No sarcasm at all, I swear.

Anyway I was sitting here, eating rather peacefully when I noticed something. Another girl, sitting alone not that far away. She looks familiar, yet not really. Her hair covered most of her face, she dressed rather plainly. Simple T-shirt and jeans. I know her, I know I do.

Wow, she just looked up…some powerful…very frightening eyes there…Is she glaring at me? Waait…could that be?...No….or maybe?...is it?...Britney?

I picked up my tray and walked over to her table sliding into the sit across from her.

".Umm…Hey." I said quickly. So lame…but what would you say?

She didn't answer, didn't even make an attempt to move away, just continued glaring…and…umm…not blinking. Her eyes almost seemed to glow red like she was going to shed her skin and out would pop out some sort of human-eating-demon. I'd use the line 'if looks could kill,' right now but that's just been done, and overdone.

"Ummm...listen, I'm…sorry about yesterday." I really have never liked making other people sad…sorrys were also never my strong point.

She didn't answer so I continued talking.

"I realize now that I was really upset, and I may have gone over the line. I shouldn't have said all of the things that I did." I shouldn't have said all of those things but some things were completely within the lines…right?

She still didn't answer. I seriously could feel this vibe of pure, concentrated hatred just flowing out of her and hitting me. I was kind of scared that she was going to jump me again. I held my tray almost as if I was going to use it as a shield. Funny thought, Britney ramming into a tray!...okay, serious now. I'm in a serious situation. Se-ri-ous.

It almost looked like she was going to say something for a second but the she just looked down and started to play with her spoon, dangling it around in her soup. Almost as if trying to avoid or hide from someone or something.

I looked up, it was Carol and the others...wow that's a change, _Carol _and the others, it's usually Britney and the others... So that's who she's hiding from…that explains the clothes too! For once she's trying to blend in.

"Oh, how low the mighty have fallen." Carol said in her most condescending tone. Every dog has their day Carol, I wouldn't be acting like that if I were her. It'll just come back to bite her in the ass. Did they learn nothing? I guess it has to happen to them personally for them to get it.

"Ha, what rags she wears now. I wouldn't be surprised if her family was really poor. I guess your daddy just can't support her precious little girl anymore." God, they don't know what they're talking about...just like I didn't. I wanted to stand up for her...but I can't even stand up for myself, how could I help others? And that's what truly made me worthless. **(Yes my disses aren't really disses...but I'm no good at making fun of ppl:P)**

"Look who she hangs out with now, little Miss Chestless here. Ew, she has a worst sense of style then you do, Britney. How lame. Ever heard of a little thing called make-up?" she asked me, I didn't answer, as usual I had nothing to say.

"I doubt it could fix...It." she gestured to my face, "but hey, if you used some, people may stop running the other direction when they see you, they may just cover their eyes." well there's their payback. Congrats to myself, I have just made some worthy enemies. How I suddenly miss invisibility.

"Hn, I think they fit well together. The ugly with the uglier. Like they say, those who reassemble, assemble." and with that they were off, giggling and pointing. How cliché of them.

Britney finally shot her head up for the first time since they got here, he eyes continued to stare at me. Where was this fire when they were making fun of her? She could totally take them. She finally spoke and I think I liked it better when she was silent. With the tone she used each word sent a cold tingle down my back, goose bumps. "Just stay away from me. Nothing you say could make anything better." And then she stormed off.

Why do I bother? Right, cause I feel bad. Damn! I'm too soft...

The next two classes passed...well, slowly but what do you expect? I had Math and English. At least it went rather smoothly. Nothing worth retelling. A snore fest really.

I walked down the hallway coming out of math class. I made it to my locker without any real disasters occurring.

Putting in the right numbers, my lock swung open allowing me to open my actual locker. I opened the door and a small envelope fell by my feet. I picked it up. It was labeled _Cecilia_, which ruled out my first thought that it had been placed in the wrong locker. I opened it, unfolding the little piece of paper that laid inside.

'_Meet me by staircase eleven' _was written on it with a black pen and neat cursive handwriting. It was left unsigned.

Now who in all hecks (trying to cut back on the swearing) would leave me this? Wow, already the curiosity was killing me. Well...what will it hurt just to see...right?...unless of course this was some kind of trick…ummm…oh whatever, curiosity wins over paranoid delusions every time.

I quickly slammed my locker shut and was skipping off... I was actually kind of happy, I don't know why but my heart was beating abnormally fast almost as if I expected some Prince Charming to be waiting at the staircase to sweep me off my feet and carry me to our big castle to live happily ever after. How I wish.

But anyways for that to ever even have the littlest of littlest of possibility of happening I would have to know where I was going. I would have to know where this staircase eleven was...Did this school actually have that many staircases! You know, it'd be really helpful if the people make like a map of this place or something. The could sell it and I would still buy it, cause we all know I need it.

I did some mindless wondering but it had seemed that luck was on my side today, it only took my a whole...thirty minutes? to find it. Knowing me and you should know me now that's a personal record.

I stood there, but I'm guessing whoever left this note in my locker is long gone and I'll never find out who put it there or why. Oh well, it would have been awkward anyway. I mean what was I going to say? What if it was some freaky perverted dude I didn't even know? Best it turned out this way I guess.

Suddenly there was a random scream, followed by 'Help me! Help me!' It was coming from upstairs. I ran up and down the empty hallway, the screams continued. It was coming from the janitor's closet, the door was opened.

I ran in without a second thought, though I had no clue how I of all people was going to help this person. The room was rather small, cluttered with janitor's supplies. No one was in there.

There was a sound of glass or something breaking and it got darker in the room, then a voice. "Hi _Cecilia," _my name was said almost as if in totally disguised of it.

I turn around and there Carol was blocking my exit.

"I heard someone scream for help..." I stated still confused. I guess I hoped she'd tell me that there was someone under attack and I needed to go call help immediately but something in me told me that, that was not the case.

"Like this: _'Help me! Help me!'_" she imitated in the same damsel-in-distress voice as before.

"That was you?"

"No shit. You really are a naive. Came running here just as I wanted you to."

"What do you want?" Well this is anything but good.

"Nothing...just to have you suffer." she answered bluntly with a little hint of amusement in her voice.

"What are you talking about?"

"Well you see, this little birdie, told me you don't really like to be locked up alone, and in the dark so that's what I intend on doing. I'm going to lock you in here." she smiled. I knew that she had back up somewhere, and if I tried to push my way out I'd only end up losing a finger or something and quite frankly I like having ten fingers, ten toes and all my limbs.

"Why would you do that? What have I done?"

"If you aren't a part of the solution, you're a part of the problem."

Like to clear that up for me? "Wha?"

"If you aren't with me, then you're with the enemy. Basically, if you aren't going to do what I ask then I'm going to make you're life a living hell. I saw how you brought down Britney, and I don't plan on loosing my status. But I do have to thank you, after all it is because of you I am where I am today." She smiled…and even her smile screamed pure evil.

God, is popularity all that matters to these people? There are other things to life! It won't be like high school forever!

"Is this still about me not telling you anything on Britney?"

"Good job little doggie! You got it!" she clapped her hands together. "As you can see, I'm not quite as lenient as Britney. No one crosses me **ever**. I take more pleasure knowing that people are suffering both mentally and physically. Gossip is good, but not good enough." Wonderful, I tear one person down only to get stuck with someone ten times worst! Should have kept my big mouth shut! "Heh, you should have just told me what I wanted to know. I asked you nicely and I only do that once. Now you know next time you should just answer me, Britney had no problem with that. She's a smart one, trying to get back on our good side. At least she knows her place now, obeying me."

"Britney?" Britney obeying anyone is ridiculous.

"Yeah, how else do you think we knew where you're locker was to put in that stupid letter you're holding. You know, she knew a lot about you. What you did after school, where you'd go, places you like to go, it was almost freaky, helpful though."

"You put that there?"

"Awww! Don't tell me you actually thought a guy liked you? Ha! Now that's funny!"

I looked down. She's right, that wasn't very smart of me thinking that...actually that was down right stupid of me! But hey can't fight the stupidity that is me.

"Well ta ta for now. Oh and don't expect any janitors to come along and let you out. They're on work to rule which means they all left right when school was out so you're going to be here alllll night long. And bang all you like, whatever teachers still in this school don't come down this hallway. Have fun!" she said slamming the door shut before I could think of a thing to do. I was surrounded by darkness.

I'm stuck in a janitor's closet...now I'm surprise. Reeeeally didn't see this coming. My streak of bad luck never seems to ends. Okay, something to add to the list of things I've learned through my life, being nice to these kinds of people may cause them to push you around but at least they won't stuff you into a small smelly janitor's closet to rot through the night!

It's true, no good deed goes unpunished. I decided to keep my mouth shut with anything about Britney and this is my punishment, a night in a stinky closet.

Oh, god I don't feel good. It's really cramped in here, I felt around the floor, pushing things away enough so I'd have a little spot to sit down. There was still _a little_, I stress a little cause it was really hardly any, light coming in from the little space between the ground and the door but that little bit of light was keeping my from totally freaking out….I am freaking out though, she was right not only do I have claustrophobia but achluophobia too…I don't even know why…just am. This place is truly my worst nightmare come true! It's….it's….getting hard to breathe in here…air…air…more air…oh god…dark…it's… it's…really …dark… It's okay…it is okay…There's nothing in here…no monsters, no demons, no spirits…nothing's lurking in the dark…nothing trying to kill me…okay…closing my eyes…I'm in a big open field. Biiig and ooopen….with lots of…flowers and trees…it's okay…Right, now open my eyes again…nope! Not better! Not better!...calm…calm…like I said before it's okay…open eyes…take a deep breath in and out and just continue the process to live. There's more then enough air in here. Okay now think of a way out! You can do it!...I can do it…

I'll just do my thinking the way I always do…banging my head against something. Why. Am. I. So. Stupid! Falling into such an obvious trap!...and something hit me, it's amazing how I remember things while destroying my brain cells. There was a light thingy! I remember seeing it when I came in! There was light in here! I felt around above me… Here! The cord thing to turn on the light! God, how lucky. I pulled it...nothing. Okay, or not so lucky. I felt around the space above me...there was something pointy? Glass...the light bulb was broken! That would explain the glass sounds and it getting darker in here! That-rhymes with witch- broke the light bulb so the only light was coming from the hallway! Damn her! She thought of everything!...but then again maybe not. This **is** a janitor's closet, there's got to be some light bulbs in here!

I tried to force my eyes to focus, as I searched franticly for a box of light bulbs. But it wasn't working, I could hardly see a thing, and I definitely couldn't see any light bulbs.

Ah I give up! I'm just going to sit down and wait for tomorrow. I can survive one night…right?...Right? Who am I kidding, I'm freaking out, I'm shaking and sweating and I can hardly think straight. I truly hate it in here. I really need out…but how? How?

I leaned my head back, letting it hit the wall with a bang. And with that something fell from the shelf above me and into my lap... light bulbs! Jeez, banging my head into things solves everything!

I got up feeling for the broken light bulb. I slowly replaced it with a new one and pulled the cord. Presto, the lights were on...finally! Not that I'm complaining, better late then never.

Wow, I made a real mess in here. I picked up some boxes tucking them away neatly on a shelf. Damn! Gotta resist the urge to clean! Not now! Need to figure out a way out of here. I was hoping for a window of some sort, but really what kind of closet has windows?

Think! Think! Come on think, brain!...nothing, total blank. Sometimes I think my brain's working against me.

I sat down again, hugging my legs, my head hurt too much to hit it against anything again. Time seemed to past but how long? I couldn't tell you. I was hoping it was almost morning now but I know that's not possible. True I have light, but I'd rather have my freedom. Enclosed space…this place really is smaller then I thought, I can clearly tell it was not meant for someone to spend the night in. Heck, I don't even think it was made for someone to be able to stand in.

Who knew Carol could be this cruel? Well….from past experiences, probably everyone but me. I'm such a bad judge of character. Need to work on that seeing people as they really are thing. Wouldn't it have been easier, if evil people just looked evil? Like had a huge wart or something on their nose? And the bigger it was the eviler they are.

It was really hot in here with the lights on but there's no way I'm turning them off. I kept sitting there as time kept passing. I looked at the door hoping that someone would burst into here and save me but no such luck so I just kept staring at the door, then at the door knob, then at the key hole. **(One of those doorknobs where u can open it from both side with a key) **The key hole...something from Math class came flashing back...something in Math class is coming in handy! How a lock works, how to pick a lock! Oh my god! He gave us a lesson on that! I'm serious he did, I don't even know why I just came into class and he had a picture of the inside of a lock on the blackboard and he was explaining how to pick it…not that I care why! Okay! Okay! Think! What did he say! Remember! Remember! I absolutely **need** to remember this! I closed my eyes, trying to relive that day, and that…to tell you the truth rather boring speech.

_"A lock is rather simple, most are just a cylinder with a series of small pins of various lengths lined up at the top and bottom inside the cylinder. When there is no key inserted, the pins rest in a way that prevents the cylinder from turning, keeping the door locked. A key has a series of notches and the right key will push the pins in a way so that they line up allowing the cylinder to turn and the lock to open. To pick a lock you really just need something molded to have the right notches, to push the pins into the right place. Lock smiths, use picks, which are long and curve up at the end, they reach all the way into the lock and push the pins up." _**(It really isn't that simple cause u need to know where to bend it, but I don't want to go into detail for this:P)**

Now I'm so happy I listen to his babbling! Wow, I have rather good memory! I love my math teacher! Someone remind me to hug him later….okay maybe I won't go that far…I'll just be really grateful to myself!

Okay, so now what do I use to actually pick the lock? Something long, fairly strong yet still allow me to mold it into whatever shape I want, metal preferably.

"_They changed the lock, got a hair pin?" _he's voice whispered in my ear...almost as if he was right there behind me…which was reeeeally creepy but I' not going to argue.

Hair pin! Remind me to thank that little criminal later. How glad I am that I wasn't late today and actually had the time to put up my hair. I took one out, bending it so that it was flat then curved the end up. Now how did he do it before? It looked pretty simple, but looks can be deceiving.

I stuck it in the lock and pushed up...nothing. I turned jingling it around...still nothing.

And they are, they are really deceiving.

I toke it out, trying to reform it into something. I don't know what exactly but hey, I'm desperate here! I kept reforming and putting it into the lock, and reforming it again and again...till, it snapped, right into two…or into…three…

Urg! I took another one out of my hair and tried again...and again...and again.

I moaned...last pin. Please work...please work! I put it in and pushed up...still nothing. I closed my eyes, agitated.

_There were hands straightening out a hair pin and curving the end, it was stuck into the lock and jingled around a bit, then turned it till a clicking noise was heard. The door then swung open._

TURN! I forgot to turn! Stupid! Stupid brain! I put the pin back into the lock pulling up. I paused, praying, before I turned it swiftly to the right, there was a click then the door opened. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

I stepped out into the hallway. Ummm, how do I describe this exactly? .Empty?...scary?...eerie? Okay, I'm just going to concentrate on finding the exit. Okay...okay...which direction? For once I'd like to actually know where I'm going and how to get there not just one or the other.

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

YES! Finally! I knew if I kept circling this place I'd find an exit! Jeez, I don't know how I managed to circle this place for so long and just **now** find doors leading to the outside world but hey, it's my gift to be able to wonder for so long and go just about everywhere but the place I'm looking for.

I hurried over, about to open the door and run to my freedom and home where there was a nice comfy bed waiting for me…ahhh how I miss it already but then I noticed something… it was pitch black out.

I hesitated to go out 'cause well it's dark and scary! But it's not like I could stay in here all night either. I pushed the handle but the door didn't move...locked! Ah! SHOOT! Why me? Why me! Why me? I HATE LOCKED DOORS! I think I'm developing a NEW phobia for them... I've got no more pins...left the one that actually works in that janitor's closet and I have no clue where that is anymore.

Urg! I'm stuck in this stupid place all night **_alone!_** I don't do alone in a big foreign place very well... or a small foreign place…I don't do places I don't know! Ah, flashback of horror films... What am I suppose to do! How could this get any worst! I already spent hours in that closet!

And then….it did get worst…Black...Lights went out….actually they flickered a little then went out just to creep me out even more. Why did I ask that question! It's just like asking for something worst to happen! Did I ever mention I don't like dark! Have I not made that clear enough in the past? Dark, me should never mix! I don't even know the time! I have no clue how many more hours I have left stuck in here! Not that it really matters because I'll be dead by morning! Either there's really a psycho or ghost that's going to kill me or I'll scare myself to death! And people will find my freaked out, frozen stiff, body right here tomorrow.

I sat down in the middle of the hallway, hugging my legs and burying my face into my legs... never realized how cold it was in here. Shudder. The _Sixth Sense_ said that when it suddenly feels cold in a room it means there's a ghost. Wonderful piece of information, don'tcha think? I should stop watching horror films, that's it that's what I've decided if I live I'm never watching another horror film as long as I'm still breathing and can still see and hear.

….hear….speaking about hearing...footsteps...I hear footsteps... getting louder…getting closer…My heart started to beat faster and faster, it feels like it's going to jump right out of my chest. My whole body was tingling, goose bumps, my breathing quickened and my palms became sweaty. I put my hands over my ears and shut my eyes. There's no one there, just my mind playing evil, **evil **tricks on me. There's no one there, just my mind playing tricks on me. There's no one there, just my mind playing tricks on me. There's no one there, there's no one there, there's no one there!

There was a tap on my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my own skin. "Ahhhhhh!"

"Jumpy much?"

Oh god! Thank god…I sighed, trying to calm now. "At least I didn't faint this time." I managed to muster up a response when my voice came back from hiding.

"What are doing still here?"

"I got lost and now the doors are locked, why you here?" I'll stick to that, no way I'm telling him I got locked in a janitor's closet. He'll have a field day and he'd never ever let me live it down.

He shrugged, "Next time you're lost, stay in one place, it makes it easier for someone to find you."

"What? Were you looking for little old me?" I asked, smiling trying to tick him off. Hey, with him if you ever have a chance to get under his skin, jump on it!

"Hn, you wish."

"You're not very fun, you know that?"

"Whatever."

"Whatever, whatever always whatever. Do you ever care about anything?"

He shrugged.

"I'll take that as a no."

"Hey, you're good at the lock-picking thing right?"

"Schools have a security system; police will be here in seconds. Don't think they'll buy your story of 'I got lost for seven hours.'"

"Don't make fun of me!"

"I'm not."

"You're not very nice you know that?"

"Whatever."

"Why does it feel like we already had this conversation?"

He shrugged.

Right cause we did, or something like it. "Waaaait, seven hours? What time is it?"

He pointed to the clock above the door... "Yes, I can really read that in the dark."

"Ten, thirteen. Get yourself some glasses."

God, the number of hours I must have spent in that closet and then roaming the school.

I sighed. "It's dark in here, it's actually kind of cold, I'm tired, I've had a bad day, and I'm going to have to spent the night in the place I probably hate the most in the entire world, can you at least try to be nice? **Try.**"

"Whatever."

"I'll take that as a no...again."

He rolled his eyes...or I think he did, sorta hard to tell. "Come on."

"Where?"

"Unless you plan on sleeping right there by the doors, with the dark scary little noises outside, we better find somewhere else."

"You can't even try a little."

We ended up in the drama room mainly cause it was the only room not locked for whatever reason, but I guess it was good considering the floors were carpeted. This room was even colder though, there were too many windows. I never even knew we had a drama room in this school...

"I'll be right back."

"Where you going?" but it was too late he was already out of the room and into the shadows of the hallway.

I sat there, bobbing my head and shifting my eyes, to left and to the right. Right, thanks for leaving me alone in here. Okay, just concentrate on staying calm. I hummed a little tune...a lullaby I think, how I know it, no clue. The song was working though.

I forgot where I was and concentrated on the twinkling sky instead. I crawled over to the window, hypnotized by the large moon and million of little stars just floating up there. If you think about how huge the universe is, and how there are billions and billions of them out there that make up billions of galaxies, it really makes you feel small, and all problems that occupy the mind just don't seem that important for those moments that you stare out into the endless sky. It's fascinating.

I was so much in a trance I didn't even notice when Blue boy came back. I only realized when I blanket landed on my head. I pulled it off.

"I don't know if you can see from there, but I'm giving you a really dirty look."

"You said you were cold." ...right, so I did. Soooo not use to people actually listening to me especially when I'm just ranting.

"Uhh...thanks."

"Whatever. Go to sleep." He ordered in his usual cranky tone.

"Yes daddy!"

"Don't call me that."

"No need to get grumpy about it."

"I-" he was about to say something, but I guess he concluded it wasn't worth the effort and instead laid down on the other side of the room, turned to face the wall.

There was a long period where all I could hear was the clock ticking and his deep breathing but something told me he wasn't really asleep.

"You awake?"

There was no answer, not that I was really expecting one. I looked around, there was nothing around me. I looked down...my shoes. I shrugged, taking one off and throwing it in his general direction. Missed him obviously, but hit the wall.

"What. Do. You. Want. Now?"

"Just wanted to see if you were awake."

"Go to sleep."

"But I'm not tired daddy."

"I thought I told you to stop that!"

"Well I'll stop when you stop acting like one and stop telling me to sleep."

He sighed. "Then entertain yourself somehow but leave me alone." he pulled the blanket over his head.

I continued sitting there, twiddling my thumbs. It really is cold in here, I wrapped the blanket around myself. Now where do you come by a blanket at school? Oh well, why question it he wasn't going to tell me.

I sighed; the darkness of the night was influencing my mood again, like every night. Things people have said to me always repeat in my head when it's dark out. I have a hard enough time living through it when they first say it but does my brain have to make me relive it? Being about to forget everything seems nice at times….to just not be plagued by voices at night telling me either how stupid I am, or worthless…or _ugly_…

The one line that really stuck in my mind today: _"The ugly with the uglier."_ I don't know why, I shouldn't care what they think but the problem is that I do. I've always cared too much what others thought of me. I know I said that I don't care anymore but it's easier said then done and old habits die hard. And it's not like I can control the fact that I wasn't born some Barbie or whatever. I'm not prefect and I'm not pretty I just wish other people would get that in their heads so I can get it out of mine.

"Ummm...Kai?" I asked kinda unsure…I actually half expected him to like throw my shoe back at me at this point, luckily though he didn't so I'm not totally bad luck.

He growled. Good still awake I see.

"Do you think...ummm...uhh…" how do I say this…without sounding extremely stupid… "DoyouthinkI'mugly?" Riiight that didn't make me sound stupid at all…

A real big part of me didn't expect him to respond or even know what I had just said, I just sort of wanted to ask for the heck of it but for some reason he got what I said and actually did answer. "No." simple and short but I like his answer. :D

"Do you think...I'm pretty then?" Now that may be going a little overboard but okay, why not ask if I already made myself seem stupid. I say seize the moment of stupidity!

"No." How straight forward.

"Thanks, my self-esteem just plummeted some more." …and I didn't think it could drop any more.

"Cute."

"Huh? What did you just say? I'm sorry I thought I just heard the word cute…" but I must be mistaken because Mr. Army boy couldn't possibly have used a word like 'cute.'

He sighed…slashed growled…or something like he really didn't want to repeat himself so he sort of just mumbled really quickly. "You're cute. It's better. Now shut up and sleep." Hehe, its funny how a couple words could make a person feel **so** much better…it's also funny how it could cause a person to smile and not be able to stop…

"Awww! Mr. Grumpy has a heart! Don't try and hide it." But hey like I said, have a chance to get under his skin jump on it because that chance doesn't come often.

"This is the last time I'm talking to you."

"Hehehe," I walked over, kneeing down and poking him in the head, or where I thought his head was under that blanket. "It's sweet."

"..." obviously he doesn't like being sweet.

"...Thanks..."

"Hn, Go to bed now."

o.O.o.O.o.O.o

Warmth...warmth is good. Let's stay by the warmth. Why's it so cold in here? Urg! Stupid Rei! It's winter, would it kill him to leave the heat on! Since when was my blanket this thin! Urg, bed isn't that comfy either, hard. What happened to my soft-soft-like-sleeping-on-a-cloud mattress? Where are my many pillows? And my doll? Don't want to open my eyes; alarm hasn't even gone off yet. Just hug the warmth, the good old warm...warmth thingy...a pillow...or blanket...or something big...and kinda hard.

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!_

Frig! Since when was my alarm so loud?...and since when did it make a ringing sound? I hit the air around me hoping to get the alarm clock, when the ringing stopped; I supposed I finally hit it.

There were many muffled voices now, and they kept getting louder. Jeez, stupid brothers. Be quiet! They kept getting louder and louder. How can seven guys sound so much like thirty guys?...waaait...w-was that a girl's voice I just heard?...many girl voices actually? Giggling too…

"You might want to get up now..." someone whispered into my ear. "...brat." Okay, so not someone, _him_.

My eyes shot up, he was toooo close! I'm not in my bed am I? I'm not in my room, not in my house. It's allllll coming back to me now. I'm at school, lying on the floor, beside...okay closer then beside…_him._ Just...going to...move my hands off of him now. Ha...ha...haha- not funny, not funny at all. Someone shot me!

Oh, god. I don't want to turn my head. There's like three dozen students by the door aren't there? Talking? Whispering? Pointing? Giggling? Oh, my god, I want invisibility back soooo badly! It's true; you only appreciate things once they're gone.

"Ahem." Teacher, I bet you it's a teacher. I bet you anything in the world it's the teacher!

I turned around, looking up, don't look at the students, don't look. No…no teacher…worst…principal! She shook her head, using her finger to gesture us to get up and follow her, to the office most likely. Now would be a good time for a grand piano to fall from the sky and crush me but I guess that only happens in cartoons which sucks cause I can think of hundreds of people that deserve that fate.

"Where were you all night young lady?" my mother's voice boomed.

"Uhh... school?"

"And why were you there?" my father asked.

"Got… trapped." I said not very convincingly… but is there anyway of saying that convincingly?

"God, all we ask of you is to get to and from school everyday on your own, you couldn't even accomplish that." Why thank you mother for pointing that out to me. As if I didn't already know that it's really stupid sounding to get stuck in a school I need you to point it out to me.

"We will talk about this when we get home." My father said, he was always the calmer one.

"We are so sorry if she caused you any trouble."

"Oh, it's okay, though I will be sending her home for the day." the principal said.

"Okay, that's fine." my mother said pleasantly, then starting to speak to me again in a not so pleasant voice. "Straight home and no where else. You see a burning house you just keep walking." with that she hung up.

"Thank for letting us handle this," my father said hanging up too. And all was heard as the beeping sounds of a dead line. Yes my parents were too busy to come down, so we had a telephone conference. Technology, so useful no?

Sent home for a day... that's not considered a suspension, is it? I dunno, too tired to worry about it right now but I sure can use the extra day off from this place.

_"You see a burning house you just keep walking." _Jeez, who says that! Fine, if I pass a lady yelling and pleading for me to go save her little kid and puppy, I'll just says 'Sorry, but my mother told me not to save any burning houses.' and if the kid dies it'd all be my mom's fault! That should make her guilty! Ha, Yeah right.

I packed up all my homework from yesterday and today... went to all my classes and got the homework. Don't even think dorky! I can't afford to miss a single day of work, hard enough keeping up with the lessons. I think the last time I ever missed school was in the second... no third grade when I got the chicken pox courtesy of my adoring brother, Rei.

Slowly I lugged my hundred-ton-weighing bag through the streets to the house.

Yesterday had been a very surprising day... surprisingly.

**You know, ****_skarmory_ mentioned something about not believing in god and it made me realize how many times I actually mention god in this story and to tell you the truth…I have no clue why:P I guess in real life when I'm talking I just say God a lot…lol…can you subconsciously believe in something? Cause I guess I do.**  
Okay, so making this short cause it was waaay too long up there:P….uhhh….hope u…liked?...:D…and….uuuhhh…ummm…let me think…oh yeah that's right…REVIEW!...please of course, no one's forcing u here:P


	11. Connection

**An update:) Finally!...really…I've been wanting to do something so that u ppl didn't think I had been kidnapped or something…if any of u really noticed…haha…doubt it:P….but yeah…updating finally because _Claire_ made me really guilty! Reviews…thanks! SO MANY! –tear- tears of joy I assure u. Also updating because SO's been telling me to for a while…which is usually enough to get me to do it…but for some reason it just didn't this time…haha**

**ANYWAY! Me own…what me own that is all. No more, no less. ME LOVE UR REVIEWS! (nothing to do with anything)**

**Chapter 11 - Connection**

Yay! Getting punished is fun! Cause then you get to say in your room and do nothing! allll weekend long!...well it's not like I really do anything anyways. Not going to those classes though... that was made preeetty clear... when they- and when I say _they... _I mean my mom- yelled over and over the same lines. 'You're never going anywhere ever again!' and '**Right **after school you come home!' 'blah blah blah blah!' As if I didn't hear you the first time! It's weird, when she gets mad she becomes like a parrot, repeating herself till my head's about to explode from the annoyingness. And one of these _conversations,_ that are more like a nuclear war going on (my mom being the United States and me Japan), could last for hours and all that would be heard is her loud... **loooud** booming voice, I think the next door neighbor's heard, heck the whole neighborhood heard! The most annoying part is that there may be instances when you think she's done but the moment you think it's safe to go do something else she starts again! Seriously, enough's enough! If you stop for ten minutes you should just end your rant all together!

Sigh, I've been in this room too long. It's getting to me. Seriously about an hour ago I thought the walls were moving in on me. I am not joking, the room got smaller right in front of my eyes! Also when I laid down on the bed it was like the floors were moving, either that or my head was spinning, I don't know but any longer in this room and I'll start hearing voices telling me to burn the place down.

I want out! I want out! I want out of this prison! Someone come break me out! Of course I could just open the door and step out, but that seems too easy... almost like a trap. Paranoia, gotta fix that problem one day, or at least make it go down from a psychotic disorder to a slight defect in my personality.

Man, its dark in here. I pulled apart the curtains, taking a moment to stare outside; it's amazing these windows don't have bars on them now. The sun shined through but it also seemed to be... raining? I opened the window sticking my hand out... Noooooo, it's snowing!...and I'm stuck in here! The first snow of winter and I'm missing it!

I stuck my head out and caught a couple snowflakes on my tongue. Watery tasting. God, I want to build a snowman or something! Must…resist….urge…to….jump…out…of….window! My pulled my right hand back which was making some sort of creepy attempt of escaping out the window and leaving the rest of me trapped in here.

Leaving the window open, I collapsed onto my bed feeling the cool air rush into the room and hit my body. I closed my eyes…

**---3rd Person's P.O.V---**

Rei wore slightly baggy dark blue pants, a well-fitting white t-shit with a stripped blue unbuttoned dress shirt over it. Simple yet nice. He left the house in a rush, not wanting to keep his precious Mariah waiting. **(haha, Gollum: My precious) **She didn't live very far away and not legally able to drive yet he usually walked over to her place which was a whole lot better then asking someone to drive him and his date someplace as it was usually rather awkward that way especially when it was one of his brothers the worst was Enrique that made embarrassing comments about their relationship and usually hinted to something like sex when he talked to Mariah. Besides he liked the quiet times he spent with Mariah when they walked alone together.

After about a ten minutes walk, he finally made it to her place, earlier then he expected to arrive. He turned into her driveway walking up to her door but before he could knock it swung open.

"Hi Rei!" Mariah's little sister yelled opening the door, she was rather fond of him. "Rei's here! Rei's here!" she chanted while jumping around, like her usually over-energetic-self. She wore a pretty pink dress with a matching bow in her hair, all matching her very well…it reminded him of someone…

"Don't bug him Krissy!" Mariah's voice- I don't want to say screech but it was awfully like a screech- from upstairs.

"I won't bug him! I don't bug him! I don't bug you, riiight!...Reeeei?" she asked with her little puppy dog eyes.

Rei smiled. "Of course not."

A huge smile spread across her face. "SEEEEEEEEEEE!" she yelled up to Mariah.

"Krissy, go finish your juice please." her mother said coming out of the living room to greet Rei. She wore a black slimming dress, her hair put up with two diamond-studded chopsticks. She wore very little makeup, a little around her eyes and some lipstick. She didn't need much. It seemed everyone in this household would be out tonight.

"Okay, mommy!" Krissy yelled louder then she had to as she ran off. Typical little kid, too hyper and too loud.

"Good evening Ms. Mao" he greeted politely. **(yes I know Mao is Mariah's Japanese name…but really I couldn't find a last name so that's it from now on! Humph:P)**

"Hi Rei, nice to see you again." She replied with a smile. "Come sit down, you know how Mariah is, always running late."

Rei sat down on the living room couch, tapping his legs with his hands. Ms Mao had gone to take care of some other things so he was left alone, not for very long though as Krissy came hopping in with her huge smile still plastered on her face. "Play with me Rei!" she exclaimed, seems the juice had made her extra happy.

"Sure, what do you want to play?" He said, knowing Mariah was going to take a while, not that he really minded waiting. I mean good things are worth waiting for, right?

"Ummm...I...like horses! Let's play... horsey! You be the horse!...and I'll be the princess!" she said excitingly clapping her hands together. Well that was a no duh. Krissy was certainly too small to be the horsey and Rei most likely did not want to be a princess.

How he had seen that one coming. "Okay." he said laughing.

"Get down on all fours!"

"Yes, princess." he said, going along with her little game. He got down on his knees and little Krissy climbed up on his back.

"Forward!" she cried, giggling.

Rei crawled around the living room with Krissy laughing away on his back.

"Hooney!" Mr. Mao said in a sorta whiny voice. "I can't get this damn thing on." he said fiddling with a tie.

"Did you say hi to Rei?" Ms. Mao asked from the kitchen. **(gosh, that last name sounds so ridiculous)**

"Hey Rei." he said not really paying attention to him and his youngest child instead he headed into the kitchen.

"A well educated middle-aged man can't even put on a tie." Ms Mao teased.

"It's not my fault they don't teach this in university."

She shook her head as she took the tie, putting it around his neck and tying it properly, and then straightened it out. "There, perfect." she smiled.

"Thanks honey." he said kissing her gently on the lips.

Rei now giving Krissy a piggy back ride and have been doing so for the last ten minutes, suddenly collapsed onto the couch.

"Noo, Rei! Keep going!"

Rei laughed. "Sorry, I'm all worn out."

"Aww! Noo! That's no fun!"

"Let's do something else... something less tiring," he suggested.

"Noooo! I don't wanna!" she whined, pouting as she went to sit on the other side of the couch stubbornly. This was how she was at times, stubborn as a mule. The thing was, Rei always won when it came to kids. Kids just have always loved him.

"Awww, you're not mad at wittle old me are you?" Rei asked, moving down next to her, putting on a fake hurt looking face.

She turned her head away. She tried desperately to keep her sour looking face on. This was sort of their thing, testing each other to see who would give in first.

"Aww, don't make that face. I know something that'll make you feel better..." Rei knew one thing that always turned her frown upside down..."The tickle monster." **(don't tell me that doesn't work...cause it does:P or at least it did on me-.-I'm so ticklish it's not even funny.)**

"Noooo!" she giggled. "Not... fair!... you... can't... do... that!" she said between laughs.

Mariah stepped into the room, wearing a light red dress that was flowy at the bottom and well fitted at the top. It reached to just pass her knees. Her hair was left down, reaching just passed her shoulders.

Rei began to pay less attention to little Krissy, who was laughing so hard she was gasping for air. He seemed to become dazed by Mariah's presence. "You look beautiful..." he whispered.

"Thanks, you don't look so bad yourself." she smiled. "Ready to go?"

He nodded, not taking his eyes off of her.

"No! Rei! Don't leave!" Krissy yelled out, grabbing hold of Rei's shirt, clinging to him with all her might. Sometimes it seemed almost as if Krissy would get jealous when Mariah showed up. Seriously if Krissy was just a little older and Rei was just a little younger, there would be some serious catfight in the family.

Ms. and Mr. Mao came out of the kitchen. "We have to leave now too, Krissy. Say bye to Rei."

"But... but..."

"I'll be back to visit soon." Rei assured her with a smile.

"You promise?" She asked.

"Promise."

"...Okay then,"

Mr. Mao came over and picked her up, she waved good bye as he carried her out to the car.

Mariah put on a long white coat that reached just above her knees and they all exited the house.

Rei and Mariah stood on the driveway watching as the car containing, Ms and Mr. Mao and Krissy drove off. Krissy opened a window yelling "Bye Rei!" one last time.

"I don't get why you said you're sister doesn't like you. You seem like a great big brother; I know my sister wishes you were hers…or her boyfriend…" Mariah commented as she saw the extreme happiness in her sister's eyes and it was all because Rei was there.

He shrugged. That was not a topic he was willing to talk about, even if it was with her. That topic filled his heart with too much…guilt. He blamed himself... he had always blamed himself. Why did it have to be her? Why did he have to leave her that day? Why couldn't he have saved her, then everything would be different... then everyone could be happy and not just acting like they were. He desperately wished he could turn back time and save her. Under his air of confidence, he hated himself. He absolutely despised himself. Underneath everything he was just a scared little boy trying to make things right.

"Shall we go?" he asked shoving the thoughts to the back of his mind where in his mind it belonged. It wasn't like he could really build a time machine, go back and change everything right?

She nodded and they headed off to the restaurant.

As they walked it began to snow out. Mariah looked up and watched the snow fall onto her face. She shiver a little as it got colder out with the snow, she could see her own breath now. She wished she had brought those gloves like her mother had told her.

Rei looked over at her rubbing her hands together for warmth. He put his arm around his waist, clasping his hands around hers, hoping to warm them up a little. "Better?" he asked.

"Much," She answered, resting her head on his chest, feeling secure in his arms.

_I live in a house of misery_

Enrique sat in his room once again. He just didn't feel like going out much anymore. To tell you the truth he didn't feel like doing anything anymore, so he kind of just sat there, day in and day out. He hated this, he was never like this... he was never this weak but he just couldn't shake this feeling... this thing that just consumed him completely. She caused this feeling... this depression?...was it?- No, no it couldn't be, he was strong... a person like him didn't get depressed... didn't get hurt... a person like him couldn't be affected by some girl... but then again he was only human... and she was different, she was almost above everyone else... like an angel or at least to him she was.

What most people didn't realize was that Enrique was a rather complex person. Most people judge a book by its cover so they look at him and just think one of those carefree-well-adjusted-always-happy-people because he always had that goofy smile of his on no matter what happened and he always seemed capable of staying positive. But most people are dumb, they don't realize that these carefree-well-adjusted-always-happy-people aren't really that carefree or happy and adjusted? As if. Most are miserable on the inside, they pretend and bottle everything and are able to socialize but they don't ever really let anyone get to know them... mainly because they don't know themselves. They act normal so well that sometimes they even end up tricking themselves into believing they are something they aren't, into believing that they are happy but in reality they're far from.

This was getting complicated. Did he actually like her? He had to, to be thinking about her this much, to have hurt his sister, the person he had devoted most of his life to protect, to be with her. He kept telling himself that it was just a mistake, just his stupid hormones again but the more he thought about it the less that seemed true. At first he thought these feelings were caused by his sister's words, it sort of was but now he realized it was more then that. He was... in love?... maybe. Love is an interesting thing, as it's able to cause such joy and happiness and then in the next instant there's nothing but devastation and pain. What was it exactly about her that drove him crazy, that causes him to get nervous, that caused his palms to sweat, his ears to burn and his stomach to fill with butterflies. He hated it... yet couldn't get enough of her. Maybe the thing he liked about her the most was that she sort of reminded him of his sister. Not that it really mattered anymore. He ended it and now he just wanted to get over it. Wanted but couldn't because real love never disappears, never goes away. Heartache is forever

_A house of anger, confusion, and despair_

Johnny was once again in a gym, training, beating the crap out of a punching bag while blasting some fight music into his ears. This was what he did often because he was filled with so much rage, and as he grew it seemed to grow, so much that he could hardly control it anymore. This rage couldn't be stopped now; it had become him, this rage that was born the day that _it_ happened, the day where not only his sister's life got turned upside down but his too. The day where the innocence of life and easy-going days of childhood came to an end as he was forced to grow up just a little faster, forced to deal with the stuff happening around him, to be able to understand and take care of the people breaking down around him. The day his perfect family broke... the day he broke and his spirit died.

Even to this day he still wanted revenge, he wanted to hurt the person that did this, he wanted to cause him as much pain as he had caused this family but the fact that he couldn't only made him more angry. Kai had already done it... but he wished he had, had the chance to do it and now he regretted everyday that he hadn't. Regret... possibly the worst feeling ever, to always look back, hold onto the past unable to let go and thinking everyday 'what if?' It could tear a person apart, it _was_ tearing him apart.

It was obviously affecting his life. He couldn't stand people for one thing, didn't trust them... couldn't bring himself too. Always thinking that they'll just end up hurting him or his family so he pushed everyone away, made them hate him because he would act like a jerk, because his anger would take over. Which is why he could never keep a girlfriend for long, if they got too close, knew him just a little or if he actually developed feelings for someone he'd push them away because under the tough persona he puts on he's really just afraid. Terrified of getting hurt because only people you love can truly hurt you. To love someone you have to eventually give them enough information to completely crush you, to make you miserable yet trust them enough to know that they won't. He just couldn't trust someone like that, so he even isolated himself from his family. He built a wall around himself; that even kept out people that loved him. He didn't like this loneliness but he preferred it better then the other option.

_Everyone's fake, no one's happy, pretending to be something their not_

Max sat in the basement, trying to build this new idea of his. This was what he did... or use to. He built stuff that would help with everyday life, like some contraption that put together a drink for you just by pressing a button of some sort, something that automatically opened doors or flipped pancakes for you, just whatever popped into that mind of his. He was surrounded by years and years of his old unfinished inventions that had all been piled up down here but he kind of liked it that way, being surrounded by metal and all that junk. He chewed his gum loudly trying to figure out how to make his thing run properly. He really wasn't getting anything he hadn't really finished building anything in a long time. He had lost all inspiration somewhere along the way... well not just somewhere, _that_ day. The defying day in his life that changed everything. His mind started to drift off topic... into the world of the past. He remembered a long time ago when he was building his very first invention, his sister would be like his little assistant. It was cute, fun... he missed it, it brought a tear to his eye.

Max had turned out a little different from the rest of his brothers. He was a little more on the emotional side, softer. He was secure enough with himself not to be afraid to show a little weakness now and then... and in some way that kind of made him strong; it takes a big person to not be ashamed of crying or asking for help when absolutely needed. The problem with Max was that maybe he was a little too willing to ask for help, sometimes without trying to figure things out for himself, like he gave up too easily now which is why he never finished his own inventions, he could fix stuff but all ideas of his own never got completed. He was definitely smart, capable of figuring out solutions he just doesn't anymore. His little sister was like his inspiration and when she died, so did all willingness to finish anything.

_Everyone's hopes and dreams have long been crushed_

Tala was again on the ice with a hockey stick in his hands. He slammed the puck once again into the net, not that it was difficult considering there was no one at net. He was all alone, the way he liked it. He was a true loner, popular, yet still a loner. Kind, caring, polite yet always distant. Always silent, more of an observer then a talker. Mysterious was what he did best. Being the oldest he was always in command, he always takes the place of their parents when they weren't around which was almost all the time because they started to bury themselves in work, running from reality because they just didn't want to face what had happened. So from that day Tala took charge. He would become a great leader in the future that's certain. Being the oldest gave him a lot responsibility. He cooked, clean, taught everyone how to take care of themselves because he felt like he had to take care of everyone, he was always the most worried or stressed out yet hid it the best. The problem was doing that really left him with no life of his own. His life was his family, in his short seventeen years of life he's gotten something that takes most people their entire lives to understand, that family comes first.

Everyone respected him because he always seemed to know what the right thing was but again people are dumb as the truth was he was just learning as he went along in life. Picking things up and trying to use them, trying to juggle his mess-of-a-life and keep everyone in balance. He lived in a world of confusion and disaster and everyday he'd try and sort through them only to get a ton more things dumped on his shoulders. You could say his work was never really done. The load was so heavy it almost seemed like he carried the world on his shoulders. Failure has never been an option. Mistakes could not happen or at least that's what he kept telling himself…the pressure was getting to him…

_Everyone only wishes for the end, to finally be saved,_

Kai sat in the park, he's favorite place mainly because of the memories it carried. He watched as the last leaves fell from their snow-covered branches and the last flower withered. He was thinking about her again…it was kind of hard not to now-days when he saw her practically everyday.

There was this voice in him, the voice that came from his bitter and grouchy side that was yelling at him to snap out of it and to stop being such a baby and obsessing over a girl that doesn't even remember him but then…there was this other voice…a much louder one that wouldn't shut up about her. 'Remember when she was like this?' 'Remember when she was like that?' It was so irritating yet he didn't want to stop hearing that voice reminding him of how things were. But then he'd remember that it's been eight years…he was gone for eight years…and she just forgets about him! And that's fuel the other voice…but then he'd see her smile…and that thought would melt away…but then…well…you can basically see how his train of thought usually went.

Not today though…today there was only one voice and with that one voice he had decided. He was going to help her remember, no matter what. **(wow…I made my poor Kai crazy…-.-')**

_Only then can happiness finally enter their souls_

Slowly the disease spread….slowly they were all dying and they didn't even know it.

Rei and Mariah both stepped off of the ice rink that was really just a little frozen lake. They decided it was getting late so they'd better be leaving as school did start again tomorrow. So they sat down at a bench and toke off their rented skates.

"I'll be right back," Rei said taking the skates to go return them. He came back a couple minutes later holding a hot chocolate in his hands and handed it to Mariah.

"Thanks." she smiled, taking the cup, its warmth warming up her hands. She drank it quickly, feeling the heat rush through her body. When she was done they got up and left.

The sun was going down, there was only a little light so it was rather cold out now, it was still snowing out too, it had began to pile up on the ground. They walked through the busy streets arms linked in silence, but not an awkward silence. A person really knows that they are comfortable with another when they can be in silence, just enjoying each others company with no pressure to start some sort of conversation. Mariah once again rested her head on his chest and they just walked.

Once on a smaller street, Mariah slipped away from Rei and just as he turned around to see what she was up to a snowball hit him square on the face. Mariah laughed at Ray's cute annoyed looking face that is until a snowball hit her in the neck, some falling into her jacket. "C-c-cool," she whispered as Rei smirked. "You're going to get it Rei!" she cried making another snowball and running after Rei who had dashed down the street. "Get back here!" she laughed.

It continued with them chasing after each other for a good fifteen minutes. Finally both exhausted they called it a truce and collapsed onto a pile of snow. They stared up into the now dark sky, only a couple stars were visible.

They went back to that comfortable silence thing again. Rei held her in his arm again and she placed her head on his chest and rested her arm on his waist.

The only thing that interrupted the silence was Rei's sudden coughing and sneezing.

"Are you sick?" Mariah asked, worried, putting her hand on his forehead.

"No..." he answered kind of absent mindedly. This was different. He remembered this had happened before... last time was in the third grade. It was like he had the symptoms of a sickness yet wasn't actually sick... no but someone was, he knew it... _she_, his twin, was sick there was no doubt about it.

"Are you sure?" Mariah asked, as Rei was acting weirdly, his eyes were looking to the bottom right like he was remembering something or trying to.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look it."

"I'm fine," he repeated, rolling on top of her and kissing her, partly to get her to stop worrying and partly just because he wanted to. One hand was on her waist the other supported her head. **(interesting... on the streets, why am I witting this?-.- moooving on:P)**

**---Normal P.O.V.---**

I shivered as a real cold gush of wind hit my skin waking me up. Sooo cold, I sneezed once...then once more. I pulled the blanket I was lying on over me but it was also freezing cold so didn't help much in making me warm. Slowly I opened my eyes, it was now dark, no sun shined in from the outside. I looked at the clock, nine thirty. God, I slept for like the whole day. With the huge cold blanket draped over me, I got up dragging some of the blanket on the ground as I made my way to the window.

Wow, must of snowed a lot... there's a small pile of snow building on the floor. Do I really want to clean that up now?...Nah, maybe later.. I shut the window but the room was still freezing. I sneezed a couple more times; my throat seemed to hurt a little more every time I did. My nose began to run and I sniffed. I couldn't breathe out of one nostril. How annoying, I laid down as the room really began to spin now and my head ached, especially my eyes that pained when opened. It was even harder to breathe now that I was lying down but I couldn't get up the strength to stand back up either. Great.

God, am I dying? Sure felt like it.

**OMG! …don't yell at me because it sucks….seriously…I couldn't even re-read this whole chapter…but the parts I did read I was like "Who wrote this?" and "I did NOT write this crud!"…but unfortunately I did….haha…I don't know…It didn't have anything to do with anything there was too much mushy kissing…and it's interesting how the kissing continues next chapter…and not even well because I don't know how to write junk like that…but after that I assure u we'll be getting to the…I guess the "climax?" of the story and I can stop with this stupidity. But…yeeeah…took me quite awhile to update…I'd like to say it was because of school and blame it all on that and on all the hw…but really there wasn't much-.-'….I just…I dunno…got really tired…in the morning, at night, during the day…it's like sleeping through ur days…day after day the same thing and it just gets so automatic and boooring!…that…it's likeI wassleepyeven after doing nothingand I didn't feel like writing…but I am totally awake now!...well…close enough:) so yes! R&R…and I can reassure u next chapter…will b edited while I'm fully awake! **


	12. History Repeats Itself…Just In Twisted W

**Hi all! Tis me! A month and a half later with a crowd of really annoyed ppl staring back at me! (that would be you, the readers…and if u don't have a annoyed expression on then…huggle! I MISSED YOU!...and if you do…then sowwie…and a huggle too!)…lol…well….ummm…yeah…I'm having trouble writing, even though I know what's going to happen…isn't that stupid? Well here's another pointless filler. Enjoy the totally not not unsmart chapter! (I really don't even know what I wrote there. Did I say it was a smart chapter or not? Cause I meant not:P)**

**Disclaimer: I own EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING! MWahahahahahaha….no. I own only what I own and not what I don't. That means freedom for all!...(but the ppl I have kidnapped and are currently tied up in my room…:D)**

**Chapter 12 – History Repeats Itself…Just In Twisted Ways.**

"ACHOO! ACHOO!" ahhhhhhhhhhh...I think I'm gonna start coughing up blood soon... seriously feels like the tissues in my throat are being torn apart little by little with every sneeze and cough. I'm slowly killing myself, or at least the stupid part of my brain that's making me cough and sneeze is slowly killing me... or is it the germs I should be blaming? Whatever, stupid conversation right there.

At least I haven't been to school in a while. Already missed a week and a half, which is especially good news since I'm supposedly a none-virgin now. I hate the person that started that rumor. I hate that person with a passion! You know you fall asleep just once in an unsupervised school next to a sorta hot dude (when he's not being a total ass) and that's what people immediately assume. Hello! I still had clothing on! And I didn't think people in this school cared all that much about who was what considering just about all of them have done... that. See I can't even think the word and people expect me to have done it? Idiots, each and every single one of them... but I guess idiots need to be kept entertained. Ignoring them is the only solution I have... but everyone out there should know that, that doesn't work and people who tell you that as a solution have obviously never been picked on or else they'd know it's just not that easy.

Urg! Can't breath; now I remember why being sick is a bad thing! Tissues? I looked around... ahhh, alll the way on the other side of the room! How'd it get there? Someone's playing a nasty trick on me!

I got up, leaning against the wall slowly trying to make my way there which was a little difficult as my eyes currently sting like heck and my visions kept blackening as my head seemed to be spinning uncontrollably. Almost felt like I was on an amusement park ride that spins around and around. The puking sensation was definitely there. It was somewhere in the middle of where my bed was and where the tissue box was when I felt like I was going to faint and really couldn't go any further, couldn't get back to my bed and couldn't get to the tissues.

Ah, I don't need either of them! I collapsed onto the floor still clutching my blanket around me with one hand with a pillow in the other. The only things I need. I slowly curled into a nice warm ball.

Just let me die already.

Rei suddenly stormed into the room, bringing a gush of wind with him. I didn't even hear him coming in advance as I usually did. I'm so out of it.

"Ahh!...c-c-c-cold. S-Sh..ut the door." my voice came all crackly as my throat is extremely sore.

"Are you kidding? It's boiling in here."

I coughed a couple times, clearing my throat a little so that my words actually sounded like words. "H...hello. Sick girl here."

"Uh-huh.." he said not really caring as he looked around, picking up some of his clothes and other things as he wasn't sleeping in here while I was sick. "Just get better soon, I want my room back."

"Your room?" I sat up asking. Ah…not a good idea…not a good idea at all. Diiiiizzy….

"Yeah, my room." he said about to leave.

"W-wait...p..pass me the...the tissue box."

He rolled his eyes, picking it up and throwing it in my direction then slammed the door shut causing another cold breeze to hit me.

The box hit me on the head then fell onto my lap. Thanks, you're so helpful. I hugged the box and laid back down on the floor. This is torture. I'm dying, I knew it!

You know, when you're sick it really leaves you nothing else to do besides lay there and think. Thinking is bad thing, a really, really bad thing for me. I am not a positive person; I'm a total pessimist no doubt about it and when you leave a sick pessimist alone for so long in a dark room, good thoughts do not come. Like love. What the heck is that? Why am I thinking about this? …Possibly because I like to make myself sad. A part of me likes to feel down, likes to put myself in that mood and keep myself there. Another reason why I could never be happy.

The subject of love brings me down oh so well too.

Someone meant for me will never come along it's just not how it works. There is not such guy as Prince Charming or a Knight in shinning armor. Fairy tales, all just made up fictional characters in Walt Disney movies… I do wish I was in a fairy tale though; bad things may happen but at least I'll know for sure everything in life will work out for the best. In real life things never just work themselves out, no you have to do something, no one will save you, no Prince on a white horse will come riding to your rescue and save you from all your troubles. No, in real life you are all alone. It's you against well…everything and everyone. Stand up tall on your own or crumble to the ground both ways it's just you and your shadow. Or at least it's like that in my case.

There's the lucky and the unlucky. I fall into the condemned.

Life sucks, people suck. Everyone should just rot in a hole… I want to go rot in a hole. Just die, end this pointless life. I'm nothing anyways, a speck of dust, dirt, totally useless, a waste of good flesh and blood. I get in the way that's all I'm good for. People would be better off without me. God should just strike me down; end this miserable life of mine… I should just do it… I mean you want something done, do it yourself, right? Who's going to miss me? Who's going to care… Bet they won't even notice…No one cares about me…I don't even care about myself…

Just do it… Just get it over with…

Urg…why does this always happen? Get depressed, get depressed, and get depressed some more! Is there anything else to this life? I need to just stop thinking…just stop…stopstopstop!… calm down… just need to calm down. Nothing idiotic needs to be done here.

I grabbed a sheet of paper lying on the floor and began to scribble things down like madwomen. The one and only good thing about feeling down is that just about everyone becomes inspired, whether to write a book or a poem or just to draw. You just become more…artistic…

_**Dying**_

_My hatred is never ending  
__My anger powers me  
__Sadness runs through me  
__Joy and Happiness no longer reflect in my eyes...  
__My eyes, the windows to my soul, are now dark...empty  
__My mind is surrounded by darkness with only confusion and temptation to accompany it.  
__My heart is damaged, bruised but not broken  
__Hidden under a fortresses of ice sealing itself away  
__Casting away all the hurt and pain caused by others  
__Waiting...hoping for someone worthy to set it free **(u no this poem was actually supposed to play a role in the plot...but now i'm not sure how to do that...lol...)**_

I sighed. Getting feeling down on paper always made me feel better. It cleanses me somehow…not for very long though. I'm really getting quite a big collection of these poems, but then again I'm betting there are some people who have a lot more. Life just does that to people.

This is what I meant before. The other me, the one that lives and feeds off my pain and suffering. This is what happens when I get left alone for too long. This is what happens every night when people go to bed. This is what I become…partially suicidal, for no reason it just happens. It's ridiculous really, to get depressed for no reason, just out of nowhere. I actually hate people like that, that just get sad because and I just so happen to be one of them. Great, no?

My mood just plummets, I can't explain it but it leaves this unsettling feeling in my stomach that makes my mind go mad. Thoughts, memories hundreds flash though my head not all of them are bad but they all leave me with the feeling of emptiness because those people in the memories, the good times, the laughter they're all gone now. It's almost as if I'm suppose to be like this, almost as if god wants it this way… but I know that's ridiculous because god has much better things to do with his time.

God…god…Why do I always bring up god? It's not really like anyone can prove he exists…or even whether he is a he or a she. How do I really know? What makes me always call out his name? Curse him when I'm mad yet pray to him when I'm in need? Even if on some off chance he did exist and there really is some divine spirit that watches over us, what makes me think out of all the abused, starving, dying children out there, he's going to help me?

People die everyday, good or bad, it's obvious that he can't save everyone and some people are just meant to die, or they slip through the cracks.

Death shouldn't be something big, it's just something that happens and I'd be glad to just let it happen if I wasn't scared of it. True, I realize that I wish that I could just die about…a hundred times a day but that doesn't exactly keep me from fearing it.

I guess what scares me the most is not knowing what's next…I've always wondered about that, about if there is such thing as an afterlife? I mean it's almost a ridiculous concept, life after death? If you die you die right? How could you continue living?

There are so many possibilities, I wonder about them so much yet I know I'll never find out in this lifetime, I'd have to die first. There could be a heaven and a hell but there's an equal chance that there could be nothing. That's what scares me the most, the fact that there's nothing. Never seeing anyone ever again, you forget everything and everyone and everyone forgets you…then what? Forever of absolutely nothing? Darkness? Loneliness? Who knows? At least in this life I know what's awaiting me, it may not be good, I may not be happy with it but at least I know. **I was thinking about this and the forever nothing thing…and I really got into what forever meant…and it scared the heck outta me! Just think about being alone forever**

There's also that possibility of hell that may freak me out a little at times…and the devil….but then again there are so many different religions and believes…who knows which is correct…hey they could all be wrong.

Somewhere along the way I figured out that…I don't really know much about any religion…or follow the traditions of any…so does that make me atheists?...but then again I do think I believe in god…most of the time…so I can't be…and if I believe in god…does that mean I have to believe there's a devil?...I mean the bad people have to go somewhere right? There needs to be a balance in everything that is about the one thing I'm absolutely sure about. The world can not exist without balance, for life there needs to be death…right?

Oookay, who cares? Dumb questions brought to you by total boredom and isolation for the world that actually has interesting things to talk about.

I sort of just want to get better now. I need human contact, even if those humans are evil and vile, hateful and mean and a bunch of other things.

You know I'm always just sitting and thinking and thinking and thinking and all that ever brings is more questions so maybe if just stop thinking so hard I'll actually get some answers.

I was going to test that theory but it wasn't long till I was interrupted by finally a visitor, a new face, someone I can exchange fruitless words with for a couple minutes before I'm left in the dark again alone. Like before I didn't hear them coming again…the door just swung open…hard…if I wasn't dying I normally would have jumped and fallen out of my bed…if I was lying in my bed that is.

Well…look who it is, my partner in the drama classroom catastrophe of 2005 stood in front of me, towering over my body that was currently in the fetal position. And if you can't figure out who I'm referring to…well…then…WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?

I looked at him…and he kept staring with his violet eyes…violet why does he get violet eyes and I get brown? How is that fair? Riiight…I tend to do this when I'm bored, notice the totally small insignificant things. Anyway, we're not playing the staring game again.

"Yes, okay. So I'm lying on the floor. I know I'm an idiot. Ha, ha, ha, ha." Usually, here would be the point where I add in 'Now leave' but I sort of didn't want him to. I need human contact!

"You're right, you're an idiot… but what I wanted to say was what the hell happened to you?"

"How nice. Do people in this house not know how to be nice to a sick girl dying on the floor!"

He rolled his eyes sitting down next to me with his legs crossed.

"Well why don't you go ahead and make yourself comfortable." I said but I'm guessing he could tell I meant something more like 'What are you doing?' 'What do you want?' and 'When are you leaving?'…'when are you leaving?' because I **just** remembered, he annoys me.

But I'm guessing he just didn't feel like answering me…as usual and instead held out two pills in his hand and a couple of water in his other.

"I chose the red pill. Now what exactly is the Matrix?"

"What the hell are you babbling about?"

"…You've never seen The Matrix?"

"Does it look like I have?"

"Wow, you are a party pooper."

"Just take your damn pills."

"Since you asked so very nicely." I took the red one swallowing it and washing it down with the water. "Hey, where's my normal _care_giver?"

"What?" he said still in his bitter old voice, lighten up a little at least. Jeez, I'm not even being mean to him…just overly happy…for some reason…

Have you guys ever had a person in your life where the moment you see them, you just get really happy or hyper for not particular reason. It doesn't even have to be the person you like or want to marry or whatever (because I definitely do not want to do any of those things with him). It's just that when you see them no matter what mood you're in, you just suddenly feel yourself smiling, full of energy and talking at about a hundred words per second even if your not one that talks much. Well I think that's he's that person in my life…and I don't know why. It kind of scares me because I don't even know him. Maybe he invokes this feeling in everyone he's around, that would explain why he's so popular…but I don't know.

"You know, Johnny, reeeally tall, red hair, heck-of-a-temper. The person you people send in here once a day to shove pills down my throat."

He shrugged…then silence. Though he seemed to be glaring at me... he was really good at that, a true art, sometimes you can actually see those red vain thingies in his eyes that only come out when most people are about to lose control...or when people have already snapped, went on a killing spree and then are declared as too-insane-to-understand-what-they-were-doing at their trial. I wonder when he really gets ticked off does he grow a couple feet taller, even bigger muscles, turn green and become the new Hulk? Ummm…green doesn't really suit him though…maybe blue considering he loves it so much.

"What?"

"Can you not count? There are two pills, you ate one." He said like I was a little child that has not yet learnt to count.

"I know that! I'm not a little kid! I just don't like that one!" well that didn't sound childish at all…insert rolling of eyes…

"'I just don't like that one'? Are you sure you're not a little kid? One that still needs to be changed and needs a nap time every couple hours?"

"I'm so tired of this arguing thing-" mainly because I can never win. "-Their just sleeping pills, I don't need them."

"You're supposed to take them." He said, his tone not changing. Obviously he paid no attention to the part where I said 'I **don't** need them.'

"You know people say that taking sleeping pills can cause you to have a higher risk of getting cancer." I stated as-a-matter-of-fact.

"That's only if you take them a lot."

"Yeeeah, but why risk it? And anyways those things taste icky!"

"You're right, you're not a child. You're a baby."

"Yuuuup." I said with a smile. Hey, if you can't beat 'em, annoy 'em.

"I see why Johnny had to shove these down your throat."

Ignore. "I'll fall asleep eventually on my own."

"Whatever." He said putting it back in its bottle and leaving the bottle next to my head before getting up and leaving.

Well that conversation lasted longer then any I've ever had with him. I think he may actually be loosening up. I mean like…two weeks ago when I meet him, he would have left halfway through that last conversation. Not that it matters…

I picked up the bottle. Benzodiazepines, it read, what a long word. I rolled them under Rei's bed. Don't need them, depressants. Why would someone voluntarily take depressants? The world has enough things to bring you down; life is like a depressant all on its own. I think I'm depressed enough so thank you very much I'll fall asleep on my own.

I hate that feeling it leaves me with anyway, it works but it's like your slowly being pulled to sleep. You have no choice in the matter and it gives me this worrying feeling. It makes me so tired I feel as though I'll never wake up again, that the plain white ceiling is the last thing I'll ever see…It's… disturbing.

_A six year old little Cecilia stumbled through the hallway; she attempted to balance out all the things she was holding in her little hands. She had a dopey smile on as she looked down at her feet as she wasn't able to see past all the junk she was currently holding._

"_Slow and steady wins the race." She whispered a word of advice to herself. _

_Finally making it to the end of the hallway, she desperately tried to knock but with no free hands instead she kicked the door twice with her feet. She listened attentively for an answer._

_A huffed "Come in." was heard and Cecilia's smile widened._

_Again her hands were useless to her so she used her elbows trying to turn the knob about two minutes later it finally turned and she was able to push the door open. _

_She tried to be careful as she made her way across the room that was cluttered with stuff. She stepped over all the clothes and toys and random pieces of food but being her she obviously tripped once, which almost cause everything in her hands to fall and go flying across the room but luckily someone gave her a little hand._

"_Be careful." The words were said more in a caring manner then an order. The voice came from a person that was presently preventing Cecilia from falling to the floor face first._

_She smiled at him but then shook her head in disapproval. "AH! You're not supposed to be up! You're sick!"_

"_I'm fine." he rolled his eyes at how frantic she always got, he wasn't a fragile little doll, he wasn't going to fall to pieces from a little cold._

"_No you're not! Get back in bed. Look you're all red and your eyes are all big and icky and swelly looking. And you got thinner then the last time I saw you-"_

"_I just saw you this morning…"he said in an annoyed sort of tone…at least it was an annoyed tone to the untrained ear…no he couldn't be annoyed by her, he just always made it seem that way._

"_Exactly! By tonight you'll be so thin I won't be able to see you at all!" Now anyone that knew her would know she wasn't saying that as a joke in her very weird processing brain she believed it. Somehow she'd pull the strangest of strange theories out of that little brain of hers._

_The two-toned haired boy knew this, knew that once something got into that thick head of hers it would refuse to leave so he sighed, giving up and crawling back into bed. _

"_Good." She said placing the stuff onto the table next to his bed. Then she grabbed a chair and sat down. _

"_What is all that?"_

"_Stuff I brought to make you feel better."_

"_The doctor that came by said I'll be fine soon."_

"_That's what he said last week and look! You're still in bed."_

_He shrugged; there wasn't much he could do about it._

"_Okay, so let's see what I've got…ummm…here we go." She said picking up a wet towel and putting it on his forehead._

_He watched her confused to how this was helping._

"_I don't know…I saw it on a TV show once but the person got better the next day!" she answered his unasked question; she was good at that…she had to be with the amount of talking he usually did. This was a good day, he was actually talking._

"…_I think it's supposed to be a hot towel."_

"_But you're already so hot, a cold towel will balance you out and make you warm so you'll be all better!"_

"…"

"_Well it doesn't matter. My mommy usually makes me soup when I'm sick. I wasn't really sure what she used but this looks the right color! I made it allll on my own." She smiled proudly. "Try it."_

_He was a little hesitant to try the suspicious looking soup but it was her that was asking him to after all so he quickly toke a sip._

_It's hard to describe to you what it tasted like, think of lipstick crushed up and mixed with some ketchup then add sewer water and you've pretty much got it._

_He tried to keep the disgusted look off his face. _

"_Is it good?" she asked watching him force himself to swallow the thing._

_He made an 'hmm' noise and nodded not wanting to open his mouth and risk vomiting the horrid mixture out._

"_Yay! I wasn't sure what it was going to taste like. I tried it and it tasted fine but people always say I have weird taste buds or something, whatever that means…but Yay! You like it!"_

"…"

"_You gonna finish the whole thing?"_

"_I…umm…can't?"_

"_Why?"_

"_Cause…ummm…the doctor said if I eat too much…my stomach will explode?" he said not really believing the things that were coming out of his mouth._

"_Reeeeeeeally?"_

"_Uh….huh?"_

"_Well okay then." She said putting it away. "Let's see what else…Oh right. Medicine. Sick people must take medicine!" she said handing him two pills, one blue and the other white. _

"_I already took medicine…"_

"_But this is better!" _

_She looked at the pills…then her twinkling little eyes. He was going to regret this but still he took them and shoved them into his mouth. "This…" he began sucking on it…a little...actually quite worried that it was some sort of poison but then came to realize that it wasn't. "This is just candy…"_

"_Yup! The best medicine of them all! Candy makes the world go round! Now here!" she said taking the pillow she brought with her and handed it to him._

_He looked at it suspiciously. "I…already have pillows."_

"_Yeees, to lie on. You huge this one, it's what I do when I get sick." _

_He nodded slowly, still not getting the point but going along with it anyway. _

"_Now you need to sleep. Lots and lots of sleep!" she smiled again, it was something she just couldn't help. She sat there watching his violet eyes slowly get tired until they finally shut._

_Cecilia got up from her chair and took the towel off, she kissed him quickly on the forehead the placed the towel back on._

"_What was that?..." he asked drowsily._

"_I dunno, it's what the girl did on TV when they guy fell asleep. You're supposed to be a sleep. You're wrecking it!"_

"_Uh…huh." He replied finally drifting off into his own world._

"_Nighty night…Kai-kun…."_

"Kai-kun?" I repeated. What kind of screwed up dream was that? I didn't even know him then…and I called him Kai-kun? And kissed his forehead…ewwwww! This is proof, I spend way too much time with him!…Ewwww! And I'm the one sick here not him! Pfft, stupid screwed up brain of mine…

Urg…great just fell asleep and this darn dream wakes me up…

…

EWWWWWW!

* * *

**3rd Person's POV**

Memories…they played back in his head way to often. It was almost haunting yet he didn't want to forget. He could never.

He remembered that day that seemed to be forever ago where she took care of him when he was sick…of course all that stuff cause a huge stomachache for him later that night but by the next he was all better…he never really knew if it was all that stupid stuff she did…but he liked to think so at times…

Kai ran his hand through his double-colored-hair, stressed and frustrated. That girl! Could she not take a hint? A huge hint, like a bomb shell. Okay, so it was only considered a bomb shell to Kai but hey it is something big for him, Mr. emotionless, Mr. I'm-too-good-to-talk-to-you.

Now tell me who wouldn't want Kai to bring them medicine when their sick? Even if he's a little grumpy while doing it. At least he came right?

"You just need to spell it out for her…she's a little…umm…dense…you know that." Rei said slowly picking out the right words to describe his sister.

"A little?"

"Okay, so a lot."

"And I wonder whose fault that is."

"Jeez, the appreciation I get. She's still breathing isn't she?"

He rolled his eyes. "Great job."  
Kai walked past her room pacing back and forth again and again. To enter or not to enter that was the question he hated the most.

After a little while he finally mustered up the strength (-cough- courage) to open the door basically by applying reverse psychology on himself and calling himself a chicken. Funny how the mind works or how he's mind worked.

When he walked in she was sleeping but now it seems she had made her way onto her bed. Kai hovered over her, watching her. She was rather pale but her nose was extremely red bring out the Rudolph effect. She slept hugging her pillow.

He carefully pulled up a chair but the little noise it made woke her. What a light sleeper.

She opened her eyes a little, to open them all the way would have burnt too much. "Kai…? You still here?" she asked drowsily. "Or am I dreaming again?"

Dreaming about him? That's was interesting but he didn't say anything.

"Don't you have a home of your own?"

"…."

"What's wrong with you? Where are all your insults? Your witty remarks?" she yawned, waking a little more.

What to do? What to say? This was a first, he was at a lost for words. This never happened, he's chosen not to speak before but to not have anything to say when he did want to talk was not right, it was just plain wrong. Well Kai was always more of an actions speak louder then words sort of guy. So what action did he need to take at this time?

It was at this time that a rather…delightful thought popped into his head. Yeees, something rather fun…

Kai slowly leaned in. He's hands were placed on either sides of her head a) so that he could support himself over her and b) more importantly so that she couldn't get away.

He continued moving closer, taking his time mainly to see her facial expression. He watched her scared and afraid and confused face. He could tell exactly what she was thinking. Something along the lines of 'What the hell is he doing? Too close! Too close for comfort!' he laughed inwardly at the thought. He liked to watch her panic, like a true stalker.

He stopped when their noses touched; it was actually her that closed up the space which surprise him and herself but hey who wouldn't? For the first time she looked actually looked into his eyes and she couldn't control herself, they drew her in. Their lips meet in a short yet sweet kiss. **sry ppl this is not something I write…maybe that's a sign from whoever telling me not to write about these things…but sry I don't listen to wat other ppl say…and I needed to fill in some time…-.-) **

Her face was flushed; her eyes open wide now and mouth slightly dropped. Her mind was blank. Surprised about his actions or hers? Maybe a little bit of both.

Kai knowing her all too well knew she'd have nothing to say to that so he left her in her own confusion. He suddenly didn't feel so stressed or frustrated. He was actually quite amused. This would be interesting. He liked it better when she was the one panicking and not him.

* * *

**Normal P.O.V.**

It was sort of like a twisted version of my nightmare. Someone up there really has one messed up sense of humor.

Ah, dang him. Can't get his stupid face out of my mind now! Why didn't he just go home! Why did he have to come back in here? I'm never going to sleep now… I'm going to be playing that one moment over and over in my head till the day I die, wondering about why the hell I moved my head forward. That ass!…there goes that none-swearing-thing…whatever it was stupid anyway.

He probably wasn't going to kiss me, probably just wanted to make me nervous…Now I feel like a complete fool. It's actually happened. I've become even dumber then before. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why the freaking hell did I move in? I need a time machine...someone build me a time machine…someone? Anyone? I'm begging you here!

This isn't supposed to happen. It isn't supposed to be this way! I'm supposed to never like anyone and be m-… and be miserable? Is that what I want? Why is that the thing I always think when something good- not saying that this current event was good but in general when something kind of good happens to me I immediately pull the negative out of it or what bad things could come out of it. I never just stop and enjoy the good thing… It's not that the world won't let me be happy; it's that I'm incapable of being happy…

Naaah, the world hates me which is why it decides to embarrass me every chance it gets.

What's going to happen when I see him next? If I'm lucky I'll fall down, hit my head on something and fall unconscious before he gets the chance to laugh at me.

Luckily I'm still sick…waaait I haven't coughed in awhile, my eyes don't hurt anymore and I can breath. Shit! I'm better…

SICK, TWISTED HUMOR!

"Get up." Rei yelled pulling my blanket away.

"Ah…wha?" I opened my eyes as something got stuffed into my mouth. "What the hell?"

"Keep it in there." Rei ordered as I was about to remove the thing. "Hope you're better already I'd like my room back." Rei snatched what I know realize to be a thermometer out of my mouth and read it. "98. something. Close enough. Get out of bed, you're going to school."

"What? No…no… I'm still sick." I pretended to cough a couple times.

"You're a bad liar and the thermometer doesn't lie. Get up."

"Noooo! Rei! Let me stay home! Please! Please!" I begged holding onto his arm.

"What is wrong with you?" Rei asked shaking my hand off.

"I don't want to go to school."

"And since when is that news?"

"No, I **really** don't want to go."

"That's your problem."

Figures. Why would he care? Off to my doom! Woohoo!

After very slowly brushing my teeth and changing I picked up my bag and hauled it down the stairs. I slipped on my shoes and opened the door about to take off full speed to school when...

"Cecilia, get in here. Eat and then go." my mom said spotting me.

"Damn."

"What was that?"

"Nothing, I'm coming." I moaned kicking off my shoes. This is going to be one looong day.

I stood by the door only sticking my head out to scan the room.

Rei on the phone, one guess, Mariah. Max…eating bread top off with way too much sugar for his own good. Tyson, eating…well…everything quite frankly. Johnny eating silently in his corner. Tala playing hockey with a pencil, a penny, and the pepper and salt shakers as the net. Enrique… Enrique… I don't really give a damn what he's doing. Actually I sort of do. I don't know anymore. I haven't talked to him or even had eye contact in the longest time. I'm not sure if I'm mad at him or he's mad at me because he hasn't so much as even tried come near me.

It's been very weird in this house lately, almost as if people couldn't decide whether they hated me or not. Maybe I'm just someone they love to hate.

Wait…waaaiit just one darn minute!…I JUST noticed something…he's not here…unless he's somehow camouflaging with the walls he is not here!

I stumbled into the kitchen taking the only seat left. I looked around as people ate minding their own businesses.

"So...umm…Where's Kai?" I asked to everyone and anyone that was willing to answer me, which was no one.

My mom placed a plate of eggs in front of me and I asked again. "Where's Kai?"

Still nothing and yet if I was to come in and fall flat on my face then they'd notice. What's with that? Do people only pay attention when I'm making a fool out of myself?

Someone. Answer. Me.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. "Mom, I went out yesterday and I accidentally shot this dude with this gun I found on the streets and I don't know what happened to the dude because I ran away but I think the police are after me now."

"Sorry, did you say something Cecilia?"

I sweatdropped. "Yeah, where's Kai?"

"Sick, guess he caught your fever."

"HA! Serves him right for kissing me! I've decided the whole thing is his fault!"

"Kiss?" Rei repeated my word almost as if it's the most shocking thing to ever have happened and dropped the phone into his cereal, while Max spat out the orange juice he was currently drinking.

"Ops? Did I say that out loud?... ha. Ha…hahaha." I laughed awkwardly. "It's nothing! Just some silly dream! Hahaha….okay, well got to get to school. Thanks for the eggs mom; I'll eat it on the way to school. Byeeee!" I yelled seriously already halfway down the street.

* * *

**3rd Person's P.O.V.**

"A kiss? You know there's a big, a **huge** difference between telling a girl how you feel and kissing them! Especially when it's done in the middle of the night to a sick girl that can't defend herself!"

"Calm yourself Rei. You're acting as if Kai some kind of rapist." Max said trying to clean up the mess he made on the table.

"He's just as good as one!"

Johnny rolled his eyes. "You're overreacting."

"Am I? Am I really?"

"Yes, yes you are." He said annoyed at the fact that he had to repeat the question twice. "Don't ask the same question twice, it's idiotic."

"Well Tala, what do you think about this?"

Tala stay silent for awhile before speaking. "…I think that it's Kai, better him then some guy we don't know."

"I say better no one."

"I say you better call your girlfriend back before she thinks you hung up on her," Johnny brought up just to get Rei to shut up.

"Ah! Damn!" Rei quickly picked up the phone from the cereal and frantically tried to check if it still worked.

This was an…interesting development.

Kai laid in bed coughing and sneezing, it had been so long since the last time he had gotten sick. Now he remembered how much it sucks.

The great Kai Hiwatari was not supposed to get sick...well anymore. He was supposed to be stronger then that now! He sat in bed with annoyed expression on his face obviously no longer that amused.

**Yeah okay so don't give me that look. (What look? I don't know. I'm foretelling the future here and the reactions you guys had to this chapter…and well…blah) Okay, so ummm…don't give me that look! –cries-…but I do promise u this is the last stupid chapter! I grantee it! Just stick around for at least the next chapter! -whispers- the story actually goes somewhere next chapter…lol…like I'll stop saying '_it_' cause I do realize now the errors of my ways and that saying '_it'_ over and over again does get irritating. I mean how many of you are like 'JUST TELL US ALREADY!' yes I'd be like that too:P So see ya then?...lol…whenever then is…but if I seriously can't write another chapter…in the next two weeks…I'm just gonna update anyway…lol**

**Well I hope you all live well and prosper till next time!**

**On a random note, _Claire_ my birthday was also on the 24th of October! I turned 7 and a half!  
****SO: -cough- 15! –cough- **


	13. Most Memories Are Best Forgotten

**MERRY WHATEVER-IT-IS-THAT-YOU-CELEBRATE:D (and for those that don't celebrate anything…then I just wish u happiness!)Yes, I do realize I said that I would update like two weeks ago…but well…I know it's no excuse but I was actually busy…not busy-busy-running-in-every-direction-like-a-mad-women kind of busy. Just had stuff to do…for once. I don't like having things to do…I like doing nothing during the weekends. It's fun! …Well anyway I got around to it didn't I:P **

**Tis the season to be happy!...mainly just because there's no school…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own that which I have not claimed to own in the past, in the future or now. **

**Chapter 13 – Most Memories Are Best Forgotten**

I sighed; I had missed so much in school, all my courses have moved onto a different unit that's the bad part about having a semestered year, things move much quicker. What sucks even more is that I missed tests so I'll have double the usual amount to make up for them.

School life is so screwed up now, not that it wasn't to begin with. People know me, like know my name and all that junk, I exist to them now but it's so incredibly stupid. I'm popular for being a loser and a slut…which is both interesting and highly idiotic.

You know what I wish? I wish I was a guy. Okay, I'm not a transvestite or a lesbian, not that there's any problem with people that are like that, it just that guys don't seem to pick on people as much, well at least no guy has ever come near me or made fun of me, besides my screwed up stalker maniac. They all don't seem to notice me and that's sort of better then being picked on, right? I don't know I'm just getting kind of sick of this, getting used to it but still sick of it.

I still can't make peace with Britney, I can't even get near her actually, she's back with the popular group but it's not exactly the same. She's not on the top of the food chain in fact I think she's worst off then me, she's like their lackey, only existing to do things for them and to get made fun of. I can't believe it's the same Britney that used to seem so strong and unbreakable. I did that to her…I broke her and I'm sorry, so sorry. How do you fix something like this? How do you make things right again?

I don't know…I really feel like I have to make it right with her…I need a second chance…but then again I don't really even believe in second chances. Giving someone a second chance is like giving them a second chance to stab you in the back and I'm not quite that stupid yet and I guess she isn't either.

Oh god! I was trying to hold it in…but his damn name…I know you know who I'm talking about…and if you don't…when have you been? Really?

_Kai…_Kai! KaiKaiKai! Every five damn fucking seconds I swear his stupid name pops into my stupid brain. I mean I tried to occupy my mind with other things that usually start me on a rant but it's not working because I just end up ranting about him. Not even the horrors of double the tests are bad enough to get him out.

Damn him. I can't stop playing it over, it's like a broken record, over and over it won't stop! Why won't you stop? I banged my head against the table. Stooop, please stoooop!

It's strange though, my brain's not playing over the part I thought it would, like the part where I moved in then when my brain shut down after that thing happened where both our lips touched- I don't even want to say the word- and I swear I looked like a complete dope. Instead of that what I keep seeing are his eyes…they were so…different looking. I can't get them out of my mind. Those eyes…they were so comforting, so familiar. They were so mesmerizing; they made me forget about everything for that spilt second where I seemed to lose control of my senses, especially my sense of reason.

His lips…they were so soft…He left so…good?...warm. I don't know. Okay, just shut up, every girl gets to obsessed over their first kiss just a little bit, right?

It did feel…uh…nice though. My god, even just thinking it to myself is making me blush like hell.

How am I ever going to get over this?

"Excuse me Miss but you're going to have to leave. We need to clean the cafeteria now." A voice startled me out of my thoughts.

I looked around. The whole place was deserted. It was just me and the janitor. "What?"

"Lunch is over, has been for a while. I need to clean you have to leave."

"Lunch…over?" I asked. That can't be I just sat down…I couldn't have been thinking about him for that long…could I have been?

"Yes, do you not understand English or something?" he asked getting a little impatient.

"Oh…umm, sorry." I said quickly picking up my bag and tray which was still filled with food all untouched besides the pudding which I was playing around with but none actually made its way into my mouth. I dumped all of it into the trash, what a waste but I couldn't really do anything with it now.

I wandered through the halls going to my next class…

I wonder what he's doing now. Lying in bed probably sick out of him mind…ha, kind of funny I can picture him with his messed up hair…

I have to stop doing this, I'm just torturing myself. Wasn't I trying to get somewhere? I'm in school; shouldn't I be in a class right now? Damn so late.

What class do I have right now anyway? What period is it? I seriously can't remember. I'm losing it…

I sat in my last period class, English, as spaced out as I've been the rest of the day.

He was silent the whole time. He didn't say a word the whole time… Why? No explanation, no nothing he just did it…and left.

I wonder what would have happened if I didn't wake up…I should have just kept my eyes close. Why didn't I? Why? Why? Why! Why do I have so many questions and so few answers?

"Cecilia? Are you paying attention?... Cecilia!"

"Huh?...ummm, sorry, what was the question?"

"You need to start paying attention." She told me then started to address the whole class. "You know exams aren't quite as far off as you all like to believe. It's already the 22nd of November. That's less then two months which may seem like a lot to you right now but with all the material will still have to cover that's hardly anytime at all…" she seemed to be on a roll as her speech about how important it was to pay attention continued on for a good five minutes or so but she had already lost me long before that.

All I heard was that it was the 22nd of November. Wow, tomorrow's my birthday, if she hadn't told me the date I probably would have missed my own birthday, sounds so much like something that could and would only happen to me. Heh, not that it matters, my birthday is just like any other day in my life except lonelier. It's not really that important and I haven't really celebrated it in a long while. I've spent most of my birthdays alone watching TV in the dark and I expect that to change so I just try not to get my hopes up anymore.

Okay so I admit the first couple time I was a little sad…okay not a little, not even a lot, I was devastated but then slowly I got over it, I sort of look forward to it now. Just me and my bestest friend, the TV, because there's never anyone around. Not a single soul in sight, in fact I don't ever really see them the whole day and they come back late at night when I'm already asleep. What's so bad about that? I mean it's only the day I came into this world, my first day of life, why should anyone make a big deal out of it?

Okay, so really I shouldn't feel all that bad because it's not like we celebrate Rei's birthday either. Actually I think Rei hates our birthday. In the few seconds I've seen him on our birthday over the years, he's always been so grouchy and irritable. He seems so anger and almost a little sad for whatever reason. Oh well, he must not like sharing it with me.

Hey you know what I just thought of? Maybe Kai's just like my brothers, I mean he does hang around with them so maybe he's exactly like them and just likes girls and goes around kissing everyone. So there is no meaning to it so I can stop analyzing and thinking about every little aspect of that…_kiss_ because there's just nothing to it, he's just a conniving jerk that likes to kiss girls. I can live with that because it'd be like something natural to him so maybe he won't even bring it up, hell maybe once he kisses someone he leaves them alone for good. That's even better! I can totally live with that.

…I did it again, didn't I? I started talking about him again…I can't help it!

Slowly I returned home after a long and rough day of stares, laughter, and looks of disgust. Why's that so Déjà vu? When will these people get their own lives and stop worrying and gossiping about me? I mean seriously, I don't know you, you don't know me so why the hell are you talking about me!

It's not just the talking…there's also the pushing…I don't want to get into it but after school there was some pushing involved…and a nice big pile of mud. Guess Carol wasn't kidding about that suffering both mentally and physically thing.

And even with that problem…there's still one event that ranks above it in my head…ahhh, okay, a nice long bath when I get home should and hopefully will clear my mind of…well everything.

As I sat in the tub of hot water, soft calming music played in the background. Relaxing, I could just fall asleep right here and now. I tilted my head back so that it rested against the pale orange tiles. Peace and quiet, just my soft music playing and not to mention an undisturbed washroom all to myself. A rare luxury on a late weekday afternoon.

Sort of makes me wonder what the hell everyone else is doing? But anyways it was too good to last and so it simply didn't.

"Hurry up in there." Johnny's oh so pleasant voice came along with a couple knocks at the door.

I sighed, so much for a _long _relaxing bath.

"Alright. Alright, I'm getting out." That's more like it; it wouldn't make much sense if no one rushed me out so they could get in.

"You better, we're leaving soon."

_Leaving?_...**we**'re? What kind of psycho alternate universe have I entered?

"Where're **we**," it even felt weird to say…**we**… "going?" but it was too late, I had taken too long to reply and he had already left. He was never a patient man as we should all know by now.

Looks like I'll have to actually get up to figure out whether I heard him right and whether or not I'm in the right house. I got up and wrapped a robe around myself.

I stepped downstairs to see that everyone, including my mom and dad who I thought were working today like they've done everyday of my life, stood there all dressed and ready to go.

Riiight, so I didn't hear him wrong.

I'm in the wrong house aren't I? One that looks exactly like mine but where there's an actual family where the people actually spend time together.

"I thought I told you we were leaving soon, unless you plan coming in that."

"Riiight," I looked at him strangely. "What you fail to tell me was where we're all going…_together_."

"We're going to visit Kai." My mom filled me in.

"K-kai?.." I shuddered. "Uhh…why exactly?"

"Well, you know, he's sick."

"Isn't that a reason to stay away from him?" Him being sick was supposed to be a good thing! It was suppose to get me out of seeing him today! But now I have to go to his house? I don't think I'll survive if I go…no…no I won't. I rather do something else…anything else! Tell me to do chores, make dinner, do the laundry, clean the house...hell I'd even go clean Carol's house! Don't make me go!

"Well he lives all alone we don't want him to have to take care of himself while he's sick." You had no problem leaving me alone, except for the occasional visit from Johnny but we all know that's no much company.

"Lives…alone? What about his parents?" I didn't know this…did you know this? Why am I the last to know everything? Why do I never know anything?...don't answer that last question.

"Question after question. God, do you ever shut up?" Johnny cut in, and I'd say rather rudely wouldn't you?

"Come on Cecilia. Enough talk, get dressed and then we can all be off. I have to get back to the office soon." my dad rushed me.

My parents were actually taking time off to go visit him? I don't get it, why's he so special? Is he like secretly they're long lost son?...wait that would make him my brother…which would mean I kissed my brother…eww, okay I'm going to stop thinking about this before it makes me throw up.

"Uhh…ummm…yeah. I don't think I'm going…send him my best wishes though…and I'll be here when you all get back…"

"We're all going Cecilia…it'll be like a nice…short family outing. As a family we should spend more time together." My mom insisted. And since when did she care about doing things together?

"But I don't think he'll really notice if I'm not there…and I do…got…a lot of…homework?" It's true, I do it's just not the reason why I want to stay home.

"The sooner we get there the sooner we can leave and get back here so you can do your precise homework." Rei mocked.

I scowled at him.

"We won't be long, you can do it when we get back or if you really have a lot bring it with you and you can work on it there. Get dress-"

"No," I interrupted. "but.."

"But nothing. Now!" we I can tell she got tired of discussing it with me. By the sound of her voice there's no way out of this. She's already made up her mind and what she says always goes.

Didn't I wish for this once? For this family to spend more time together?...another wish twistedly granted. I've got to be more careful what I wish for.

After I got dressed and hulled my bag down the stairs we got into two different cars. The drive seemed really long. Where exactly in hell were we going?

We stuck to the main roads for some time before we turned into a small street. I wonder what his house is like…or if he even lives in a house. How could he afford it? I wonder where his parents are. Maybe he's family is like Britney's and travel a lot without him.

As we continued to turn into other small streets it become clear that he didn't live in any broken down apartment as there were only houses around and as we kept going the houses kept getting bigger and bigger. Till finally we reached a ummm…house?…or palace as I would call it. So many windows, so wide and so tall.

He has security guards crawling all over the outside of the gates and cameras…Okay starting to wonder if he's like a prince of a small country somewhere…or maybe a large country? A very…very…large country with vast resources….and houses made of gold, where even the homeless are well attired and don't smell…where there is no garbage on the grounds and everything is just freakishly clean…and well pretty.

I'm not sure if we're even in the same town…if we are…I never knew these huge houses existed….and I've only lived here since…uhhh…I fell out of my mom's stomach?

How he affords this?…I will probably never know. He'd have to be crazy to spent time at our little dinky old house instead of this …this paradise. I wish I lived here! The privacy I'd get, how I wish.

Once we were 'cleared' by the security and their…ahem…metal detectors we were finally allowed to enter the quote 'premises.' I seriously thought I was going in to visit the president or a very nice jail.

"Are you sure we're in the right place?" I asked as we were about to enter the umm…'house.'

"Yes, your brother's car is park right over there," my mom said. I looked over and there is was and it was empty so they all had to go somewhere hence inside this castle. We had lost them almost immediately after we had left. That Tala sure loved to speed. I arrived with my mom, dad, and Rei.

I was about to press the little round button to signal the door bell or whatever but Rei just turn the knob and entered.

Figures, with all that security on the outside why would he need to lock his front door? Very logical.

The inside wasn't exactly what I had expected. Don't get me wrong it was huge as I expected, excellently decorated and totally glorious all together but with all the men outside I expected there to be an equal amount of people on the inside, like butlers and such but there was no one. The lights weren't even on. If I had just wondered in here randomly not knowing there was a sick boy lurking around somewhere in this place- or he should be somewhere- I would have thought it was deserted. It was well kept, clean but some things were gathering dust and the whole place seemed to be unused, unoccupied. There were covers over all the furniture like no one's used them in a long, long while.

"We'll start cooking, you two go up and see how Kai is." My mom said referring to herself and dad. She held a bag of what I'm now guessing is food in her hands, I wouldn't be surprised if the fridge…or fridges here were totally empty by the looks of this place. I suddenly get why he doesn't stay here much, seems lonely. "Here," she continued handing Rei a bag. "In the meantime tell him to eat these, they're just some fruits and stuff."

"Yeah, yeah." Rei said, not really interested in what she had to say.

He started up the stairs and I followed. He seemed to know exactly where he was going, turning at the appropriate places, knowing his way even though there was no lights on. It's creepy, did he have some sort of sixth sense?...or he's been here…and a lot.

This sure was a long trip. Why didn't he just use the room closely to the door? My back was starting to ache from the books I was hauling. Rei obviously saw that I was having trouble and I think purposely slowed down so I'd have to hold the thing longer and possibly break my back. Now I remember why I just love him so much. -.-

Finally we ventured down a hallway and I could see lights coming out of the room at the very end…lights and voices…very loud voices. Hello? Where were they're inside voices? Guess they didn't really need them inside these huge walls with no parents that occupy the space on the inside and therefore no rules.

"Are you joking?" what sounded like Max using a tone that was harsher then the one he usually used.

"Do I look like I joke?" him, it was Richie Rich's voice. Only he could be that cold.

"It's not going to happen." Johnny said quite sure of himself.

"She's remembering, you want her to remember in the middle of a street one day all alone?"

"What happened those many years ago is a big thing…we can't just spring it on her and I believe we had this discussion and decided we aren't going to…ever."

"You can't just ignore it."

"We can, we have been, and we will."

"_Her?_" I asked more to myself then anyone. "Who are they talking about?" It's like that other night...a while back when Rei kept yelling… Who's this girl they keep talking about? Why's she so important? Why's everyone so concerned? Even more questions! It's like the whole world is hiding something from me!

I looked over at Rei who seemed to have gone tense listening to them and then out of nowhere he let go of the bag and everything fell to the floor, scattering everywhere. It was odd, for a second it looked like he had done it on purpose…but then again that would be stupid.

Everyone stopped talking and rushed out to see Rei and me. It was so strange; everyone seemed to tense up, almost a little worried.

I looked at them all. "Gonna help us? Or just stand there?" I asked just to break the silence and weird bug-eyed staring but to my surprise they actually helped.

They picked everything up and then headed back into the room. I followed behind everyone. Something was fishy…something was definitely off. I just can't put my finger on it…

I stood on the outside of the room, looking around.

Everything was a really dark shade of blue that without light it just looked like black. The curtains were drawn shut and the lights dimmed, it was hard to se much in this room, all the corners of the room were covered in shadows. Someone really liked the dark. _He_ laid in a huge dark blue bed and he didn't seem to be too happy being stuck in it. He was definitely brooding.

I guess with me around their intense conversation had come to an end. No one was saying anything so finally I stepped in, dropping my bag immediately as my shoulders couldn't take it anymore. It made a loud bang as it hit the floor and everyone turned to stared at me.

"…sorry..." I murmured, looking at the ground, mainly avoiding sick boy's eyes and hoping no one noticed that my face totally flushed when I saw his face.

After a couple minutes of awkward nothings, where I stood there playing with my feet and praying to god that dark boy wouldn't talk to me, I finally decided to speak again…well actually I wanted to speak quite a while ago but just managed to gather up a little strength now.

"Hey, uhh, I've got a lot of homework…so is there a room I could work…that has lights?" I asked, really, really, really and I mean **really** wanting to get the hell out of that room.

"Use the room next door." Tala said. I nodded, opening my bag and taking a couple books, taking the whole bag would require more strength then I have at the moment. I'm not even going to bother questing why exactly he knew what room was what.

I took them and practically ran out of that room and into the next one. You really have no clue how happy I was that I didn't have to actually speak to him. It was like a giant boulder had been lifted. Now all I have to do is never be alone or in the same room as him again and all will be hunky dory! It should be a cinch considering he's practically at every corner I turn, he's friends with my brothers **and** parents and he's made his second home in the house I currently live in. Contact with him in the future is unavoidable. Life is just….so great! …the real problem is that I don't even know if I was being sarcastic in the last sentence...

I opened the door in the next room and it creaked as I pushed it opened making me flinch. I quickly searched for the light switch and flipped the lights on before stepping a foot into the room. Okay so I have a fear of ghosts and that fear increases drastically in a huge foreign place like this that seems almost to be uninhabited perfect living grounds for ghosts.

This room was just as I had expected it to be: huge, certainly bigger then my room hell it was most likely bigger then the entire second floor, which either points out how extremely sad our house is or how incredibly big his is…It's a little bit of both I think.

There were sheets once again covering everything including the walls. I grabbed a sheet pulling it off revealing a huge long table. I dumped the sheet on the floor and toke a better look at the table.

It was stunning, wooden old looking but well kept. Looking carefully I could see carvings on it that almost seemed to tell a story. I ran my hand against it feeling the soft wood. I pulled out a chair and set my books down but before I sat down something caught my eyes.

In the corner wall there was something…something red. I took a step closer to it looking closely but I still couldn't understand what it was. So I took a closer look.

I put my hand on it, pushing away the sheet a little, it was a book. I pushed the sheets away some more and there was another book. Quickly I yanked the whole thing off to reveal rows and rows of books that ran all the way up to the high ceiling which I just noticed also had pictures on it that depict a story. I ran over to the other walls and pulled off the sheets, revealing more selves stacked with books. I found that one wall wasn't actually a wall but just a huge book shelf and behind it was even more book shelves with even more books. And then I realized this is his library...or was; now it seemed the books were being neglected along with the beautiful art work that's displayed all over the walls and wherever else there was space.

There must be thousands and thousands of books in here about anything and everything you could ever want to know. It must really come in handy…wonder why it looks so unused then…

Totally forgetting about my homework I started to look around some more, admiring the whole place. I looked through some of the books; they're some of all sorts, from educational, real life stories to sci-fi fantasy worlds.

I've always loved books, I mean I don't always understand them and it was just killer reading them for school but I respect what the authors do. They write about things that mean something to them, their feelings, thoughts and opinions and get other people to hear what they have to say. It must be real hard though.

I used to bring books around and look at them, I couldn't exactly read that well but I liked carrying it around and attempting to read and understand. I liked how each one told a different story that would temporary distract me from my real life, it was like each one was a door to another dimension, another exciting adventure and you know most books have this corny theme about friendship and how with friends behind you, you can accomplish anything you set your mind to. This theme applies especially in animes and mangas and I guess it was that theme that draws me into these things.

It gave me hope engulfing myself in these totally unreal worlds with these amazing good-hearted characters. I would always imagine meeting them in real life and having them as friends, it all seemed so perfect till of course I finished the book and the fantasy ended and I would feel even worst then when I started the book.

I used to picture one day having a book with my name on it about me, my thoughts, my feelings, my opinions, **my** life but like I said being an author's hard work and I don't think I'm cut out for it. I've never really liked people judging me or my work. I could never stand negative criticism or even constructive criticism. My spirit's broke way too easily. And I'm pretty sure to make a good book you need to be good in spelling and grammar and sentence structure and all that.

I guess writing a book is just another broken dream. It would just seem nice to be heard by the world, to have people taking time from their day to pick up something I wrote and read my words. I'd be like immortalized in the book because my thoughts, a part of me will always exist so long as someone has my book and is reading it or just remembering it.

I guess fame is something I wish for sometimes…but don't we all want a little bit of fame? A little bit of glory? I know everyone wants to be noticed, everyone wants a little bit of attention because no one could possibly like being ignored or just unnoticed. Everyone likes to feel special and appreciated that's for sure…

Yeah okay, I don't know why I just went into that little rant but they've been happening more frequently now-a-days… I've always had a billion rants, the more things I find wrong with the world the more things I have to rant about and there are **so **many things wrong with the world…but I guess my ranting doesn't really fix any of them…

"Still thinking about being a writer?"

I recognized his voice, even though I haven't heard it in a long while, Enrique. I rolled my eyes not bothering to turn around and look at him.

I don't even know why he brought that up, if anything I'd would get mad at him for saying that. You can probably guess that I never told him that I wanted to be a writer considering I never tell anyone anything of importance to me ever.

How he found out? I used to keep this diary-journal sort of thing. I wrote just about everything in there and it was back in the time where I wasn't as cynical or bitter…so I actually had crushes, quite a few of them to tell you the truth though I hate to admit it now or name any names because…well they turned out to be total jerks like every other guy in the world. Big surprise there.

Anyway being a writer was on the maybe list back then now it's in the never-going-to-happen list like everything else I used to think about.

From the day I caught him reading it which he had probably been doing for months I stopped keeping a journal, now I sort of just scribble my thoughts down under my bed. If someone was to take a flashlight and hold it up to the wood under my bed they'd be years and years of writing, most are just one word entries that tell of what I was feeling at the time. I know the word anger is under there and underlined quite a few times. It was the first word I ever jotted down. I know I have weird habits. I have no life, don't remind me.

You know thinking about this makes me realize that Enrique liked doing a lot of things behind my back, it's like his pastime.

"What's it to you?"

"Nothing, was just wondering."

"Well don't 'cause it's none of your business." Now where was this attitude coming from? Right, he's a jackass that dated one of my…uhhh…friends?...for however long without tell me. Okay then keep it up.

"I see you still haven't gotten over…it…"

"I see you still haven't found anything to say in your defense." I spat out…okay let's try not to cross the line from attitude to bitchy.

"Well…no, I guess not." He said in a voice that sounded like he was about to give up after not really trying.

"Okay then, whatever."

"Well…I broke up with her…" he whispered almost like it was to himself.

"Yeah, so I've heard, it wasn't from you but I really didn't expect you to tell me anyway. I don't expect you to tell me anything. It's your life not mine I don't really care. Do whatever you want." Alright…I think I've hit bitchy.

"Look…I am really sorry. It's just-…have you-…" he sighed struggling to find words. "It-she…I just screwed up, okay?"

"No, not okay. Now if you don't mind I'm going to get back to my homework and back to ignoring you." I said putting the book I was holding back and brushing past him back to the table.

I seriously don't know where this is coming from anymore…I'm not mad…am I? I haven't really thought about it…and I know I'm not mad at Britney...no on the contrary I feel sorry for Britney…actually I totally forgot she had anything to do with Enrique… If I can forgive her, someone that made me miserable for so many years…someone who did all that just to make me hurt…why couldn't I find it in myself to forgive Enrique? My brother. Why do I have such a larger grudge over Enrique then over Britney? Shouldn't it be the other way around?

And you know that? Britney was never really my friend…so why would it matter? Why do I care? Do I even care? Why did I make such a big deal out of it?

Urg as this stupid day goes on I get more and more stupid questions I have absolutely no…stupid answers to!

Well I don't know why I'm acting the way I am but what I do know is that this thing with me and Enrique may never be fixed because well as much as everyone would like to see all problems that come up in life to be fixed in nice thirty-minute-packages like in TV shows, it just doesn't happen that way. Sometimes when something happens and words have been exchanged the damaged is never fixed and people just drift apart…I've gotten over it…I'm just not sure I want things back the way they were.

Maybe in the future I'll feel different about it…in a week…a month…a year, I don't know but if I had to take a wild guess I'd say I'm not a big enough person or a trusting enough person to give out second chances yet.

**(I wrote this, this way cause well it'd be unrealistic to fix every lil problem…and well I don't have a solution, ppl drift that's it. But I am writing this short story about Britney and Enrique that will b posted once I'm done posting this story…lol)**

It was about a quarter after six when I heard my mom yelling my name and telling me that it was time to go.

"Yes!" I cheered to myself gathering my books and leaving the room but not before stopping one last time to admire it. God, I love this room, it was like silent but for once it wasn't a freaky kind of silence… Gah, it doesn't matter I'm getting tired of trying to explain these things. It's just to special to put into any words.

I came out and everyone was already starting to make their way down the hall and out of there.

"Hurry up and make sure to get all your stuff then try to catch up. I know this place is big so try to keep up and not get lost. We have to hurry; I have to get to work." My mom lectured to me as she and everyone else had already started walking away.

I peeked into the next room, rich boy's room. I couldn't see anyone but there was a lump on the bed so I was guessing that was him. I looked at the floor by the door where I had set down my bag but it was gone. I looked around to spot it right next to his bed. Someone is so damn evil!

I walked slowly up to his bed hoping in it would really just be some pillows stacked up on themselves but unless pillows could make breathing noises- and last time I checked they couldn't- it had to be him in there.

As I got closer I seemed to slow down and started to walk on my tippy toes. I was hoping to get my bag and get out of there without being noticed. I bent down and got my bag to notice that he was fast asleep. I almost laughed. He's hair was all messed up. He looks horrible, like he was really suffering…yet still so adorably…cute. Like he said cute is better.

I shook the thought out of my head and ran out the door and after my family that has now officially done something together.

I turned off the lights that was clearly bugging Rei. I took all my books and bag and brought them over to my bed. Getting under the sheets I turned a flashlight and began working. It was getting pretty late now, one? Two? in the morning and I was starting to feel a little tiny bit bad for keeping Rei up.

I stared down at my textbook. Math, the horror of all subjects. Now, what exactly does all the exterior angles of a polygon equal and how can I use this knowledge to get the measurement of one exterior angle of a twenty-four sided polygon?

Now let's see... the all knowing textbook says:

All exterior angles of a polygon have the sum of 360 degrees. To find measurement of one angle divide 360 by the number of sides.

Ah, so this thing does come in handy at times. Now, 360 divided by twenty-four would be? Ack, why couldn't there be six sides or two or something really simple for a simple minded person like me. Calculator time.

I dug my hand through my bag looking for my pencil case when I grabbed a small box wrapped in what looked like black wrapping paper but after taking a closer look it was more of a dark blue…dark blue…could it be from…

I turned off the lights and slipped out of the covers. I held the little box under the moonlight and in golden letters spelt '_Happy Birthday,'_ Right…that's what today is…

Ah…I suddenly didn't feel very well. ..it was getting hard to see properly. I closed my eyes rubbing at them, it must be because I'm tired. My eyes seemed to get better till I opened them again.

I was no longer in my bed or in my room…I'm not sure where I am…There were games at every direction. Slides, balls, pizza, it was filled with little kids at every direction.

"No, now Enrique don't touch those cakes. They're your brother and sister's." that voice… I looked to my right and there was my…mom? But…she was different, younger, less stressed…h-happy looking and there was Enrique almost looking the same but smaller with the same golden blonde hair and goofy smile on his face. One hand was about to dig into a chocolate cake the other into a mango cake.

"Go on and play."

"Okay mommy!" Enrique said bouncing off but from the look in his eye he was going to come back when mom wasn't looking.

This is too weird…what is this? A dream?

Soon all the voices and noises around me got quieter and quieter till all I could hear was the voice of a little girl. I followed it till it lead me to a hallway away from all the kids. Standing there was…was…me?...in a little pink poofy and may I add ugly dress. My hair was put up but mainly just messed up strands were falling out and all over the place. There was also a boy…a very familiar looking boy…with…with…two toned blue hair…K-Kai…? Not another dream with him. Is it not bad enough that he's everywhere these days he also has to invade my dreams.

I stood at the entrance to the hallways listening to them. The little girl…I mean…me?...I-I was holding a nicely wrapped box.

"What's this?" she or…I…or…whoever asked.

The little boy shrugged…such a Kai thing to do.

"Awww!" she- I- little me….or whatever squealed. "You got me a present! Thank you!" she yelled jumping up and hugging him as he was about a head taller then…me at the time and is even taller then that compared to me now.

"…." He didn't seem like he was able to speak squashed in a hug.

Finally she- I'm just going to call her she- let go. "I wonder what it is!" she yelled still all giddy.

"Just open it." He said in the same monotone-it's-no-big-deal voice of his.

"Okay!" she said her smile widening but before her little fingers could pull away the wrapping she was stopped.

"Now, now Cecilia we're opening presents after we eat cake which will be soon because Enrique looks like he can't resist eating the whole thing on his own. I'll just put this with the other ones." My….younger mom said spotting us she past by running after a couple kids that looked awfully like Max and Johnny. She took the present and then ran off after the two kids.

"Well I can't wait to see what it is! I'll open yours first!" she said pretty enthusiastically.

Kai just slightly nodded but little me didn't seem to care that he wasn't as happy as she was, it was like she was being extra happy to make up for his lack of…any emotion.

So he was always like that, it wasn't military school that turned him…well the air of mystery around him just got bigger.

Right then Rei ran in, right passed me and towards well…me…the little me and mini Kai. He was actually cute as a kid…what happened to him? He's hair was long but as long as it is now, it was tied into a braid like usual. Man how long exactly had he been sporting that look?

"Hey sis! You coming to play or what?" he asked running up to her when he seemed to just notice Kai. Jeez, blind much? "Oh, hey, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" he asked in an almost teasing voice.

"No Rei you aren't." I said in a cheery voice not even noticing the fact that he was mocking me. Am I or was I really that dense?...on second thought, don't answer that.

"Okay then! Come and play!" Rei insisted grabbing hold of her arm.

"Okay! Okay, Mr. Pushy!" she said about to run off but then stopped. "Actually…I got to go pee…"

Rei almost seemed to sweatdrop. "Okay, I'll take you."

"Nooo! Rei! I'm six! I'm a big girl now! I can find my way!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah! You two go off. I'll find you later! Bye!" she said running off but Rei caught her by the arm.

"It's that way…" he said pointing down the hall.

"Right I knew that!" she said but looking at his face it didn't seem like he believed she knew where she was going at all and well…knowing me…I probably didn't. "Don't worry so much!"

Rei sighed and I watched him and Kai walked back into the party and disappear into the crowd of kids.

Once they left the lights almost seemed to get darker and an air of seriousness clouded over the place almost anticipating something bad…

Quickly I followed after myself…this was one vivid and totally bizarre dream.

I hurried down the hallway watching myself skip down the hallway while singing Mary had a little lamb…or some weird variation of it because I didn't get the words quite right.

"Berry had a knitting lamp, knitting lamp, knitting lamp! Berry had a knitting lamp that something, something, something." And I just continued repeating that over and over.

Wow, even in a dream I annoy myself.

We continued down the hall…which seemed really long and I'm starting to think maybe we passed the washroom.

This place was completely deserted and just screamed bad news but the little me seemed so care free she continued skipping without a worry and waving at her reflection whenever she passed a mirror.

We were all alone till…suddenly this man just out of nowhere just I don't know…appeared? I didn't see him walk there and there was no footsteps, no noise. He was like a ghost. One second there was no one then the next he appeared, manifested out of thin air.

I can't really see him properly. He was hidden in the shadows but something about him didn't give me a good feeling. It sent shivers down my spine. I don't know why but I don't like him…

"Hi mister!" mini-me yelled not looking like she was getting the same vibe from him as I was.

"Hi little girl." He said. His voice sounded nice enough, like a parent talking to their little kid but still…something wasn't right.

"It's my birthday today!" she yelled out almost as if she couldn't hold in the good news any longer.

"Oh, really and how old would you be now?"

"Six years old!" she shouted holding out six fingers.

"Wow what a big girl. You know I think I may have a present prefect for a little girl back at my place."

"A present? I love presents!" she screamed ecstatic.

"Well if you come with me I'll give it to you."

"Ohh…I can't. Mommy said not to go with strangers."

"Oh but I don't live far. It's just down the hall."

"You live here! That's so cool!"

"Yeah, it'll just take me a second to get it for you."

"I don't know…"

"I won't tell anyone if you don't."

"Umm..." she scrunched up her little face thinking… "Well…okay!" she yelled taking his hand.

Now, I could make out a smile in the mans outline…a little one…like a crooked smirk… but that was all of him I was able to make out through the shadows and when I attempted to get closer to see his face my vision would blur and my head would ache, it was like there was a wall between me and him and my mind would only let me get so close, like I wasn't allowed to see his face…

This isn't good...this isn't right. Something bad was going to happen…I could feel it in my bones. "Nooo! Don't go!" I yelled to her but she didn't hear me and continued hand in hand with him. "You can't go with him!" I yelled again this time reaching out my hand to grab her but then my hands got weak and it felt like I couldn't lift them any longer so they dropped to my sides.

My head's pounding like someone was beating it in with a bat. I feel to the floor seeing only the little-me's back disappearing off into the dark with that man. I fell down to the ground as it got harder to stand up as the world around me twisted and turned, it was like the ground was moving beneath my feet. My body feels so numb I can't control any part of it, it just keep shaking uncontrollably. Breathing's starting to become a very difficult task. I tried to reach out my hand one last time and yell for her to come back but my voice had stopped working. I was sweating so much, my hands were all clammy and beads of sweat rolled off my forehead. I shut my eyes and just waited for it to stop or for me to die but neither happened.

It was like how they described having a heart attack would feel only the symptoms kept going. I don't know how long I've been kneeled over here but it almost seems like an eternity and I hadn't passed out. It's like dying, being put through all that pain but I never actual died so the pain continued on and on.

Then suddenly, like the wind changing directions, it stopped, all of it just stopped. I don't get it… I opened my eyes and looked around. I was on my feet and walking. I looked to my left and I was holding a man's hand…a man in the shadows…

Oh no…I-I'm…that little girl now?…I mean…me…when I was small…or at least I'm seeing through my eyes when I was small? Or…this is just too odd.

"No! No! I wanna go! I want my mommy!" that voice…did it just come out of me? It's like I don't have any control in this body…I'm just a by-stander….helpless and useless.

"But you didn't get your present yet…"

"I-I don't want it anymore…I-I…just want to go…" I stuttered pulling my hand out of his but I didn't get far when his hand grabbed my wrist and it held on tight.

"Just a little further…" he said again the only thing I could see was his lips and the evil smile they curled into.

That smile seemed to send me into a larger panic mood and I started to pulled harder and harder to get away from his grasp but all that I was really doing was causing more pain to myself.

"Now, now if you continue that behavior you'll only hurt yourself." He said as if he was a loving parent.

"Let go! Let go! Please! You're hurting me!" I started to yell and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Now let's not make a scene." He said, his voice stern almost like a threat and that usually would have shut me up but this little-me was too caught up in her fear. I stared through her frightened little eyes as she continued to yell and scream while struggling to get away from him.

I saw the outline of his face turn from side to side to make sure no one was around. He was getting nervous now that I had begun to fight him. He quickly opened the nearest door and hurled me inside.

I let out a yelp as my back came in contact with something hard and metal…like a shelf.

"Awww, sorry but that's what you get for being a bad girl. You shouldn't yell and scream like that in public." He tsked shaking his head.

Now I really started to cry, so much that I couldn't talk. I was balling, years streaming down my face.

"Now, now there's no need to cry. I just want to play a little game. You like games don't you?" he asked kneeling down and whipping a tear off my check. I wince a little moving backwards till my back hit the metal thing again.

"It's fun. Don't worry." He said with a big smile again. His large white teeth now the only thing I saw in the dark.

I could feel myself fidgeting and moving, kicking and punching at the air, tying to fight away what I couldn't see but could definitely feel: cold large hands.

My heart was pounding like a trapped little rabbit about to be eaten as I continued to struggle against the tall shadowy figure that seemed to be everywhere, he was like the air in the room, everywhere yet I couldn't see him. To the left, the right, in front of me…I couldn't really tell where.

"_Don't worry, It's fun…"_

"_Don't worry, It's fun…"_

"_Don't worry, It's fun…"_

That's all I kept hearing him whisper into my ear over and over. I could feel his breath of my neck and it cause Goosebumps all over my body.

Everything now was like a little clip and pictures pasted together. There were all these parts that were missing and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them even if I could. After a little while everything just became a swirling blur and I could hardly tell what was around me till total darkness finally hit and then all there was, was a loud piercing scream that kept getting louder and louder.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

My eyes shot open and I was in my bed again, sweating like hell. The screaming continued though…I could still hear it till I realized that it was me that was still screaming. I stopped, breathing deeply.

"What the hell is wrong with you! It's four in the morning!" Rei snapped at me.

"R-…Rei!" I said still shaken up. "I-I'm…I-I'm…scared…"

"Scared of what? The monsters under your bed?"

"I…I had this…this…dream- no, no, no… nightmare…no, no…not…not even…I'm not even sure if it was a nightmare…it…it seemed too real…e-everything that was happening…I…I-I could…I could feel the pain…and his breath!...his breath…on my…my neck…" I said putting my hand on my neck… now I was rocking myself back and forth, "and the fear…it…it was all too real…too real to be just a nightmare…no…no…it was like…like…a memory…"

"Wait…wait…slow down. What exactly was your dream about?" Rei asked now sounding mighty concerned.

"Our…our sixth birthday…"

Rei shifted on his bed getting up. "Go back to sleep. It was just a dream…**nothing more.**" He said stressing the last two words before rushing out of the room and slamming the door shut.

I sat in my bed thinking it over and over. I didn't quite believe Rei when he said it was just a dream but I wanted to so badly. It was too frightening so I kept telling myself that it was just a dream. It's just a dream…just a dream… just a dream… just a dream… just a dream and nothing more. Just some weird scenario my brain came up with… Nothing to worry about… Nothing. To. Worry. About. I reassured myself over and over. It's just like all those other weird dreams you've been having about when you were small and if Kai's in it then it has to be just a dream…right? I didn't know him then, no he was in military school so I couldn't. No...I don't know him…I never knew him back then. It was a dream. It didn't know Kai back then so it has to be a dream. It has to be!

I sighed calming a little once I had convinced myself it was just a dream. I let my body un-tense as I leaned onto my pillow. It's okay. Dreams can't hurt you, dreams aren't real. As I un-tensed my hands released their tight grips and out of my right hand slipped the little box I had never gotten a chance to open. It fell onto the floor and bounced under the bed. Hope it wasn't something breakable.

I crawled onto the floor and looked under my bed, there it was. I reached my hand in but it was just out of reach so I crawled in a little and grabbed it.

Before getting out I looked up and felt like adding a word to my little dictionary of feelings. I got out and placed the little box carefully on the bed. Then I open the top drawer of my night table and I took up a flashlight and marker. I went back under this time sliding on my back. I turned on the flashlight and placed it into my mouth so it shined onto a collage of words. Randomly on the empty space between Loneliness and Betrayal I scribbled down my new word: Scared.

At the bottom of everything a single phrase is written: These feelings will never go away.

Slowly I got back out and crawled back under my sheets and knocking all my books and bag onto the floor. I don't think I'm going to get anything else done anyway. I picked up the box once again and stared at it. The wrapping was well done; it looked like actual effort was put into it. I slowly pealed off the tape off one end then opened that end up slowly I slipped the box out leaving the wrapping paper still in a box shape.

I looked at the box on the palm of my hand for a moment then I opened it up. Inside was a necklace, an oval-shaped locket on a chain.

I held it up by the chain, inspecting it. It shined in the moonlight…I could see my reflection in it as it swung slightly to the left and right… it was…intriguing…

_  
A little Cecilia, now six and a couple weeks sat in her room, curled up in a ball. There was a knock at the door but she didn't say anything, didn't make an attempt to open the door just sat there as if there was no knock to begin with. _

_The door opened anyway and there stood her mother._

"_Cecilia…Kai's here to see you…" _

_At the mention of his name, her head snapped up but still she didn't say anything. _

_Kai stepped out from behind her mother and he ended the room carrying a tray that held some food. _

_Cecilia continued to stay silent but a little flame of life lit in her once dead looking eyes._

_Her mother silently exited the room and closed the door behind her, concern was written all over her face. What mother wouldn't be? Her only daughter wouldn't speak, hardly ate and hardly ever moved from that corner. She was still a sweet girl that would do what you ask but she didn't quite have that spark she used to. The worst part was that she didn't even know how to help her little girl._

_Kai sat down next to her in the corner. "Eat, you're going to starve yourself to death."_

"_I'm…not hungry…" she spoke for the first time in days. The last time she had spoken it was the last time Kai was there. She couldn't find her voice to speak anyone else. She felt too ashamed to speak to anyone else, too dirty, tainted. No matter how many baths she took, the feeling wouldn't go away. It was only with Kai she felt secure enough to talk to right now because it had always been him she ran and he had always made everything better. She couldn't quite explain why it was him she could talk it, it definitely wasn't what he said about her problems because Kai hardly spoke at all...but it was kind of just that, that made her want to talk to him. He didn't say anything, he didn't judge, he would just listen and that's all she really needed, someone to listen._

"_Just a little…**please**." He said in an almost begging voice which was a first even with Cecilia._

_She took the bowl of rice and ate it plain, a little spoonful at a time, slowly putting it into her mouth and chewing it till it was mush._

_Kai just sat there waiting for her to finish, she only ate about half a bowl before giving up and putting it back on the tray. _

"_I have to go…away" Kai said randomly._

"_Away where?"_

"_Far."_

"_When…are you coming back…"_

"_I…don't know."_

"_What do you mean 'I don't know'?"_

"_It's going to be a while…a long while…"_

"_But…but…you can't…" Cecilia said, she tried to put a little more fight into her voice but she just couldn't find it in her. She felt so weak._

"_I have no choice…"_

"…"

"…"

_There was a long pause of silence. Cecilia was trying to picture what it would be like without Kai especially now when she needed him the most but she couldn't. She just couldn't picture life without him…He had been there since…well the beginning…of everything, this family. He was there when Tala was born, he was there when she was born… of course he probably didn't remember but the fact was that he was there._

"_You'll come back though…right?...someday…"_

_He nodded. _

"_And…you won't forget me…will you?"_

"_No…"_

"_Well…how do I know that? Mommy always said that boys had wondering eyes…I'm not sure what that means…but I know it's bad…" this was her first mommy comment in a while. She was trying to put on a brave face, trying to show Kai she'd be okay if he had to leave even though she knew that she wouldn't be okay._

_He smiled wearily. "I won't forget…I promise."_

_She sat there a little while longer when it seemed an idea hit her and she stumbled to her feet and towards the table. She looked through the desk picking up a box and incased in it was a necklace. She picked it up and ran back to Kai. She held the chain letting the locket dangle. It was well taken care of, polished almost everyday. As she dangled it her reflection could be seen on the side facing her and his reflection on the side facing him. _

"_Take it and only open it when you feel really, really down. I put my favorite picture in it…and it always makes me feel better looking at it." _

"_I can't take this…"_

"_Just…give it back when you get back." She said shoving it into his hands._

I blinked several times coming out of my trance and stared back at my reflection in the locket.

Another one of them…Why's he always in every one of these things?...

**---3rd Person's P.O.V.----**

Rei exited the room immediately when heard about her 'dream.' Kai was right…she was remembering and at an alarming rate. If she was to remember it all on her own…

Urg, he couldn't decided what to do…but Kai was right, he didn't want her remembering alone in the middle of the streets or something. There's no telling what she'd do then.

At least if they told her, they could look after her…

He picked up the phone and dialed Kai's number. It was late but he considered this something important enough to wake him up for.

"Hello?" Kai's voice came in on the phone. He didn't sound like he hadn't been sleeping anyway.

"We can…and should tell her…and soon…"

"Okay."

And with that they both hung up the phone, there wasn't really anything else to say.

'…How does someone tell another news like this…' Rei thought heading back to his room, contemplating the problems to come.

Kai laid in his bed wondering whether she had opened it yet…probably though, it was probably what triggered those memories…but it was okay, he could deal with however she'd react. After all he was the only one that could get her to talk or eat before. He could do it again or so he thought, problem was he thought wrong.

This time she hardly knew him or trusted him so how could he help her?

**Woot! Something happened! Finally!...:) **

**Ah, it's really taking me forever to just finish this story isn't it? --' I can't help it. I don't feel like writing anymore… I dunno haven't gotten lazier or anything…still exactly as lazy as I was when I started this story…It's not really writer's block either…Maybe the part I'm at is just hard to write…**

**Oh well…I'm sure something will click together in my head soon!...Happy holidays everyone! And a very Happy New Year:D **


	14. I don't care! I don't care! I don't care

**HOLY SHI-AT! WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER UPDATED REALLY CHRISTMAS EVE! I seriously didn't notice it had been that long…it didn't feel that long…but then one day I was like…I wonder when I last updated?...and I check…and wow…just…wow…I mean Chelly was always telling me I hadn't updated in forever…but really I thought she was exaggerating…but wooow…  
Hehe…forgive me…I lost track of time…I really did!...for two mouths…yes…**

**Disclaimer: I only own that in which I own and not that in which I don't which would be the beyblade series and all it characters.**

**Chapter 14 – I don't care. I don't care. I don't care.**

I rocked myself for hours and hours before I actually fell asleep only to be woken again by my alarm clock not so long after.

It was kind of overly sunny out for a November day. The sun shone brightly through the window and hit the bottom of my bed warming up my feet.

I turned my head over to the right and just as I had suspected Rei was nowhere insight.

I'm not late today, once that alarm rang I was fully awake and no matter how much I would love to close my eyes and get a couple more moments of rest even if it meant being late for school…again…I wasn't able to. Took me hours to fall asleep in the first place, it wasn't going to happen again so easily even if I felt like I was going to collapse from the exhaustion.

I laid in bed just a little longer listening carefully for signs of life in this house…nope. Not the yells from the battle over the washroom, not the hurried footsteps of my parents, not even the sounds of Tyson scarfing down…ummm…just about anything he can get his hands on. No…just silence, its odd how much I didn't realize I noticed all these noises until well they were gone. Come to think of it, I could hear almost anything I want from this room, on this bed if I really listened hard.

Oh well, just another day…just another birthday…just another year closer to death. No biggie.

Sitting up I put my feet down on the group and I felt something moving past them. I lifted my feet back up and looked down there was that little Hellion scurrying out from under my bed and running towards Rei's. She jumped on but seemed slightly confused looking around. Someone misses Rei. Now every morning that thing would wake Rei up with purring and slight nudges and licks. No worries she's so nice she also attempts to wake me up …only instead of using her tongue she uses her claws. Considerate of her, no?

Meh, at least I'm not totally alone now.

Do I really need to describe my morning routines?...It's like what everyone else does. Brush teeth, change, eat, whatever. I mean who cares how I brush my teeth, or what I'm wearing or what I eat? What does it matter if I do them at all?

I mean why get ready? What's the point of even going to school? To be picked on? Pushed around? I certainly don't learn anything there, no all I ever do is get humiliated. I'm not getting an education so why bother? No education, no future, no life. Whoppi. Who cares? So I'll be unsuccessful, live on the streets and then die. Does it really make a difference to anyone what I do? Not their life and if I don't care why should anyone else? So I don't do anything with my life? What? The world's going to suddenly spin uncontrollably out of orbit and everyone's going to die because little old me can cut it in the real world? Yeah right. I'm one person; it doesn't matter if I fail because someone out there will succeed where I can't. So why try?...

….

Wow, so early in the morning and I'm already thinking like this? I'm jumping on every little thing even brushing my teeth. It's ridiculous; yup symptoms of not getting enough sleep, makes me extra grouchy.

It's that stupid dream or whatever it is. It's like a film. Play, pause, rewind. Play, pause, rewind. Play, pause, rewind. Where the hell is the fucking stop button! Oh yeah that's right there is none. I'll never have control over what goes on in my mind nor will I ever understand what goes on in my mind.

Ah, I'll try to do as little thinking as possible today if I don't I'm afraid I might jump on someone and attempt to kill them in desperation of trying to take my anger out. And we all know that murder is bad even if it happens to be a spiteful-innerving-idiot whose has for unknown reasons decided to dedicate their life to torturing and destroying everything around them and even when that person is like that they'll probably still end up succeeding in their live while other honest hard working people will fail. And even after all that murdering that person would still be bad and wrong even when you can picture a hundred different ways of doing it, like with a dull little knife slowly cutting them open while they're alive so they can feel every little cut as slowly feel themselves dying as their blood flows out of their bodies and then while they're still partially alive you cut their limbs off one and a time and watch the pain in their eyes till ev-… yeah…I'm going to stop here by saying murder is immoral and should not be done no matter how much every little part of you is begging you to just- I need more sleep….yuuup, just ignore me till I get more sleep.

* * *

It geography and as usual pop quiz…though I wouldn't exactly call it a quiz. Its…ummm… ten pages long and no multiple answer questions all long answer questions to be answered in full well structured sentences... grammar and selling will be marked and worth just as much as the question itself. 

I stared at the quiz which I'd normally be freaking over trying to finish as many of the questions as possible before time ran out and then spend the rest of the week worrying about…but today…today….urg…I can't say that I care much.

I haven't even finished the first question…in fact the only thing I've done is read the first question and I don't even remember it…something…something about zoning and whatnot.

For some reason today this all just seems so trivial, so pointless, so useless…so whatever. I mean why should I care?

I directed my attention to the window deciding that there is no reason for me to care. I watched the snow fall and the trees that seemed to shiver in the cold. The field was covered in snow as far as the eye could see was white. _Pure_ white snow…and it made me sick.

I kept staring though…staring…till eventually I think I stopped blinking…and then…it…it seemed…I…I-I started to hallucinate or something. That little girl…that same little girl form last night…she was back in her little pink dress only now it was all torn up and she was shaking….shaking horribly. She walked forward slowly, limping…almost like every part of her was so fragile it was going to fall apart any second. There was some blood running down her legs…and tears in her eyes but she didn't let them fall.

Soon a crowd seemed to form around her. The first one there was him…again…Kai…just standing there, staring…then soon other people arrived and… police they were everywhere and then this women…that women… that…that…

"Mom?" I whispered to myself.

"We were looking all over the place for you! Where have you-" the women started to say running up to the girl but then stopped dead in her tracks seeing the little girl. "W-what's happened to you?

The little girl looked up and the tears fell form her eyes as she opened her mouth. "I-I…I-I…I-I" she repeated a couple of time trying to speak. "I-I…didn't want to!" she finally spat out…and then it was like she was on repeat as her whole body started to shake harder. She fell to her knees shaking her head to the right and left as she repeated 'I didn't want to. I didn't want to. I didn't want to,' until she passed out on the cold white snow.

"Cecilia!"

"Cecilia!"

"Cecilia!"

"Cecilia!"

My name repeated over and over till I heard a ruler snap my side and I turned over to see my teacher looking pretty angry but today…he didn't scare me.

"Your 'mom' isn't here." He said mocking me but I didn't care, I didn't react. Just stared in his eyes and today my eyes were darker then his could ever be.

It made him flinch for a second but he regained his air of highness very quickly.

"Don't give me that look! It's rude." He snapped… and then it hit me…staring into his eyes I knew he was powerless. Why should I be scared of him? What's the worst he can do? Yell at me? So what? Send me to the office for sitting here quietly? I don't think so. So I just kept staring.

Seeing that I wasn't going to budge he took another approach and grabbed my test. "I'll be marking yours first." He snared.

I shrugged. I didn't even write anything. I don't care.

* * *

Lunch…same place same time as every other day. 

'Cecilia.' Did she call my name? Or did I only think she did because that stupid teacher kept calling my name? Damn it. I must be going insane. I'm seeing things, hearing things…I hope I'm just going insane. I hope….I hope….I hope…

I put my arms on the table and rest my head on them, closing my eyes. I'm so tired…but I don't want another dream. I don't want to see anymore…why is this happening to me!

I sighed heavily and decided to just try and forget about it. Of course that's not exactly what I'd call an easy task.

Do you know who I haven't seen today? Britney…I don't hear much about her anymore and today it's like she's disappeared off the face of the universe…ah, whatever it's not like it matters much. She doesn't want to talk to me so I'll just leave it at that. Why should I have to keep chasing after her, it was her fault I got stuffed into a damn closet. Why should I have to keep giving a shit about her if she never did the same?

I stayed in the same position for a while then something hit my head then there was a couple snickers heard from around me. I ignored them. Getting up is not worth it. Don't care.

Then it hit me again and again still I didn't move, react or speak. Not worth my time but it seems by not reacting the idiots around me didn't get the pleasure they usually did in harassing me.

Suddenly someone grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me up roughly. One guess on who stood before me. Carol. She always has to single me out, everyday it's like she can't be satisfied with her day's work of torturing people if I'm not included in the list of people.

"Hello Cecilia. Rise and shine." She said with a smile on.

I stared at her boredly and clearly uninterested.

"Now, now it's not nice to not say 'hi' back."

She waited a little longer and still I didn't comply with her wishes.

"It's rude not to answer."

"…"

"Okay, Patty show dear Cecilia what happens to people that are rude." She ordered and then the girl behind me grabbed me by shirt again pulling my up and off my seat.

"What's happening here?" a stern voice cut in, the vice-principal. "We do not tolerate violence at this school."

And with that Patty dropped me back onto the bench.

Carol smile laughing a little. "Violence? No, no we were just playing around. Cecilia here is our friend."

The vice-principal raised her eyebrow unconvinced and then turned to me. "What's happening here?" she asked me.

I shrugged. "Nothing." I wasn't lying nothing was happening…nothing of importance to me, nothing that I cared about.

She didn't believe me but without a complaint she was really powerless. As this day goes by I just keep realizing just how powerless everyone in this school really is. The teachers, the vice-principal, probably even the principal herself. They can't hurt me, they can't do anything.

"Okay then, but if there is ever a problem you come to me."

"Whatever." I shrugged again. Not going to happen.

The vice-principal walked away and Carol's smile grew…or smirk…

"Dear Cecilia, my good friend, let's go outside where there are less prying eyes."

With that Patty had a firm grip on my shoulder and began to lead my outside along with Carol and the others. Getting a better look at Patty she was rather tall and big and strong. Well we can all see why Carol has her around, her brute strength. She so needed a personal body guard especially when she has about the whole school hating her, but of course also fearing her which keeps them nicely in line to control.

* * *

They lead me all the way to the back field behind some trees, I didn't even bother struggling. What's the point? I wasn't going to get anywhere and the worst they could do to me was beat me up and frankly just like everything else that happened today, I don't care. It'll just be another memory I put into the I-don't-want-to-remember-bin and leave it at that. 

Patty pushed me into the fence. I didn't make any effort to smooth the crash or to escape. Not that there'd be a point I'm out numbered and I really don't have the strength to deal with this. My face saved me from the impact…whatever…it didn't even cause any pain, I don't feel anything.

Right now one and only concern is those damn dreams, what's causing them and how do I get ride of them?

In them I could feel that little girl's fear. The fear that Carol can inflict is nothing compared to that little girl's. So this seems like nothing…

"You're still not in a very talkative mood today? What's wrong? Scared? Want your mommy?"

I wonder who that man was in the dream…are their really people in real life as sick as him? That would do that…to some poor defenseless girl? This world really is screwed up. How can some people be so…evil?

"Aren't you at least going to react? Squirm? Awww. Come on, it's no fun if you just stand there."

He was there again…Kai…why? It makes no sense! Nothing makes sense anymore…He appears…he always just…standing there!…like…like…ah…I don't even know… I don't know where I'm trying to get with this…I just…want it all to go away.

"Are you paying attention? Hey! Listen to me when I speak!" Carol yelled kicking snow into my eyes. That's when I came out of myself and realized I was now on the ground…she must have pushed me down at some point.

"What do you want?" I so don't care.

"Ohhh, someone's getting mad, trying to act tough are we? That's almost laughable." She said kicking some more snow at me.

I turned roughly away. She's gotten better at this bully thing. I just want to be left alone…I just **need** to be left alone! I need time to process…

"Hey…that's pretty…" she bent down and touched the locket around my neck. "It looks real…"

I hit her hand away and I held onto the locket. This is the one thing that I actually may remotely still care about…I don't know, I haven't decided yet but just having her touch it means it'll have to be washed.

"Defensive. I just wanted it before but now seeing how much you love it I need it. Give it to me."

"No. Go to hell."

"Give it to me.'

"No!"

"Well then…we'll just have to take it. Girls…"

I looked around properly for the first time, there was about five of them not including Carol and like hell I was going to take on Patty if I didn't absolutely need to. I got to my feet quickly and tried to make a run for it but I was pretty quickly pushed back against the fence. What a surprise that was.

"Hey, you know what girl? I don't know why but I also kind of like that shirt…" Carol added.

"Oh, I need that sweater she's wearing." Another girl joined in. "Its absolutely hideous of course but I think my dog would enjoy tearing it up."

"You know what always ticked me off? Her hair. I mean what is with it? The color itself just screams disaster." Saying this she ran her hand through my hair and then grabbed a part yanking it and my head back and that started the frenzy on pulling, grabbing and kicking at me.

I don't have the strength to fight…or to even scream or cry out…all I'm going to do is hold onto this locket as long as I can. It's the only thing that matters, I don't care about myself…I can hardly feel the kicks…I can hardly feel anything now…

Soon my vision was going. Maybe it was just from all the kicks I've taken to the head or it's just the fact that I don't want to see what's happening anymore but either way it was like I had gone blind. All I could hear was their voices and what they were planning on doing to me.

"Maybe we should leave her naked on the field."

"That's good but no one will ever see her with all this snow."

"Oh we could take picture, post them on the internet."

"Ah, the wonders of technology. You should be grateful Cecilia."

I could also feel their hands attempting to pull my clothes off.

"Don't worry, its fun. We'll take good care of you Cecilia." I heard whispered into my right ear.

"_Don't worry, it's fun…"_ I heard whispered into my ear again only this time it was a guy's voice…creepy one…his voice sent shivers down my spine and automatically put me into a panic… I wasn't so calm anymore…and I could feel pain again…I could feel someone on me…someone heavy. I opened my eyes and it was dark for some reason. I was against something...hard…metal, like a shelf…oh god no…

It was that man again. I could see him better this time though. He was tall…he's hair wavy and messy all over the place…long crooked sort of nose like it had been broken many times. His lips shaped that same smirk showing how amused he was. The only thing I couldn't see were his eyes…they were hidden.

I struggled as his hands pulled at my dress the force caused it to tear….dress…I wasn't wearing a dress…I wasn't wearing a dress…!

There wasn't much sound just his loud breathing…the silence was driving me insane…more so then usual.

I forced my eyes shut. Wake up. Oh my god. Wake up. Stop…I don't want to see this…I don't want to live this…I don't want to feel this…Stop…Just stop…

"Stop…stop…STOP!" I screeched and my eyes opened wide again and I was back outside but the fear still ran through me and I started to fight back, kicking and screaming trying to get them away. "Go away! Go away! Go away!" I yelled kicking harder and using my hands to push whoever away from me. In my mind I was still fighting him. In my mind he was my enemy and that made me fight even harder. I didn't want to look so I kept my eyes down as I fought. If I stop fighting for even a moment he'll win…if I stop it'll happen…it I stop he'll be in me… Can't stop…no…can't let it happen. No…no…

"NOOOO!" I screamed at the top of my lungs and I could feel tears running down my checks.

"Cecilia!" I heard someone calling my name…it was a guy's voice again…but it was…it wasn't…that…man's…no…but I did know this voice…I did…actually there was more then one calling to me…there were more then one…all guys though…people I know…who?...who?

"Cecilia, calm down. It's okay. Calm down."

It's a trick. Can't…I can't…it's a trick…If I stop...if I stop for even a second he wins…don't stop fighting…fight…fight…win… I kept telling myself that, to fight to win…yet somewhere in me I already knew I had lost… and a long time ago.

"It's just us!. .Look at me Cecilia. Look at me." Someone said taking their hand and forcing my head to turn to the right but I shut my eyes not wanting to see. I don't want to see…I don't…I just want to get away…I just…I just…want it to stop… "Open your eyes. It's okay!...its okay…" he said it more softly the second time. He ran his hand through my hair. "It's okay." He said again.

His voice…I've heard it before…many times…but it was never that soft…never that nice…never that comforting…never…

Slowly I opened my eyes just hoping that I would see that man…luckily I didn't instead there was Johnny. I sighed in relieve a little then panicked again. "Where'd he go!" I yelled pushing Johnny away and looking around to see the rest of them, my brothers…and Mariah who looked really confused. Welcome to the club of confusion, president and population: me.

"He? There was no 'he.' There was a group of girl, they ran away pretty beaten up and scared."

Girls?...girls…that's right…Carol and the others…it's all coming back now…It has not been a good couple days…

"Are you okay?" Rei asked.

"I'm fine."

"Really? Cause you didn't seem it a second ago."

"Well I am." …I'm not but whatever doesn't matter anymore…it's over…it's over, I just have to keep reminding myself that, and I also have to never sleep again…

I just noticed its freezing. I exhaled and watched as my breath seemed to freeze. The sweater I was wearing was laying a few steps away; my shirt was totally destroyed, ripped in a billion places, hair totally messed up but what's new? The cold wet snow had soaked into my pants so they were stuck to my skin. And for some reason I had one shoe on, must have kicked the other one off. I can't feel one of my feet now, my toes are going to freeze and fall off soon. But who cares? I don't. Whatever: my new favorite word.

"What exactly was that a moment ago?" Johnny asked out of the blue.

"What do you mean?" I snapped at him…I don't even know why I snapped at him…I just…did. Too many thought swarming in my head…I can't digest it all…

"You were having some kind of panic attack."

"I was not."

"Yelling, screaming, kicking. I think you were."

"I'm fine. Okay? Fiiiine. Do you not get that? Nothing is wrong, _nothing_." I stressed but stressing probably only made it more evident that something was wrong.

"Right…this wouldn't have anything to do with…that dream?" Rei asked.

Just by the mention of it…I seemed to lose it…I don't know… I just did… I couldn't restrain myself. I needed all the 'it's-okay,-count-to-ten,-just-let-it-go' attitude I could get at the moment because I just ran out. He hardly had time to finish the sentence when I just…jumped on it, totally attacked it and him…and…I have no control…and…too much anger… "It had nothing to do with that! I don't even know why you'd bring that up."

"The way you're reacting…I wouldn't say it had nothing to do with it…"

"Why are you analyzing me? I can act any way I feel like and I don't need a reason."

"I was just saying-"

"Stop pushing! I don't want to talk about it! I'm out of here!" I screamed….I screamed…why did I scream? We were…or he was talking calmly…why did I scream? Why do I keep screaming? It's like today, I've either been overly calm, so much so that I would say a word or make a sound or I'd be screaming, kicking and destroying things…I don't know. What's wrong with me?

Whatever, doesn't matter…I lost control and I screamed right before I took off full speed to the exit at the back of the school field. I kept running the whole way back with one shoe on. After a while I didn't even notice how cold I was…mainly because all my limbs were numb but I kept running faster then I've probably ever ran and longer then I've probably ever ran without stopping. It didn't matter that I was tired the only thing that did matter was that I wanted to get away from school so I just kept running until my feet brought me back to the house. Not my favorite place but I can't stand staying on the streets right now…too many people I don't know…strangers…all against me…plotting against me…I know it…they're evil….all of them…

* * *

I sat on my bed still in the wet clothes. I really don't see the point in changing, they'll dry eventually. I wrapped myself in my blanket and just sat there. I went to the first half of school that should be good enough...and really what's my mom going to do about it? Lecture me to death? Punish men? And what punishment can she really give me? Go to bed earlier then I already do? Whatever, going to bed doesn't mean going to sleep. She can't force me to do anything, no one can….and no one has the right to…

* * *

…I saw his face…it was like any other guy you would pass in the streets and not even give a second thought about, just regular, some guy…I saw his face…and it scared me… 

"Are you busy?"

"Tala…have you ever heard of knocking before sticking your head into someone's room?"

"We have been knocking for the last five minutes."

I didn't hear that…I've been zooming out again…I'm so out of it…and still snapping at people…well whatever! It's their own fault! Can't the world just leave me the hell alone!

"Well if there's no answer that means you're not welcome to enter."

He stuck in his hand and dangled something shiny…the locket…I thought Carol took it. When I didn't say anything he took that as a sign that they could enter all seven of them…even Enrique was there…and Kai…I don't want to see him…he was in all of them…every memory…I still can't figure out why…**if u count Tyson that makes seven…lol**

Tala brought the locket up to me and I grabbed it without hesitation and without a thank you…. "Where'd you find it?"

"It was in the snow when you left."

I looked at it for a while then secured my fingers around it, I'm never letting it go again…Now onto getting ride of these people… "Shouldn't you guys be out?"

"Out? Why?"

"It's November the 22nd, shouldn't you be out."

"Decided to stay that's all."

"Okay, fine. So what do you guys want?"

"Talk."

"Talk? Talk is useless." Talk! Ha, what's the point when no one listens?

"Then you don't have to talk, just listen."

I rolled my eyes…I just want you to leave…is that so hard? Leave me alone for like my whole life, I was invisible and now all they can do is bug me…Fine get this over with. "Fine, whatever you have to say, say it quick. I want to be alone so just spit it out and leave." I'm finding it really hard not to be a bitch right now…and guess what? I don't really care that I am. Why do I always have to be the nice one? The one that always just sits there when people insult me. I'm tired of it. I'll be a bitch if I want to, and I do so I am.

"Okay." Tala said sitting down at the end of my bed.

"Okay? So what do you want to talk about? Quickly here."

"It's about that…ummm…dream you had last night," Rei said not quite looking me in the eye.

"It's a dream, that's it. What's there to talk about?"

'It's complicated…but it…wasn't quite a dre-"

"It was a dream…a nightmare, okay? Whatever. You said so yourself. Nothing more."

"Just forget what I said last night. The fact it that-"

I interrupted him again…I didn't even mean to…it's like I don't want to hear the end of that sentence. I just…just don't…why are they doing this to me! "Alright, stop talking about this. Dream, nothing. You can all leave now if that's all you wanted to talk about."

"Can you just listen to me? For a second here."

"Don't you get it? I don't want to hear it. It. Was. A. Dream…I've settle on that. So just leave it be. I don't care about what you're trying to say. I don't care. I don't care! I don't care! Okay! Get it through your thick heads!"

"Well it's about you so you have to start caring."

"I don't have to start doing anything."

"Cecilia, it wasn't a dream."

"It was!" I cried almost like a five year old objecting to something that they just didn't want to accept and I guess that's exactly me right now.

"It's real, you know it that why you got so freaked out." Johnny just came out and said; even in a situation like this he's not very patient.

"Why are you telling me this? It was a dream. A dream, a fucking hell dream so just leave me alone!" I stumbled out of bed and pushed past everyone, I yanked open the door and stomped away.

"That went well…"

"Shut it Max, we said we were going to do this. Might as well do it quick and painlessly."

"That doesn't work for everything you know?"

Do they ever not fight? Or is that the only reason why they live? To fight and cause fights. Urg like I care so long as they leave me out of it.

"What are you going to do? Just keep denying something you know is true?" Johnny yelled to me from the end of the hallway. From the sound of it they were following me. Great. Wonderful. Fantastic. Urrrrrg I'm going to kill someone!

I stomped down the stairs and yelled back. "You know what! Fine! Yeah! That's what I'm going to do! So just shove the hell off!"

I sat at the bottom of the stairs and started to put on my shoes…they must have brought the other shoe back. I saw that they were all the top of the stairs from the corner of my eyes so I just shoved me foot in even though it was filled with snow….I didn't feel the cold this time… no…I wouldn't would I? The cold is nothing right now, a side story to something much bigger.

"Okay Johnny, you stay out of it this time."

"Fine."

"Where are you going?"

"Out…mainly away from here."

"You going to run away from all your problems?"

"Oh Tala, your much better then Johnny." I got up and headed for the door. I'm sick of this, I told them to leave me alone if they can't do that I'll find somewhere where I can be alone.

Tala sighed racing down the stairs to grab my wrist. "We need to talk about this and you need to listen."

"I told you I don't have to do anything and I don't want to listen to you guys…I just…don't!" I don't…I really…really…don't…

"I know you're scared."

"I'm not…I'm…I'm not scared…I'm fine."

"If you were really fine you wouldn't say you were over and over."

"Stop telling me what I am! If I say I'm fine then I am and I wouldn't have to repeat myself so many time if you didn't keep treating me as if I wasn't! I'm going now, so let go of me."

"No, you're staying."

I pulled my hand away and growled at the order…orders he's always giving orders, I'm sorry but when in hell did you become the king? "I told you to leave me alone!" I span around about to leave but instead I bumped into Rei who stood between me and the door. "Move..." but he didn't, I mean why listen to me? I'm half his size.

"Move!" I yelled again.

"No."

"Fine, I'll leave through the back." I turn around and there was Johnny. To the living room was Max. Basement, Enrique...and stairs was Tyson and Kai. I was trapped, cornered like a little rabbit about to be devoured…that's how I feel at least, my heart's definitely beating like one.

"Please, clam down and listen to us."

I shook my head almost uncontrollably as I back up onto a wall. I can never stop shaking can I? It's like nothing would listen to me anymore, not my body, my mind, my speech…all I could do was sort of slur everything…It was so hard to even get a sentence out. I had no control whatsoever. "I don't want to…I don't want to…"

"Because you know what we're trying to say…and that's its true."

I continued to shake and cover my eyes almost like I was squirming. I want to disappear…I want to disappear….disappear…disappear…I don't exist…I don't exist…I don't want to exist…I don't want to know…

"That day…was bad for all of us…" It was bad for all of you…but it was worst for me…it was worst for me…and the worst part is that…

"I-I…I-I…saw his face…" my voice croaked, all my strength to say that and when I said it, tears seemed to form at my eyes again…I couldn't help it…it was like all I could do was cry. A ball formed in my throat…I seemed to lose all feeling in my body…losing all strength…I feel so weak…next thing I knew I was on my knees, I didn't even feel the pain when they hit the marble floor…all physical pain was nothing compared to this feeling…this feeling that was spreading…this…this…disease "I saw his face…." I repeated. "I saw his sick twisted face…he…he…w-was smiling the whole time…w-wh…w-whispering into this ear…" I touched my right ear…staring at the ground, almost in a trance…I was reliving it again…for the millionth time today. I knew it wasn't a dream…it felt too real the whole time…I could hear his voice, feel his breath…his touch…at times I could actually feel him on top of me…it's…it's sick… "I keep seeing his face when I close my eyes staring back at me…laughing…and when I don't, I hear his voice…his amused voice…telling me not to worry…_its fun... '_Don't worry, its fun'… _'_Don't worry, its fun'… _'_Don't worry, its fun' That son of a bitch!...that…that…son of a bitch…Make him stop…make him stop…please!...please… I just want him to stop. Stop…please…stop…stop…" This is when I broke…just fell apart…I couldn't stop repeating stop…stop…stop…I'd do anything to make it stop…to make myself forget…I'll be a good, volunteer at hospitals, save sick kids, dedicate my life to others and doing good, so long as I can make this feeling go away…

Please…stop…

**And so yes…the world is a very scary and evil place…let's all be careful now…lol:P  
I really am sorry this chapter toke me like forever to post…haha…my bad, my bad…but I've gotten into writing again:D…I think it's English…English always does this to me…though it was better with my last teacher…my new one's okay and all…except for the whole healing power of stories thing…-.-…anyway….no one cares, so I'm just gonna shut up:D R&R even though I've been a really stupid lil girl:P**


	15. I'm Too Weak

**Hi all! I promised myself I'd do my computer project right now...but then I looked at the information about nanotechnology and said "Screw it!"...they use complicated words...that I haveta be in the right mood to understand...haha. So yes this is what I decided to do instead. See I said I was in a writing mood...and I was and this chapter finished a while ago...but I kept forgetting to update...and I may have been in a writing mood...but I don't think I was in the right writing mood...You'll get it when you read it...haha:P  
Disclaimer: Me own certain stuff...but me no own all stuff...like all the charaters except the main and some minor nobobies...:D  
**

**Chapter 15 – I'm too weak**

Life is one thing after another and when it's not it's absolutely nothing. That's where I am right now: the land of the nothing, where nothing matters and everyone just drifts. If you're wondering where I am or what I am doing, I wouldn't be able to tell you because I don't know. I don't know what's happening; I don't know where I am or what day it is. I know nothing…and yet I don't care.

I guess this is what happens to you when you stop sleeping: your brain shuts down, your eyes hurt and your body ceases function.

There's a lady standing in front of me…she talks a lot…She's talking but I can't hear her…no, all I hear is that tape playing itself in my head. It's got some neat new features like freeze frame, slow motion, and better picture and sound unfortunately still no mute, fast forward, or stop. Not that it really matters; I've given up on trying to make it to stop because I know it never will. I feel as if I could never not feel the way I do right now, empty and dead.

It's happened, I've lost myself. I can't remember what used to make me happy, what used to make me laugh. I can't remember a time when I didn't just stand by watching the world pass me by, sitting here just waiting to die. I can't remember anything but that day…can't even change my facial expression; it's been stuck on nothing for the longest time.

**------Rei's P.O.V.----------**

There she goes, losing herself in her thoughts. I can't imagine what's going through her mind right now and I don't want to. It's amazing how the mind works, first it blocked out that day now it blocks out everything and everyone but that day. It's all she ever thinks or dreams about. It's consumed her.

Today is exam review day, meaning exams are over. It is now January and she's been like this for two months, feels longer though. She doesn't eat unless you practically force it down her throat, I have never seen anyone so thin and pale in my life, it's like she's withering away. I've never seen anyone as completely lost and clueless as her. How does someone go from being so full of life to an empty shell? Or better question how does someone reverse it? Last time she was only like this for about a week then one day magically she was all better. She bounced down the stairs as if nothing had happened and she didn't remember that day and she didn't remember Kai.

I would have to say that her eyes are the scariest thing about her now, like two empty holes. No emotions, no signs of life, not sad, not happy just cold and dead. She's absolutely clueless of her surroundings, nothing matters anymore.

There are five stages of grief that was defined by Elsabeth Kubler-Ross in her book _On Death and Dying_, but they are really just the stages everyone goes through everyday, possibly even more then once, it's more the 5 stages of coping with change. Most people have probably heard of them they are: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and then finally Acceptance.

Denial, anger and bargaining just swooped by for her then depression came…and here we are two months later and nothing's changed. Time heals all wounds…yeah right. Time has possibly made things worst, I think she keeps remembering more the more time she has. Is it possible to never reach the final stage of acceptance?

There's one stupid thing about these 5 stages of grief and that is that the final stage, acceptance, isn't really the _final_ stage, then there's something called TEAR. T starts off where the 5 stages of grief finished which is To accept the reality of the loss or change. E is Experience the pain of the loss or change. A is Adjust to the new environment and then finally R is Reinvest in the new reality.

I wonder if all this psychology junk is true… but I have been reading…probably too many books for my own good to give myself some sort of reassurance that all will be okay…but all they ever gave me were _coulds_ and _maybes_. I hate uncertain things. In this dark world we live in there should at least only be yes or no, not any in between-ies, maybes and I don't knows.

Quite frankly, ignorance was bliss.

After the teacher was done talking, and I had convinced her that the only thing wrong with Cecilia was that she was over worked and tired I lead Cecilia out into the hallway.

Her eyes shifted for side to side trying to figure out what was happening. She was confused…Looks like she's crawled out of herself for a little while…that's good…the periods of time when she's actually aware of her surroundings are getting rarer.

"…Rei…" she whispered softy, quietly….it was so quiet it can hardly be considered a whisper…more just like liping the word. "W-who…" her voice got a little louder; it hasn't been used much so I guess it needed to be warmed up a little. "…Who was that women talking to me before?..."

"It…it was no one. Doesn't matter, let's just go home. Here, turn around." I told her, I slipped her arms into her jacket then I turned her around again and zipped up her jacket…just like she was a kid.

"H-home?...w-where's home?...I-I…can't…remember…." …she was desperately trying to remember though…

She remembered this morning…she knew where it was this morning…at this rate I'm afraid I'll wake up tomorrow and she won't remember me…

"It's okay; you'll remember when you get there…" I hope…I put my arm around her and guided her down the hallway. Surprisingly a lot of people had shown up today.

"Wha…what's happening…?" her voice…it was so weak….so broken…

"We're just going to turn here okay? There's too many people here."

"People…people?...I…I…don't see anyone…there's no one here…there's no one…I don't see anyone…where are we going? Where are you taking me! We're not going to see that man are we?... I don't want to…I don't want…no…don't make me Rei...Rei…don't make me…" she was breathing hard…and yelling…loud…she was shaking, so much it looked as though her legs were going to give in…that man, every time he'd do this to her…

"No, no. Cecilia we're not going to see that man…Don't worry, it'll be okay."

"I don't want to see him…Rei…I don't want to see him…" she cling to me….like I was her shield that would save her from anything…I wish I was…

"You don't have to….just trust me. Let's go this way."

People were starting to stare…

"Trust…I…trust…Rei." She said…calming down...her voice was soft once again…it was like she only had two volumes, one as quiet as a mouse and another that could break the sound barrier. She loosened her grip on my arm.

"Is…is…this home?"

I nodded as we walked into the driveway and towards the house. She looked around…I can't read her, she makes it difficult sometimes.

She placed one of her palms on the brick wall and closed her eyes. Really I don't know what she's attempting, it's almost like she was trying to listen to the house.

"How about we go in now?" I asked her as the wind started up, blowing the leaves and dirt off the ground and into our faces.

She didn't answer for a while so I repeated the question; sometimes she just didn't hear me even when she's standing right next to me.

"…in?...what's inside?"

"Well…Tala's inside…and everyone else."

"T-Ta…la…" she whispered softly to herself repeating it until it seemed she finally understood what I had just said and ran inside. I followed suit.

She burst through the door with energy that she seemed to pull out of no where. The first thing she did was drop her bag as she smothered Tala in a hug like a little four year old clinging to their parent on their first day of school.

Tala patted her on the head, treating her like she was a four year old and he was the dad. "It's okay Cecilia. Why don't you go over with Tyson in the Kitchen for a little while?"

"Ta…la…I want to be with Tala…"

"Just for a second." Tala repeated taking her hand and handing it to Tyson. She seemed really sad as Tyson dragged her away to the other room.

**-------3rd Person's P.O.V.-------**

"Well…that's always different…" Max commented on her newly acquired clinginess.

Some of then made a noise to acknowledge that they heard Max, most just sat there.

Max sighed at the fact that he was the one that always had to make the attempt at a conversation now. "I'm surprise she listened to you. When I talk to her she either nods or ignores me."

"Selective listening; if you're talking about something she doesn't want to talk about she tunes you out subconsciously of course. She's not ignoring you, she can't hear you. What we need is someone her brain won't…or more likely can't tune out."

They all seemed to simultaneously turn their eyes towards the blue-nette leaning on the windowsill, staring out at the snow.

He felt about five sets of eyes focusing on the back of his head. "No." Not now, not ever. That is what he had decided. If she didn't want to talk to him then the idiot part of him told him not to talk to her. It was like getting mad at someone for being mad at you. Stupid, but it wasn't really that Kai was mad at her or anything it was more his attempt to give her space. When and if she ever wanted to she could always talk to him…not that he'd really have anything special to say back to her… So it was decided in his mind. She would talk to him that's it that's all. Simple.

* * *

Kai cursed under his breath, someone was going to die for this. How did he get forced into this again? Right they kept staring at him which secretly drove him insane! Really imagine five sets of eyes doing nothing but staring at you for over an hour, drilling holes in your head with their eyes. Creep you out much? Don't lie, it gets pretty damn annoying! 

With people he didn't know it was easy enough to give them a glare and watch them run away but with people that actually knew him; that never worked. He could never get them to get the hell away from him when he needed to.

There he was again pacing back and forth in front of the _same_ girl's room. You know when you're Kai this is not how it's suppose to go. The girl drools over the guy! Not the other way around!...not that he was drooling…or obsessing or anything. Hey! He didn't even want to be here in the first place! It paints a pretty picture though, the high and mighty Kai, getting all worked up over such a little thing as going in and talking to some girl. Funny really.

Jeez, if she hadn't talked to him in two whole months and freaks out every time he even gets near her, why the hell would she suddenly want to talk to him now? He just did not see their logic in all this.

Maybe giving her that locket was not the brightest idea he ever had. It was the damn egotistic part of his brain's fault for all this! Thinking he could do that, he could do this; he could fix anything and everything! Well you can't fix shit when she won't even look at you without losing it, you idiot!

Somehow he had been linked to that whole day, like if she hadn't known him it wouldn't have happened? Or something. Who knew how her crazed little mind functioned now-a-days.

All he knew was now he had a huge problem and for the first time in his life he was getting what some would call butterflies…or the Kai equivalent of butterflies, whatever that is.

It's quite simple what they wanted him to do; he had gone over it in his head over and over. Walk in there. Talk to her. Possibly get her to eat. Like the idiotic people downstairs had said "If anybody could do it, it's you." That's like a cheesy line you use to encourage scared low self-esteemed losers…is that what he had become? Of course not!

Kai placed his slightly sweaty hand on the door knob. He took a deep breath in then turned the knob and pushed open the door.

She was sitting by the window. Her hair tangled and hanging all over her face. She didn't notice him because if she had she wouldn't be that calm. She reached out her hand and touched the window like she was trying to reach out to someone, in a trance.

Kai reluctantly entered and closed the door behind him. She didn't move. She must have seen something mighty interesting on the other side of that window.

Kai held her dinner in his hand and he placed it on a table as he took a step closer.

"Don't come any closer." Her voice was firm, in control. She was still in there somewhere. "I don't want to talk to you…I don't…" by the time she had said 'I don't' the second time her voice had became soft again…weak. She trailed off and continued to stare out the window, like he wasn't even there, like she didn't even notice him.

Awkward…Kai was getting used to that feeling…if that's possible.

She continued, "I know…that…" and then stopped again like she was waiting for him to interrupt her or something like in a dramatic scene in a soap opera where no one ever gets to finish their sentence and everyone would burst into random scenes of kissing and then fighting then kissing again and so on…but that's not quiet what was going to happen. Fighting, sure…Kissing? We're not at that point of weird yet.

She's really developed interest in the whole being a statue thing. How long could one person possibly sit and stare at the same spot on the same window without moving? Or speaking…well the answer is quite long time.

Kai hoped that she would start talking again but after a few minutes it was pretty clear that, that wasn't going to happen. Now would be the best time for Kai to suddenly show his more talkative side…that is supposing he has one and considering the fact that he hasn't spoken since he entered the room we can all safely assume that this talkative side does not exist. Well he's just have to make some sort of effort then!...

Silence…

Any effort at all…

Silence…

A word…

Silence…

A sound?

…Nope, not even a little noise, typical. Guessing Kai's really wishing that the bed would suddenly combust or something to cause her to react or to give him a reason to run like the wind as far as possible from that room.

There was one thing Kai always hated doing and it was comforting someone. Seriously what is one supposed to say in these situations? 'What's wrong?' Now that's just lame and considering he already knew what the problem was that question would just be stupid. Let's see, what other crappy lines do people use in the movies? 'Everything's going to be okay.'? Yeah right! How exactly? 'I'm here. I'll make everything better.'? Now that one's laughable. Kai wasn't Superman; he couldn't fly around the Earth really quickly and turn back time because that's about the only way he could make things all better again.

Kai was starting to wonder how the hell he did this in the past. Maybe he was just more social before he got sent to the school from hell…but then again he doubted it. He is not a social person and most likely never was. Some people were just born to make friends and attract attention while others like Kai were just meant to do the opposite, scare them away.

Why was it that everything seemed easier in his head? Why did life never go according to plan? But then again it was stupid of him to think everything would be better if she just remembered him. Nothing in life is ever that simple. No, now she had 'extreme psychological issues to sort out' as some exceptionally unhelpful psychiatrist had pointed out. Spend thousands of dollars, five years at med school then another ten years training to become a psychiatrist and that was all she could tell them. Better hope your doctors that receive about half that amount of education are more competent.

After a long while of just standing there Kai was beginning to think that he would combust soon so he said the only thing anyone's ever said to comfort him when he was small which was, "Suck it up." nice, no? "Life is hard; it wouldn't be life if it wasn't. How's lying down and playing dead going to suddenly solve everything?" and this is what happens when you send a slightly damaged person to go fix another slightly damaged person. It's like the blind leading the blind…right off a cliff.

Kai new-changed-oh-so-wonderful tactic, instead of comforting her was to just get some sort of reaction out of her because the first step to being human and alive is to actually react to things.

Unfortunately she didn't. Ignoring people had become somewhat of another new talent of hers. Kai was beginning to think that she should just be one of those people that stood on the streets downtown and pretended to be a statue while everyone threw money at them. So much of her not being able to tune him out. **(lol..i saw 1 of those and I spent like 10mins trying to figure out if it was really a statue or a person:P)**

Change of tactic now? He really should stop treating this as if it was a battle and he needed a strategy in order to 'win.'

There were about a million possible things that Kai could say in this situation but everything just seemed too much like a line out of a corny scene in a movie and whatever it was he was going to force himself to say he wanted it to at least sound remotely like something he would say…even if it was something he would only say if he were extremely drunk….or near death, but then again maybe not even then. When he died he wanted to go out like he was, not a lame person trying to be wise.

Kai took a step forward, with a theory that if he was actually next to her she's actually hear him when he talked to her…that is for when he actually knew what he was going to say. Would saying something stupid and mean again work? Because really it was all he was good at doing, being overly blunt.

"…don't…just…don't…come nearer…" she pleaded…with fear in her voice…

Fear that was ticking Kai off just a little. Here he was trying to the best of his ability to help her or whatever and there she was being afraid of him! And for what reason really?

"I…I…traced back every memory…they all had one thing in common…you. You were in all of them…and every time I remembered something it was because of you…I-I…don't want to remember anything else…"

There was two ways that Kai could have taken this information. As an 'I don't know what to say to that' or as a reason to get mad…er because all she was doing was wallowing in self-pity. And because he had already done the 'I don't know what to say' thing he decided on option two.

Kai was never one to take care of little babies that did nothing but sit there and moped, he couldn't stand it. If you don't like something get up and change it otherwise learn to live with it, that's what he was taught. It's true other people can make it so that your life is crap but if all you do is cry about it then you've basically accepted defeat then it's your fault that your life remains as it is, crap.

He didn't get it, she wasn't this pathetic loser. She was always the one that would fall and scrape her knee then the next second be up on her feet again running around while everyone else chased after her yelling and screaming at her to slow down before she died of blood lost. She would simply yell back 'I'm fine' and continue running…until of course she fell again. Obviously her injury is a little more severe then a scrape on the knee and events in life can change or reshape a person but at the end of the day you are who you want to be. Like a person that was raised by a violent drunken family won't necessarily become a violent drunken person. In the end it was your decision that determined the kind of person you are or that you will become. You determine your level of happiness.

"You can't just pretend that certain things in your life didn't happen. Deal with it."

"I heard you the first time… 'Suck it up. Life is hard; it wouldn't be life if it wasn't. How's lying down and playing dead going to suddenly solve everything?'" she repeated what he had said word for word. Her brothers were right, she couldn't tune him out. "… It wouldn't solve anything…but right now I'm not strong enough to do anything but this…and I don't care that you think that I'm weak…I don't care what you think about me…because at the end of it all, you were like everyone else…you left." her voice was dry, dead…emotionless, done better then Kai could.

"W-What?" he knew what she was talking about…but it was more of an I-didn't-expect-her-to-say-that 'what.'

"I knew you back then right?…and then you left…just left."

"I…" Kai was a little taken by surprise…she was angry…because he left…but it wasn't like he had a choice. Assault was a crime no matter who it was to and it was either Reformatory School or…well there was no other option! "I had to go away."

"That's what you said before…I didn't really believe you at the time. I didn't think it could happen…but then…you just stopped showing up. I remember it hurt so much to think about you…and eventually it hurt more to think about you…then the…the other thing. It hurt so much…that eventually I forced myself to forget…and then I was back to normal but not really…I kept feeling like I was missing something…but I couldn't remember what…It was stupid, I've lived a really stupid life…" Now it was more like she was talking to herself then to him, but that was okay because it wasn't really like Kai had anything to say anyways. He was a listener not a talker.

"But now…I don't consider you leaving the worst thing in the world anymore…maybe I did before because I didn't really understand what the hell…_rape_ was…And just so you know, it's not something you just…get over. It screws up everything. I don't know what's what anymore…all I know is that day…that day was real…and that's all I can think about…I see a little more every time…he has pale skin…his ears are large compared to his face…his hair's…blonde…dark…blond…lips thin, his mouth long…finger nails dirty…broken…his thumb…he's missing half his thumb nail…his hands are big…rough…dry…I could feel them against my skin…his teeth…I can notice all those things…but I've never even seen his face but he can see, all too clearly …I…I…d-don't want to talk about it anymore…" She stopped realizing that she had said a little more then she wanted to, like she had finally said it, _rape_, that's what happened to her…instead of _that _day or _it_ she just…said rape…and for some reason it made her feel…better?...or a little. The really stupid part was that she didn't even realize until she let slip some other things. She didn't understand how she could be mad at him and yet tell him things she was too ashamed to tell her brothers.

Quickly she switched back to her silent-might-as-well-be-dead mode. Her eyes once again lost that little light that showed that she was alive, that she had thoughts and feelings somewhere in there. Her eyes returned to their previously clouded state. "Just…go away…" she whispered before directing her attention back to the window. Just like that any personality she was showing just washed away.

* * *

"Wow…went that badly…" Max said as he listened to Enrique recap the events, who as usual was eavesdropping on the whole thing. Although Max was already able to tell it went bad when he saw Kai storming down the stairs. He was now brooding in the corner. 

"Well…really it depends how you look at it. On one hand he did get her to talk…and quite a lot but then again on the other hand he got the…umm…bitchier side of her…which has never been a good sign. So basically she talked to him but she hates him now."

"Like you should talk, you aren't exactly her favorite person either. I mean the last time you two talked. You were half naked and she said she hated you."

"Well thank you for opening up old wounds," Enrique faked a hurt look, "And, first of all, young, native Maxie-

"I'm only a year younger then you!-"

"A year is still younger, and don't interrupt your elders." Max rolled his eyes not wanting to fight with Enrique, because well with him there's no winning. Max huffed and Enrique continued talking. "She can hate more then one person and actually no, she doesn't hate me. Her feelings have gone from hatred to a mild dislike; it can only continue to get better. I mean really, I can picture her staying mad at Kai forever but who in their right mind could stay mad at wittle old me? I am her brother after all." to that he made an innocent-sweet-love-me look.

Yup, Enrique had started being in a better mood for a while now. Ever since Cecilia had gone into her ultra depressed mode she only remembered a selected number of people and Enrique being one of them let him know that she didn't hate him. Knowing that made him happy, probably too happy for his own good.

Kai growled wishing the idiot would just shut up, he was talking as if there was some sort of invisible force field preventing Kai from hearing what he was saying even though they were currently in the same room.

He had a bad feeling about going in there in the first place. If he had just stayed with his when-she-was-ready-thing he could guarantee that things would have ended up differently. This was the last time he was going to go against his initial gut feeling and listen to these people.

This is why he never talked to anyone. If you have nothing to say just don't say anything at all. Why force yourself to sound stupid?

Well at least that was another experience to add to Kai's long list. Now he knew without a doubt that he would never become any sort of counselor. For one thing he probably wouldn't even care about the hundreds of random people telling him their problems and another thing was that he could definitely **not **comfort people. After talking to him most would probably just go commit suicide somewhere.

Hey, it's not his fault he has no sympathy for other people. Reformatory school does that to you.

A reformatory school defined as an institution that holds and trained juveniles up to the age of around sixteen when they were convicted of an offence punishable by imprisonment. Saying military school just always sounded better than reformatory, though they were similar. Military school you only go to when your parents force you while reformatory school was when the law forces you. Though really no one considered what Kai did as an 'offence.' It was more…like karma, what goes around comes around, and he definitely had it coming.

It was eight years ago… Kai remembered it well. It was supposed to be a happy day. She had been looking forward to it for weeks. Talking about it none-stop, six was apparently a very important age. Why? Because she said so.

Kai didn't want to admit it but that day as one of the few things he actually dwelled on, don't go so far as to say he got sad about it, but he certainly thought about it a lot and remembered it well. The instant they noticed she went missing, the hours that it seemed they spent looking for her, the moment she seemed to find him and most of all what happened afterwards. How she seemed to have died, every ounce of her personality and spirit was gone, just evaporated. It was like she was there but…she wasn't there. He remembered how for the second time in his life he felt useless. Really what's the point in being intelligent or being good at anything if you couldn't do such a simple thing as helping someone?

In the end they did catch him…but had to let him go. Something about doing some sort of procedure wrong. So basically he was let go on a technicality. That was just plain stupid, if you're guilty, you're guilty, it shouldn't matter if you were arrested in the wrong way, or evidence was collected wrong, at the end of the day you committed the crime and your ass should be in jail for it. But hey that's just how stupid the justice system was, there was more laws protecting the offender then the victim.

This was all eight years ago, eight years ago since her sixth birthday and eight year ago since Kai had sent that bastard well nearly to his grave. It isn't as hard as it sounds for a nine year old to send a grown pedophile to the hospital. Think about it, pedophiles are just cowardly adults that prey on defenseless children. How strong do you really have to be to do something as sick as that? How powerful does one truly have to be to corner a little girl? Obviously not very strong at all, you just have to be mighty twisted. Size didn't really matter; spineless worms always get eaten in the end, it wasn't what you'd call hard. Finding the idiot wasn't exactly difficult either, once you have someone's name you could find out anything and everything about them, from where they lived to what kind of toilette paper they used.

Kai growled thinking back to what she had said before about not being strong enough. That wasn't true, because no matter what happened she would just bounce back up and she could do it again…or at least he hopes, well maybe this was all just a little bit of positive thinking…

**------Normal P.O.V-------**

I'm not strong enough. Isn't that stupid? I'm never strong enough, no matter what I'm going through in life, even when it's idiotic and trivial. And every time I think it can't be worst then that, lo and behold, something worst. It's almost funny, if I were in a poke fun at my life mood.

I used to separate my life into two sections, the storm and the calm before the storm. It was always easy to tell which was which. The storm was when I felt crazy, like I was being pulled into every direction dealing with some sort of crisis. The calm before the storm is when I felt like there's absolutely nothing to life. Where there's no problem, nothing making me sad but nothing making my happy either, so it leaves me feeling like I'm just shit at the bottom of people's shoes. Sometimes it felt like this phase was worst then the actual storm but there was always hope at those times.

Throughout my whole life…or at least the parts I can remember, I've always felt some strong feeling. I was always either really over ecstatically happy or so down in the dumps that _my own mother couldn't recognize me_. **(yeah stuff in italics is what my mommy always says..."you're so something somethin your own mother wouldn't recognize you!"...but in chinese...lol, it was stuck in my head so i wrote it in)**

This time I'm not so sure where I am. I feel like…not even crap, just nothing, an empty pit. It was like in one split second a part of my soul was cut out and stolen. I can't seem to find enjoyment in anything. At times I really want to go out and be like I was, but then that feeling would quickly fade and I'd be back to sitting there. I can't even be bothered to care about the people or things around me. From times to time I can't see them or hear and when I do I can't recognize their faces or their voices. Sometimes I can't even hear my own thoughts…

I've found something worst then death, to continue living with nothing to live for, no good memories to hold on to and the people around me, even though they are there, just seem like faint shadows in the background. Struggle as I might, I can't bring them to the surface, can't see them behind the black clouds…can't remember their names.

I'm too weak.

* * *

**So...umm...yeah...weird chapter, right?...lol...I think it's cause this was supposed to be a serious chapter...but when I wrote it I was happy, possibly overly happy...so the words I used and the tone of the whole chapter is sorta off wack.  
So yeeah...I don't know if I should even ask you to review a chapter as weirdly worded as this one...so I'm not going to. Instead I'm going to say Thanks for the reviews from the last chapters:D You people are always so nice!...and Thanks for reading!  
**  



	16. The bad, the worst and the…wrong?

**You know like two chapters ago, I said I was into writing again? Well apparently that worn off very, VERY quickly…lol? You see I think I like the thought of writing more then the actual sitting there and writing…I'd like to blame it on school…cause school is very tiring when you try to do well…but even when summer started I didn't write…I don't really know why…? I'd have to say truthfully…it's probably because I've become lazy... **

**Number of things I did this summer worth mentioning: zeeero! Yes, I think I downloaded and watched about a million animes…and that's about all…So yes if you can picture me by the computer as the sun and moon takes turns rising and setting in the background with some random people walking about…then it's like you were with me during the last like month? Glad you can join the madness:D**

**Disclaimer: I own…stuff…but not all the stuff in this world…or in this story. Just some characters and other stuff…well you know what I mean…STUFF!**

* * *

**Chapter 16 – The bad, the worst and the…wrong?**

The clock ticked over and over as seconds, minutes and hours passed by. She was sitting in that seat by the window, in that exact same position when the sun began to set last night, she sat in there as it got darker and darker out, until it wasn't even possible to see out the window but she continued staring at it anyway. She stayed there all night, staring out the window even as the sun began to rise again.

As the sun slowly rose, light shower over the outside world, relieving a fresh layer of snow over the streets, the cars, and the houses. Everything was white, like frosting over a cake, glittering and shinning as it reflected the suns rays. Soon the light from the sun shone through the window, lighting up the once dark room.

And then there was nothing special again, the clock continued to tick as life continued to pass. Soon the clock hit six thirty and the alarmed sounded. The song continued, getting louder and louder with every second and yet still she didn't move.

It went on until it was loud enough to wake a sleeping Rei curled up under his blanket. Rei reached out his hand, turning off the alarm. Then slowly he poked his head out of his blankets and rubbed his eyes. The first thing he saw as he woke up was his sister sitting in the same place as when he had fallen asleep the night before. He sighed and shook his head as he sat up and got out of bed.

Same as it's been for a while, she doesn't sleep.

The day started off like any other day in the life of a disturbed teen…

* * *

She walked down the hall and even in her current emotional state…she could feel something was wrong…but what was it? Right as she entered the school that morning she was suddenly pushed out of herself, like a gush of wind had managed to seep inside her head, and was strong enough to push her thoughts on something else. 

There wasn't anything different about the school…not at all, well not as far as she could tell at least. It all looked about right from what she remembered…which wasn't much anyway; her brain refused to work properly. There were people in the halls by their lockers with their friends. They talked, they laughed; it was all normal…and yet it didn't feel that way. It felt like a storm cloud was gathering up and it was about to pour…on her and only her.

As she continued down the hallway with Rei by her side, she heard a laugh- a long almost never ending laugh- that pierced all other sound. Her old instincts came flooding back and told her that something bad was coming…but then she collected herself and remembered that nothing could hurt her anymore. It was impossible…she convinced herself that no one could hurt her as much as that _person_ did…no, she would never let anyone have the advantage over her again. **No one** would ever get close enough to damage her but she realized that it also meant that no one would ever get close enough to save her either. It was all okay though, she didn't want to be saved. After all, without her misery who would she be?

Nonetheless, no matter how much she reassured herself that there was nothing in the world that could hurt her anymore; it didn't change the fact that there are a lot of unexpected things that can happen in this world. The fact of it all was that danger and pain laid dead ahead; and it came in the form of a girl named Carol.

Cecilia entered the packed cafeteria and silence seemed to erupt inside the large room. **(silence erupting? Oxymoron!) **Within seconds of her entrance, the room had become like a funeral where any noise was strictly forbad and punished. Everyone in the room seemed to be holding their breaths even the wind outside appeared to have stopped blowing. The trees stood so still; not a single leaf dared to move. It was the dangerous calm before the storm.

It was quite clear she had caused this stillness, this immobility in everyone around her…but for what reason? Why were they staring…like she was some sort of rare specimen that would reveal the secrets of life and immortality? Even the teachers seemed to fall under the deep spell.

"Well, well, well…if it isn't our dearest Cecilia…" A harsh and angered voice broke the silence but it also seemed to be filled with joy and pride. Carol stepped out through the crowd, smirking. She stood in front of Cecilia in her same old condescending stand which seemed to scream out Carol's narcissistic thoughts of her own perfection. Though today, her face didn't quite fit into that 'perfection'; her lip was cut and it was evident that she had some major bruises by her eye that even a heavy layer of makeup could not cure.

At the sight of Carol her heart beat loudly and began to speed up. Why…?

"What's going on?" Rei demanded an answer though he could feel in his bones that he would not like the answer.

She couldn't control it…her heart was racing now. …won't it stop?

"Oh, you didn't receive this week's school newspaper? Well here," her smile grew as she handed Rei a folded up newspaper, "you can have mine. I'm done with it."

No, it wasn't Carol causing this reaction… It was what she held in her hand, what she was presently handing over to Rei. Her fingers twitched and shook at the sight of Rei unfolding it. Her knees were weak…

Rei's eyes couldn't believe what they were reading. 'Why?' he thought. He wanted to but couldn't stop looking at the words printed on the paper. 'Why?...' He scanned the front page article and with every word his heart sank. 'Why!' The paper began to shake wildly as he could no longer keep his hands still from the anger which built up in him. It seemed to seep out like a volcano about to erupt.

"WHY!" Rei finally screamed from the top of his lungs. "Why would you print this?" He screamed at no one in particular, just at everyone. "Why would you let them print this!" He redirected his rage to the teachers, who didn't seem to be doing anything about the situation. "It's not funny, it's not at the least bit entertaining, it's not for your enjoyment! …this…this has no reason to be on here!"

Cecilia's heart skipped a beat when her eyes got their first glimpse of the paper…for a minute her heart seemed to stop…she couldn't breathe… The title of the article flashed before her eyes over and over… 'Rape…' The words swirled all around her…she understood why they were staring now. It's because she's dirty…Now they all knew every detail… now they knew her shameful secret…they knew she was tainted…

'I'm foul…I've been contaminated…defiled…I'm a disease…and now they know it…they all do… They'll hate me…because I'm filth... because I'm not clean…' Thoughts entered her mind and they whirled about refusing to stop. They all reassured her insignificance…her worthlessness in the world.

With a loud bang which silenced Rei, all her belongings fell to the ground and she bolted out the door and down the corridor.

'I can't let anyone see me…can't let them see my disgraceful face…They know…they all know. I just want to disappear!'

Rei ran out into the hallway but before he could stop her she was already at the other end. He called out her name but it had not effect. She was long gone.

"Pfft. What a baby. Jeez, the article didn't even say anything mean, just stated the facts. In my opinion it was one of my better works. I especially like the title I came up with ' ' It just gets you, doesn't it?" Carol said indifferently as she examined her nails.

"You?" Rei roared as he turned to face her, his face red and filled with anguish.

"Well yeah. I felt it was my duty, after all there's a rape victim in our school meaning there must be a rapist not far away."

"That was over **eight** years ago! There is no rapist, he's gone!"

"Oh," she shrugged, "well next time I'll be sure to do my research better."

Rei's temper flared up and every fiber in his body screamed for him to punch her, to knock her out, to make her bleed, to make her hurt…to make her pay!… but he knew it would do no good. He had to find Cecilia so instead he ran down the hall after his sister.

"Ha, thought he would at least try to take some kind of revenge for his sister but it's to be expected. I mean he may look good but he does share the same blood at that _Cecilia_ so obviously he's a wuss. Anyway that's what she deserves for doing this to my precious fac-"

"Stop it Carol! Just shut up!" a girl's voice shouted.

"Oh, no need to get angry or anything Ms. Editor. I intend to give you all the credit you deserve. I mean without you how would I possibly have been able to get my article onto the school's newspaper."

"Don't try to blame this on me! How could you have written this!"

"Well it was 100 percent true you know? And don't act all high and mighty; you knew very well what I was up to."

"I knew you wanted to get back at her…but to announce something like this to the whole school?"

"Oh come on you guys! You love this, watching people fall! Admit it! You love watching people like her at their weakest moments, laughing at them and making fun of them. That's why every school always has someone like me supplying the entertainment. It's in us, all of us including the teachers! We love to see people in pain it distracts us from our own. That's why you guys were silent; you were all enjoying the show too much."

"No Carol. We weren't enjoying it; we were all silent because we didn't know what to say! We didn't want to offend her or make it worst on her like you just did! And it may all be true about the darkness in our hearts or whatever that heals us with the sufferance of others- I know I feel that sometimes at my darkest moments- but there's a limit to everything! There's a line that must not be crossed and with this little stunt, you, Carol have crossed it!"

* * *

She could feel her brain had started to function again. It was had perfect control, she actually noticed cars, animals and other people. It was making her legs go…they moved quickly dodging past the people on the streets never stopping for a second. It was leading her somewhere.  
'You're leading me where I don't want to be...aren't you?' Her question was answered as her legs came to a halt in front of a building. She had arrived.

* * *

Here I was again, after eight years. Of all the places to go this was where I wanted to be. This is where I had to be, where it all started. Everything about this place sent a nostalgic feeling creeping up my body even though I've only technically been here once and once was enough. I lived and relived it so many times I guess my mind must think I've been here…what? Over a thousand times at least by now. 

I took a deep breath and looked around carefully. The building was in the shape of a huge clown. Why? I couldn't understand. Clowns weren't the least bit funny, didn't make me want to laugh especially this one. Everything about it screamed evil, from its big bulgy eyes to its huge baring teeth smile that made him seem more condescending and arrogant than happy.

The clown building was rusty, falling apart; garbage littered the floors in front of the building. The bright vibrant colors that once covered the building for top to bottom were now faded into grayish black despair…but in my mind it was just like that day.

This place is now closed down, for god knows how long- no wait scratch that- for whoever knows how long. I don't believe in god anymore. I don't believe in anything anymore.

The whole street seems empty; this place had become a real bad area apparently. In my mind though…I could see people, smiling and laughing, kids running and playing. They were memories, ghosts that haunted me. They were pointing at me, making fun of me just by being what I could never be; happy.

I stared at the door; it was the two missing pieces of clown's mouth. Taking a deep breath I walked in. It was dark on the inside, but I'm no longer afraid of the dark because I know there are worst things in the world. The darkness may hide monsters, but it could also hide you.

Dust and dirt devoured the floors. The place was literally falling apart; one of the support beans had fallen to the ground, landing on what seemed to have been tables and chairs. This place was still had furniture like someone had just woken up one day and decided to leave randomly, abandoning their whole life. Of course the furniture was rooting now. I walked through the room, passing what were tables, chairs, books, toys and a playground. Now hardly anything was left standing, anything wooden seemed to have been bitten away by termites.

But in a flash, in my mind, everything was restored. And kids rushed in from every corner, parents not far behind.

I instantly recognized a table by the pinball machines. The table was long and covered in a white cloth, not the brightest idea considering children ran from every direction. On the wall behind it was a painting of the mascot clown, again with the big eyes and large smile but this time it seemed to have even more make-up on, which brought out the wrinkles on its cheeks and forehead as it force such a wide smiled. I remember now, that was where my birthday cake was.

And with a poof, just like magic, when I thought it, I saw it. On the table were now two cakes. One was like half a sphere; a rich yellow mango cake on top with white icing it wrote: Happy Birthday Rei. The other one, beside it was a tripled layered chocolate cake smothered with frosting, on top with red icing it said: Happy Birthday Cecilia. Just like me to want to kill myself with sweets.

Presents appeared on the table, all around the cakes. Everything was coming together, a banner reading Happy Birthday stretched across the wall, along with streamers and balloons popped up all over the room.

The number of kids seemed to be multiplying as well. They were bouncing off the walls now, and seemed to swarm the place like bees to honey…only they weren't really there, _there._ More in my mind there…

I got a sudden shiver down my back when I look up to the right and saw a clear view of that dark narrow hallway. In reality, most of the doors in the hallway were opened freely flapping, the paint was chipping off everywhere and the once bright blue color was so covered in dust and dirt that just like the front of the building it had become a grey-ish black mush. But I only saw it like that for a second because again in an instant it had all changed, restored itself…everything but the lights, really. They were on but kind of dim and certain ones kept flicking. How very cliché, almost foreshadowing the bad things to come and yet cliché things happen all the time in life. Like warning signs no one ever notices unless their written in plain black in white for all to see.

Nonetheless, other then the flicking of a few lights, it was a rather friendly, kid-ish place, full of colors and whatnot. So I guess I could see how a little idiotic-me could wander so carefreely down it, that and most kids are just plain naïve and I was no exception. Back then actions had no consequences and the worst thing to ever happen to me was that time Enrique stuck my Barbie's head in the oven. It's almost funny though, after remembering that birthday I started to also remember a lot of other things that my mind had been hiding away. Like playing pin the tail on the couch or falling asleep while eating… Ah, to be stupid again…

But then again maybe I am still just a little stupid because whether I liked it or not, my feet had a mind of its own and down that hallway was where it wanted to go.

Slowly like entering a minefield I proceeded deeper into the unknown. This place had always seemed like an extremely unreal never-ending hallway, there was just door after door after door, each one looking like the last. In my memories, it was so surreal, never the same twice. The walls were always really tall, really short or disproportional. The ground wasn't really slanted, it felt more like I was the one that was slanted, unable to stand straight or hold my balance. Every time the walk down this particular hallway would be the longest, it felt like hours or even days, of knowing and dreading what I was going to happen when I stopped walking. At the end I'd just wanted to finally get there because the fear of it seemed worst then…well it.

I wasn't sure which door it was exactly that was _the_ door but when I finally came by it I knew, just like how mothers can always tell which baby is theirs in a crowd of others. That door just sent off a vibe that only I could feel.

Using the tips of my fingers I pushed open the door. Without much force it swung open. The room was dark, no windows and the lights were out. The first thing I saw was taking up about a third of the room, the infamous metal shelf I remember my back coming into contact with every time. Heh, Every time… I make it sound like it happened more then once, but when I relive it; it's like being raped all over again.

This room like all the rest was filthy, only it seemed much worst. Not only because of the memories I had in it, it was actually much worst then the rest of the building. Every single surface of the room was covered in a thick layer of dust, dirt and spider webs.

But this is now and it was then, eight years ago that I care about. Back then that self was filled with things, and the room had brooms, mops, vacuum cleaners and all sorts of other cleaning utilities in it. The only thing that really stayed the same was the darkness that filled the place.

As I gazed at the room I felt tears fall from my eyes and hit the floor. They were so tremendously filled with my pain, my anger and my fear that it seemed to send vibrations through the floors.

The sight of the room itself disgusted me but it became even worst when waves of memory began to fill my head. Perfect, vivid images. Nothing blacked out, nothing left in the shadows. I was shaking now, and I could feel my face lose all its color. White as a ghost it became.

I can see every movement, hear every sound…feel every touch. I can see myself clearly on the floor leaning up on the shelf. Fear, terror, horror, panic, trepidation whatever word like that you'd like to use, was written all over my little face. And then there he was, towering over me, superior… stronger…

I can't see his face because he's a little…busy, to put it lightly but everything else about him was out there for the world to see. Everything was all too clear now.

The sudden new imagery that coursed through my brain had come on all too quickly; it was if a plan at full speed had flown right into the back of my head. The memories stroke with such force that I was set off balance.

I stumbled into the wall trying to stay up. Everything around me had once again begun to spin, distancing themselves from me. It was all merely swirling colors to me after a while. My life had become a roller coaster ride that I desperately longed to get off of.

Sweat rolled down my face like tears and yet I felt cold all over. Slowly I lost feeling in all my limbs and it started to seem like there was less and less air in the room for me to breath. To top it all off my stomach rumbled as I both felt and tasted something rushed up my throat. It had an awfully bitter and rancid taste to it. It felt moldy all over. I immediately opened my mouth, letting it pour out from fear of what would happen if I didn't. It flowed out rapidly like water flowing down stream. Anything left in my mouth I swallowed back down.

I couldn't take it anymore and so I let my legs collapse just as they pleaded to do. I leaned my head against the wall as I slide to the floor.

Not long after my ass hit the ground, another current of puke surged up my throat and exited through my mouth. This time with so much force that some of it had landed several feet away from me.

A lot of my hair draped over my face sticking to it, partially because of the sweat but mainly because of the vomit on my lips. I couldn't see well but I could smell the putrid barf on my hair. I lifted my hand and attempted to wipe some of it away just so I wouldn't have to smell it anymore. I couldn't exactly tell where my own face was so I swatted at nothing the first few times. I'd imagine that to someone looking at me right now, I'd seem very drunk to them.

Finally I succeeded wiping most of it off with the back of my hand and then I let it fall to the ground once again. I rubbed the back of my hand over the concrete floor. For what reason, I'm not sure. Considering I'm probably sitting waist deep in vomit, why do I care that a little in on my hand? Just because I did.

I continued rubbing it long after the vomit was gone without even realizing it. My body seemed dead, lying there limply. With my head tilted upwards, my mouth slightly ajar and my eyes half closed, I stared up at the ceiling. There was no particular reason, and I was staring at no particular spot. I simply starred without even noticing I was staring just as I did that day eight year ago when it was all over and he had left me here…he should have just killed me…

Weirdly, I felt a slight twinge on my hand. Odd because it didn't even feel like I had arms, let alone hands. I stopped rubbing my hand on the floor and with what little energy that hadn't been sucked out of me I turned my hand and moved my eyes towards it. Blood was smeared all over it; the largest concentration of it was at the knuckles where the skin had been peeled off. Mixed in the wound and in the blood was dirt and little pieces of glass.

This reminded me of that day in geography when I dug my nails into my hand so hard that it began to bleed because just like that day instead of stopping the bleeding, I stared at it. Transfixed. I tilted my hand from side to side to see the shards of glass glisten from the light that crept in from the hallway. Now I imagine that if someone was watching me I'd seem like a crazed lady that had taken one too many pills…or not enough…

For some reason, feeling my hand drain from its blood was…healing me? All my confused, mixed up feelings was slowly disappearing. Flowing out of me as my blood did. I can't say for sure how long I was staring mesmerized by my hand it could have been a few seconds, a few minutes or even a few hours. I lost all sense of time.

After a while the blood stopped itself but by then some of it had already begun to roll off my hand and hit the floor. I watched it a little as droplets formed at the tips of my fingers and then fell to the ground like rain creating tiny puddles here and there.

I had very little interest in that though and so soon I turned my eyes away from my hand. I then allowed my hand to go limp like the rest of my body.

I took another look around the room and the more I looked the more I wanted to stop but couldn't. My eyes scanned the room looking at every little corner, at every tiny detail. I was taking it all in, the place where everything was stolen away from me. Finally, my eyes rested in the corner of the room. There laid broken bear bottles…and other things…underwear, condoms…and something that's probably not sugar in a bag… It would seem I am not the only to lose their virginity here…

There was one particular thing that laid in that corner that caught my attention. It was the glass…a sharp rigid one laid directly in front of me. It caught the light perfectly and looked as if it glowed. Looking at it, those voices came back. First they were soft, whispering kindly in my ears…_"Pick it up." "Pick it up." "Pick it up." _It repeated it over and over like there were millions of people popping up from every direction. Slowly they got louder and louder, refusing to let me ignore them this time…Soon they were screaming, louder then they ever have… _"Pick. It. Up."_

My hand shook in response to the screaming. It wanted the voices to stop…it wanted to pick the glass up. Without me instructing it to my hand rose. I gazed at it as it shook uncontrollably before my eyes. I resisted the overwhelming urge to do as the voices yelled…I knew what they wanted with it…because they were me or at least a part of me. They were my subconscious emerging, my most repressed thoughts...and they wanted me to die.

"No…NO…NO!" I shrieked forcing my hands against my ears. The loud shriek seemed to pierce all the other voices and left the room in silence. They were gone…

I sighed in relief. Though the sweat began to pour again and breathing began to complicate. My head pounded again and I was sure I was going to hurl…again…

I waited for it to come…but it didn't…instead in the corner of my eyes…I caught sight of the glowing piece of glass once more…It was calling to me. _They **were** gone_…but I wasn't strong enough to keep them that way…

They whispered nicely this time, _"You know you want to…it's just a simple reach to be free. You want the pain to stop, right? So take matters into your own hands. Make it stop." _

As they talked, saying just the right things in just the right way at just the right time, I felt myself wondering more and more why exactly I was fighting so hard. When did I start longing to live this much? Hadn't I given up long ago? ...Didn't I want to die…?

The answer was simple, yes…I wanted to die, I wanted it to end…every feeling that swirled around in me…all the memories that refused to stop… I didn't want to fight anymore.

I placed the palm of my hand on the cold floor. I pressed it against the little pieces of glass and rocks on the ground with my weight as I supported myself up, using my other hand to reach for the glass. I leaned forward, desperately trying to stretch my arm out to grab it…my legs seemed so useless, they couldn't move. My weak arm wobbled on the unsturdy rocks until finally it slipped forward and my face hit the ground. I closed my eyes…Why is dying such a challenge?

The voices continued to egg me on. They didn't want me to fall unconscious; they wanted me to kill myself. They weren't yelling but with every second their voices got louder as mine began to vanish.

"_Just a little further…just a little more…to end it all…Do it…"_

I wiggled forward like a worm until my hand finally grasped the shard of class. I tighten my grip on the glass, feeling it push against my skin. I then withdrew my arm and fixed my eyes on the shimmering glass. There was only one thing left to do…

This very moment I had thought about so many times. Where would I die? How would it happen? What would be my last thoughts? Well let's see, I'll die by my own hands, in a dirty clown's head, with a glass shard. My last thought…where do I go from here? Though I guess I'm about to find out…

Right…back on track…only one thing left to do…

My hand shook uncontrollably as I brought the razor-sharp glass closer and closer to my wrist. Truth? I had no clue what I was doing. I knew that if I lost enough blood I would die…and there was probably a specific spot to cut to make that process go faster…where that was? Dunno. I mean it isn't as if I did research on this.

I figured any cut would do it, right? So I dug the glass into my wrist and blood immediately rose to the surface. My hand was still shaking even after the glass had penetrated my flesh. There was a twinge of…I wouldn't call it pain…it was more like a twinge of feeling and then nothing. It didn't hurt, in fact, if I had stabbed the glass right through my hand at that time, I don't think I would have felt it.

Slowly I dragged the glass downwards and more blood surfaced. Though there was lots of blood, it was only about a ten centimeter horizontal cut and I wouldn't exactly call it that deep...definitely not fatal…if not let unattended for long…

I took the glass out of my arm and looked at it. The tip was covered in blood…my blood and it slowly dripped downwards to my hand as I held it up. This is when what I was doing finally registered in my brain.

'Blood' that's what I thought before I totally panicked. I dropped the glass onto the floor and I remember hearing it shatter. I looked at my arm and watched as the thin line of blood got thicker and thicker as more and more blood began to flow out.

This is when I realized that I didn't want to die. I wanted to finish school, I wanted to learn to drive, I wanted to get my first job, I wanted to experience love, I wanted to start a family of my own, I w-wanted…I wanted to do a million things and the more I sat there gazing at my blood the more I realized the number of things I still had to do. I wanted to live.

I took off the sweater I was wearing and attempted to tie it around my arm as tight as possible. My mind began to race as hundreds of different thoughts entered it. The one that kept coming up screamed **"Live"** and so I decided the best thing to do was get out of there.

I forced myself up on my feet…but maybe that's not the best way to phrase it. The way I just said it you're probably thinking of those shows where the determined main character suddenly shouts "I can't give up! I can't die here!" and then he or she (most likely he) gets up, all healed and ready to fight the bad guys.

Well it wasn't like that. Think of instead of a person sliding on marbles…without there being any marbles on the floor. I would get up just a little and my knees would give in and I'd find myself on the ground again. Took several times of falling on my ass before I managed to stand…with the wall as my support.

The moment I was up, or as up as I could get, I became dizzy again but that was okay because for the first time in a long time, I felt the will to survive and it was strong.

* * *

When I arrived at home it was really late and really dark out. I don't really know how I got here because I was going in and out of consciousness. It was like how sometimes when you cry really hard by the time you stop you can't remember certain things that were happening while you were crying…well maybe that doesn't happen to you but it happens to me…a lot… 

I remember stumbling down the hall…I remember telling myself not to give up for once in my life as I zigzagged my way through the streets…and the next thing I knew, here I was in my room. Though I don't think anyone's home because I just slammed into a table and broke a lamp and no one's come to yell at me yet…so…good sign?

There's one thing I remember very clearly throughout the whole journey home and that's the voices…they're continuing even now…

"_What are you doing?"_  
"_Loser" "Pitiful" "Coward"_  
"_You can't even kill yourself properly!"_  
"_What can you do right?"_

They went on and on…and just refused to shut up. It made it so hard to think with so many things being thought in my head.

I looked at my arm and the blood had already began to ooze through the sweater…that cut was definitely deeper then I had originally thought it was…or maybe I just so happened to cut something important… I wondered how much blood I had lost…though a better use of my time would have been to wonder how to stop the blood…

I knew there was a first aid kit by Rei's bed somewhere from back in the days when he was accident prone. He was sort of in this weird awkward state. He was growing so quickly that he couldn't quite control his own body…and so tended to trip on his own feet and fall down the stairs… It was an…entertaining time…for me at least.

Funny…I know this isn't the time to mention this but I seriously think my memory's getting better.

I was almost at Rei's bed when the tape which I thought had stopped for good started again. It was sort of weird…because the voices continued at the same time…some were actually making comments on it… This has never happened…the voices in my head made me weak…but at the same time it also made me strong. Whenever they would start the tape would stop…

I'm pretty sure it started again because it's midnight. There was something about this time that my mind liked…or at least it liked this particular time to torture me… It was probably because midnight is between yesterday and today and that sort of represented me…stuck between the past and the present…or something equally as stupid.

Try to remember a time when three or more people were talking to you, all telling you different things, all asking you to do something different at the same time. Then add in a very graphic movie that you want to turn away from but can't. Remember the confusion and frustration. You can't hear your own thoughts or even process what everyone around you is saying. Take that feeling and multiple it by about a million and that's where I was.

I felt like I was trapped in my own mind. Soon I found myself on the floor in the fetal position with my hand over my ears…though I'm not sure why…you can't tune out voices coming from your own head…

Out of instinct I guess, I clutched onto my ears and rolled to face Rei's bed. I could feel the sweater around my arm, it was moist and cold. With my arms against my face I could feel some of the blood transferring onto my skin… I needed to look for that first aid kit. Even with all the distractions, I still had the will to live pulsing inside of me. It wasn't as strong as it was before…but it's still there.

I crawled my way towards the bed; the pain in my head was so bad my eyes began to tear mixing in with the sweat that covered my face.

I desperately rifled through the drawers by his bed but found nothing. Next I scanned around and on his bed but it was hard as every second past my vision got worse.

I reassured myself that I only needed to rest my head for a few seconds and so I allowed myself to fall flat on the floor. But somewhere deep in me I knew it wasn't as simple as that. There was something seriously wrong with me. I heard voices and no, they weren't like inner voices crap. They were different…they had their own personalities, their own minds… It wasn't only that though but now more often then ever, I've been having these dizzy spells…these aren't the first ones, I've been having them for a while especially at night. My mood either swings up and down uncontrollably…or I have no mood at all, no emotion, no reaction. The worst thing of all that's wrong with me is that I can't let go. I can't let go what happened to me…I can't forget… I obsessed and let it take over. He's won because I let him have control over me, time and time again. He must be awfully proud of himself somewhere out there…

More tears began to fall from my eyes…they weren't caused by the pain in my head but by the pain in my heart…the pain that I kept holding onto because I was afraid to let go. I blinked over and over to stop the tears from rushing out but I couldn't. I had held them in for too long.

I laid there, tears literally streaming from my eyes, beside Rei's bed and I had a clear sight into what was under it. I caught a glimpse of something that I recognized, something I had put there not too long ago. I reached out my hand and grabbed it. Benzodiazepines, it read clearly on the label. My sleeping pills… My hand began to shake again…as it did, I heard the pills on the inside shaking.

At this point, my head was very messed up. All I knew was those images of the past and those voices that were so strong… all I wanted now was to make them stop so I could go back to normal. So I could smile again and enjoy life. It was all I could think of…going back to what was once life.

So like I said, my head was very messed up…and I guess I figured…if I took those pills I may actually get some sleep…without having the past haunt me…and with the sleep I'd be strong enough to fight the voices…so…I poured some onto my hand and swallowed them without a second thought. I didn't read the directions or the warning…I just took them.

First I only took two…but nothing happened…in fact…the voices got mad…louder…the pictures…got clearer like a punishment. So I took more…and more…and more…until there were none left. The voices went…the pictures faded…and I finally got a second to hear my own thoughts and process what had happened that day…but this when I realized they tricked me…

I had taken too many pills and they were taken their toll. I got drowsier and drowsier…it was impossible to resist. My eyes were too heavy to keep open…I was going to die. I didn't want to for the first time in months…but it was going to happen anyways. It's so ironic that it's ridiculous.

For some reason, at that moment…right after the thought of dying came to mind, Kai entered my mind…I let his name escape from my mouth and at that very second I saw him… Standing there he almost looked like he was glowing…

I don't know if I was just hallucinating (which is a huge possibility) but I began to talk to him anyway. I can't really remember what I told him…I just felt his arms around me as the darkness took hold of me as well. His image faded slowly but I liked that he was the last image in my head. Is that…wrong?

* * *

**I LUV KAI! I LUV SASUKE! I LUV HIKARU! And KOARU! (I luv how both their names roll off your tongue) I Lubs BISHONENS! (or with a 'u'- bishounens, if that's how you like to spell it.) I just thought I should let it be known…if I haven't made it clear in the past it very important to know…lol…yes…**

**THE END! (not really…but it could be! Nah…I think I planned 18? Or 19 Chapters? Whenever I get around to that…I kept saying I'll write once I finished watching my anime but I keep downloading more you see…so yeah…I've decided to stop downloading…haha…except Ouran! Me LOVES too much to give it up! Anyone else watch Host club? It's so cute! WAI! WAI!)**

**Well I'm gonna write tomorrie…but I'm not gonna promise any updates soon…though I hope, I can never guarantee. I also really likes all your reviews! They're so nice…and it's nice to know that the story...like…means something? (trying to not over corn this)**

**Well…LOVU LOVU desu! haha, that's what I say to my bunny everyday as I put my hands around her head and shake her:P…I think she's getting annoyed of me...she won't play with me! Humph:( :P  
**

**Till the next update, let's all be nice and kind to each other! BAIBAI! Make love not war:P..haha (yes that just sounded really stupid -.-) Don't mind me, I don't get out much...**

**Oh Right, P.S. on the voices, she ain't crazy!...lol...All shall be explained in due time! Yes, because I proclaim it! (I just wanted to say that I proclaimed something...)  
**


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